Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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The 7 Areas Of Symptoms & Behavioural Characteristics Due To Childhood Complex Trauma

The following is from http://www.aaets.org/article174.htm and is accredited to work by experts in the field, who’s work I follow, such as Bessel van der Kolk and John Briere.


Psychological trauma in early childhood can have a tremendous negative impact as it can distort the infant, toddler or young child’s social, emotional, neurological, physical and sensory development. This is especially true of young children who have experienced multiple and/or chronic, adverse interpersonal traumatic events through the child’s care giving system. Experts in the traumatic stress field such as J. Briere, J. Spinazzola and B.S. van der Kolk have developed the term “complex trauma” to identify this form of trauma.                                   

The symptoms and behavioral characteristics of complex trauma have been categorized into seven domains: Continue reading


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If you make jokes about paedophiles & child sexual abuse – you are sick and heinous ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Rolf Harris is court again, for more of his victims coming forward and stating he abused them. It’s bad enough that so many people defend him, and so many people ‘feel sorry’ for him because he is old.

But, today I read comments where people are making jokes about child sexual abuse and paedophiles.

How fucking sick is that. I despise people who can turn such heinous and abhorrent abuse and make jokes about it.

There is nothing funny or humorous in being sexually abused by a paedophile. And anyone who thinks its funny – is as sick and abhorrent as the paedophiles are.

I don’t want to live in a world with paedophile apologists, and rape apologists. Where people protect paedophiles, makes excuses for them and blame the victims, or say the victims are lying.

My mind always goes straight to thinking about the victims, and what they must be feeling when they see all these heinous comments.

It is disgusting to me, that the people who make these vile statements – choose not to consider how their words will affect the victims. They have no empathy or compassion for the victims at all. And no remorse at the harm they cause. And no regard for the victims’ suffering due to their cruel jokes. Continue reading


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The dark side of child sexual abuse/exploitation, within the photography world ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am in the processing of learning as much as I can about photography, with the hope of becoming a photographer in the future.

I am someone who researches and reads up on anything important to me.

So far, most of what I have come across has been good, healthy, positive stuff. But, sadly the dark side of life, infiltrates every area of life.

dark-side-of-photography

I have come across ‘photographers’ defending naked photos of children being posted on social media, or websites. And their aggressive defending of this, and the name calling and nastiness that results if you have different opinion, are red flags for me. Any over-reaction tends to flag as suspicious to me.

A photographer has been recently arrested where I live, for raping children, using photographs for child pornography and exploitation. 79 offences he has been charged with. He currently is remanded in prison until his court hearing. What a heinous, sick piece of shit he is. I would like to see him locked up for the rest of his life. But, he’ll probably get some pathetic short sentence. And this is probably not an isolated incident.

It is obvious to me – that the photography industry/crowd – attracts these heinous people. Especially for the paedophile underground internet industry, where millions of naked and sexualised photos of children, are shared.

Whilst giving my rational opinion on how we should not be posting naked photos of children online, the aggressiveness of some men, was truly concerning. One of these men also linked a female photographer, who is famous in the photography scene – for taking photos of children (including her own) where they are completely naked. With everything on display for all to see. It made me feel sick. Truly a paedophiles delight. Her work is so wrong, on so many levels. And these ‘photographers’ were defending this woman’s work.

(And I’m not linking her work, because I do not want anyone looking at it. I’m not drawing any attention to it).

For a start – no child’s naked body needs to be posted anywhere. Children should have rights to not allow anyone to post naked photos on line. Children are not property – to exploit for your business, or for vile reasons.

I don’t want photos of me naked online, so children should also have the same rights.

I don’t care if photographers wants to call it ‘art’. It may be art to some people, but it is exposing children’s bodies to everyone – including sick, heinous people. And that is never okay.

What I find even more troubling, is how any parent can want to expose their children’s bodies to the general public. It is very much a red flag. It is exploiting your own child. For money. Continue reading


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A system geared to protecting child sex offenders, and not to protecting children

I read this today – a man who has been charged with 79 counts of child sexual abuse, including rape, assault and making child exploitation material.

http://mypolice.qld.gov.au/blog/2017/01/19/geebung-man-charged-79-offences-rape-making-child-exploitation-material/

These are just the offences the police were able to have enough evidence of, to make arrests. There will far more offences.

This man deserves to be in prison for the rest of his life.

