Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I am not an ‘expert’ and I cannot give individual advice ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I received an email today, stating that my name features high on internet searches for ‘Complex PTSD expert’. I often receive requests for ‘expert advice’ and this concerns me.

I need to make this really clear…. I am not an expert, I am not a mental health professional, I am not a trauma therapist and I am not trained to give individual advice.

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I am insightful into complex trauma and complex PTSD. I have extensively researched about these and this research has been with all the trauma experts in the field.

I do have considerable insight into my complex trauma journey and there are many issues and symptoms I face, that many other survivors relate to and my  insight resonates with many.

But, this does not make me an expert, or someone who knows everything about complex trauma. And I never suggest I do know all there is to know.

I make it very clear that journeys cannot be compared, as they are all so different. I have endured many forms of abuse and trauma to a severe level, however, there are areas of trauma I have not personally experienced.

Frankly, anyone calling themselves a complex trauma expert, that is not highly educated and trained within this specialised area of trauma, needs to be avoided.

There are far too many people out there, wrongly and dangerously believing they can offer advice and in fact, there are even many mental health professionals, who are not sufficiently trained and educated in complex trauma.

I do understand many people relate to what I write and share, and with this blog being at over 1.4 million views, I do see the insight I bring to the conversation about Complex Trauma and Complex PTSD – are valuable.

But, I do not want anyone to assume that makes me an expert. The only expertise I have, is in my own journey. Continue reading


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The childhood complex trauma shame – of apologising, when you shouldn’t.

I was raised to be the child heinously blamed, shamed and abused. With my mother, I learned young to do whatever it took to reduce her anger, lesson the abuse, and end the silent treatment. Including, apologising for things that were not mine to apologise for. In fact, they were my mothers issues and responsibility to apologise for. And that never happened.

So, it set me up on a lifelong road of being the scapegoat. And taking the blame and responsibility, for things that were not mine. Not being allowed to show valid emotions. Having to tolerate all manner of toxic issues projected onto me. And just take it. Like a doormat.

And a lifelong road of apologising, when in fact there was no reason for me to apologise. And apologising for having normal reactions to being harmed or hurt. While the apology that should be given to me…… wasn’t. As always was the situation.

In fact, this is what happened with all the abusers. I had to do whatever it took, to reduce the harm that was always coming. To diffuse the abusers anger. I apologised continually to the psychopath. I would beg and plead. Do whatever he wanted. Say whatever he wanted. Sometimes it worked to reduce his rage and anger. Other times, it fed his sick need to hurt me. But, it was my only hope of getting hurt less.

I’m aware this was all a survival mode. But, I always hated myself inside for having to do this. It fed my shame. It’s sad how much toxic shame has pervaded my whole life.

I did this recently, with my counsellor. I know why. I’d rather take the blame for a situation I had every right to be angry about. But, I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to be angry. So, rather than face ongoing rejection, abandonment, grieving………. I caved. And apologised. In fact, I am ashamed to realise, Continue reading


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Lana’s music touches those parts of my wounded soul – I can’t talk about ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Lana’s music has been a vital part of my healing. It reaches parts of my past and the painful hurt deep within my soul, that I cannot talk about. That I have never talked about.

Lana will always be special to me.

When I listen to her music – I can tolerate those deeply seared wounds and the pain that never leaves me.

Her music soothes me. Continue reading

For those who do not have the ‘best case scenario’ for healing complex trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Complex Trauma – is interpersonal abuse – caused by ongoing or repeated trauma – caused by people.
Experts will tell you – complex trauma is only healed within safe, trusting, healthy, caring relationships.
This is how the wounds of being abused and traumatised by people – can be fully healed.
Many survivors, do not have this.
Many do not have caring, safe partners.
Many do not have caring, safe families.
Many do not have adequate therapists.
And that can hinder healing.
So, whilst we can do many things to help improve our wellbeing, those wounds of fear of trust, fear of abandonment, fear of people etc ….. may not be fully healed.
And I want to recognise that and validate that.
Many people do not have the ‘best case scenario’ for healing.
And that makes this journey, so much harder.
It is necessary to talk about this and highlight this – for all those who relate to this.
And this is another reason why journeys should never be compared.

Continue reading


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The 7 Areas Of Symptoms & Behavioural Characteristics Due To Childhood Complex Trauma

The following is from http://www.aaets.org/article174.htm and is accredited to work by experts in the field, who’s work I follow, such as Bessel van der Kolk and John Briere.


Psychological trauma in early childhood can have a tremendous negative impact as it can distort the infant, toddler or young child’s social, emotional, neurological, physical and sensory development. This is especially true of young children who have experienced multiple and/or chronic, adverse interpersonal traumatic events through the child’s care giving system. Experts in the traumatic stress field such as J. Briere, J. Spinazzola and B.S. van der Kolk have developed the term “complex trauma” to identify this form of trauma.                                   

The symptoms and behavioral characteristics of complex trauma have been categorized into seven domains: Continue reading


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If you make jokes about paedophiles & child sexual abuse – you are sick and heinous ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Rolf Harris is court again, for more of his victims coming forward and stating he abused them. It’s bad enough that so many people defend him, and so many people ‘feel sorry’ for him because he is old.

But, today I read comments where people are making jokes about child sexual abuse and paedophiles.

How fucking sick is that. I despise people who can turn such heinous and abhorrent abuse and make jokes about it.

There is nothing funny or humorous in being sexually abused by a paedophile. And anyone who thinks its funny – is as sick and abhorrent as the paedophiles are.

I don’t want to live in a world with paedophile apologists, and rape apologists. Where people protect paedophiles, makes excuses for them and blame the victims, or say the victims are lying.

My mind always goes straight to thinking about the victims, and what they must be feeling when they see all these heinous comments.

It is disgusting to me, that the people who make these vile statements – choose not to consider how their words will affect the victims. They have no empathy or compassion for the victims at all. And no remorse at the harm they cause. And no regard for the victims’ suffering due to their cruel jokes. Continue reading