He won’t receive that sentence. He will likely do little prison time, and be made to complete one of the ‘sex offender’ program, that have very poor success rates – in rehabilitating paedophiles.

The legal system is geared towards protecting paedophiles and their ‘human rights’.

The system fails to protect children, from this most heinous abuse.

Paedophiles often get a slap on the wrist as a legal consequence of what they do. And they are let back out into the community – knowing they will re-offend.

Paedophiles rights, are clearly the priority.

To me, they lost any rights, the second they made a choice to sexually abuse a child.

They lost their rights to freedom, the second they caused heinous life long harm – to innocent children.

They lost all rights, the second they stole a child’s innocence from them.

But, the system, the do-gooders, the enablers…. don’t see it that way.

Because the rights of adults, are always considered of far greater importance, than the rights of children.

This is clear within the system dealing with child sex offenders, and is even very evident when considering the rights adults have to hit their children – which is physical abuse.

Animals have more rights, than children.

And no-where is this more deplorable, than in the way children are failed by the legal system dealing with child sex offenders. Continue reading


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I’ve always related to living, fighting & surviving a war ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

You don’t have to have been in combat

– to have been fighting a war.

The first 20 years of my life were all about survival.

The war of severe child abuse.

The war of surviving child sexual abuse.

The war of emotional, psychological,

mental, verbal and physical abuse.

The war of surviving a psychopath

– who had killed a previous girlfriend.

The war of absolute captivity abuse.

As a child.

As a teenager.

Fighting to stay safe.

Fighting danger all around me.

Every day.

I know now, why I have always been so emotional Continue reading


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I realise now – my counsellor was selfishly ‘normalising’ evil all along.

When reflecting on conversations I have had with my ex-counsellor, I realise now, she was trying to normalise evil all along.

This blog has many times where I have written about her highly inappropriate attitudes. One of my most popular blog posts, is about her incapacity to show normal emotions, about sick, evil, heinous abusers like paedophile child rapists.

One conversation in particular stands out, where she tried to tell me another client had a paedophile father, and this sicko’s adult child – believed he loved her. And my counsellor tried to make this evil paedophile – seem normal – by telling me this other clients situation. She wanted me to believe the paedophiles and sex offenders in my life – were normal too.

How sick is that.

I know now, how incredibly inappropriate my counsellor was. She didn’t want to accept evil exits, or that people can simply be heinous, sick, evil, vile beings. She wanted to believe they were good people – who ‘sometimes did bad things’. Her words.

That’s how deluded she is. She is no better than paedophile priest enablers. No wonder she would never comment on all the paedophilia in the Catholic church. No wonder she would never agreed with me about the Royal Commission being necessary. She is no better than any of these other sick church people who enabled paedophiles.

No doubt she believes paedophile priests are good people too – who ‘sometimes do bad things’. In fact, she probably believes the child victims, were in fact the evil ones – ‘tempting these adults’. That’s what many sick church people choose to believe. The children were the evil ones – tempting the poor adult victims into sexually abusing them.

I realise now why despite her making it clear my mother is a child sex offender and her referring to my childhood situation as being ‘your mother sold you to paedophiles/sex offenders’ – she still tried to normalise my mother and make me feel sorry for her.

I now know, my counsellors only goal was to make the perpetrators of heinous, intentional, sick abuse – seem normal and blame the victims for the abuse.

She used the minimizing and trivialising of evil tactic, and made me feel like I was not ‘good enough’ if I didn’t feel sorry for them.

And I know why she did this. It was all completely selfish, self serving reasons. She provides counselling for these sick, evil, heinous ‘people’. And it’s easier to sit with evil and talk to it, when you minimize their evil, when you minimize and trivialise their sick needs, when you minimize the life impacting and terrible consequences of child sexual abuse and in some way blame the victims.

I’ve said it before and I absolutely know this is right…… you cannot be a counsellor for perpetrators and victims of abuse. And my ex counsellor is Continue reading


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Child Sexual Abuse / Rape Is Soul Murder

soul-murder

People minimize child sexual abuse all the time.

Especially those who have not endured it. They have NO opinion on it.

Some survivors minimize it too – as a way of coping. Which is understandable, but not helpful to those who deal with the full reality.

I don’t minimize, trivialise or invalidate the heinous nature of it, or the lifelong impact of it.

It is soul murder. Continue reading