Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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30 Helpful Things To Say To Someone With Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Often people don’t know what to say to someone with Complex PTSD. As a result some say things that are harmful, invalidating and hurtful. Often unintentionally. Some avoid us, either because they don’t know what to say, or because they don’t want to deal with our pain. Some suggest we should be over this, or shame us for talking about past trauma. That increases the isolation and shame survivors often feel.

I could write an entire article on the things people have said to me, that were completely inappropriate and very hurtful. Being someone who suffers suicide ideation and suicidal thoughts, I am aware of the life threatening result of being victim shamed, invalidated and being further traumatised by other people.

So, this article is a list of things survivors of complex trauma, who have Complex PTSD, feel are helpful. It is my hope this leads to more productive and helpful interactions and support.

I asked my online Facebook community, and these were some of their responses. Continue reading


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I’m Glad To Have Finally Decided To Create An Ebook – I Can Promote Via All My Platforms ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have deliberated over how to publish my book and I’ve settled on an PDF ebook, I can promote via all my social media, this Blog and my Website.

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I considered doing it via Amazon, and I see the advantages of it being promoted on a big audience, but I also see the drawbacks other authors have encountered, of dealing with reviews, dealing with trolls leaving bad reviews, when they haven’t even read the book.

I haven’t got time to deal with that crap. I don’t have the time or the motivation, to deal with negative stuff. And I don’t need my book to become a ‘best seller’ – I just want it to reach the people who need it. I just want to know it made a difference for people. And I could always re-publish it again in the future.

My Website has a lot of traffic and I could pay to have the SEO etc increased.

This Blog – has a of traffic.

And that is all enough for me. I know the book will reach those who need it.

SOOOOO glad I have finally made this decision. Continue reading


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12 Profound Ways Child Sexual Abuse Impacts Survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Child sexual abuse, is heinous abuse, and no child should ever be subjected to this. it destroys childhood, steals the child’s innocence and creates specific life impacting issues, that continue on into adulthood.

If the wounds of child sexual abuse are not processed and healed, the impact will continue harming the survivors, throughout their adulthood.

1. The Sexual Abuse Often Occurs With Emotional And Psychological Abuse, At The Same Time

Sexual abuse often occurs with other forms of abuse, at the same time. So the survivor is dealing with multiple forms of abuse. As a vulnerable child.

Emotional/psychological abuse often co-occurring are threats the child to keep quiet and denial of the abuse, being doubted. Family members may also demand the victim keep quiet ‘for the sake of the family’. The perpetrators and others – may blame the child for the abuse. This sadly occurs a lot.

When I hear non insightful people talk about e.g. emotional abuse being worse than child sexual abuse, I note they are failing to understand these abuse types occur together, and so therefore, this invalidation of the impact of child sexual abuse, all too often occurs and is re-traumatising.

2. Victims Are Often Not Believed/Doubted

This is something that occurs frequently. If the child tells someone the abuse is occurring, they will often be told they are lying, or exaggerating. Which is further abuse. Often the perpetrator will have created and manipulated a situation, where the victim will be doubted if they do speak out. The perpetrators and others may deny the abuse, will claim the victim is crazy, an attention seeker.

This act of invalidating, denying and not being believed, is more trauma and abuse. And this can profoundly affect how the survivor feels about themselves, and will create such deep levels of distrust. Which is an understandable consequence of being sexually abused, and then not believed.

I liken this to ‘sticking the knife in (the sexual abuse), and then twisting the knife (not being believed).

3. Thinking Sex Is All The Survivor Has To Offer/Promiscuity

Child sexual abuse survivors, often go on into adolescence and adulthood believing sex is all they have to offer other adults. Their self worth can be so low and they believe that is all adults wants for them.

Promiscuity can occur, where the survivor continues to seek out attention in unhealthy ways. This can be dangerous and lead to the survivor being abused and traumatised again.

Some survivors subconsciously seek to repeat the trauma of the sexual abuse. This is explained well by Dr, Bessell van der Kolk – a world leading trauma expert. His book that discusses this, is on my Website list @

https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/book-recommedationsresources

There are survivors who completely shut down and avoid any sexual contact, due to the fear and anxiety being so great and debilitating.

It can also lead to gender identity problems, and confusion about sexual preference.

4. Shame, Guilt & Self Hatred

Often survivors of child sexual abuse, feel dirty, damaged, unlovable, repulsive.

A huge shame issue can result from the child being confused as to why they may have enjoyed some of the abuse. Our bodies can respond to sex, sometimes even within abusive situations. In fact, predators and paedophiles, often groom the child in a way, that the child feels what is occurring is pleasurable. And being a child – they are more easily manipulated. This can create deep levels of shame. A survivor needs to begin to understand that no matter what the child was feeling at the time of the abuse, it was still child sexual abuse, was absolutely wrong, and was 100% the perpetrators responsibility. Continue reading


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Ben McCormack – Arrested For Child Pornography Crimes, And No-one Cares About The Children Being Abused

Ben McCormack – a reporter on A Current Affair – here in Australia, has been charged with child pornography crimes, including distributing child pornography and conversations involving child sexual abuse.

See this link for details http://www.msn.com/en-au/news/australia/a-current-affair-reporter-ben-mccormack-charged-with-sending-child-pornography-material/ar-BBzsUvV?li=AAgfYrC&ocid=U206DHP

Social media is rife with this news. People are talking about what scumbag he is. People are laughing at the hypocrisy of him being someone who chases people down the road about lesser crimes reported by A Current Affair (ACA). People are scorning the ACA program, and the main host of the program. People are suggesting maybe people should wait and hear the facts before commenting. Some are even suggesting maybe he was accessing child pornography for a case he is working on for ACA. And meanwhile, the reports being made, are making it very clear that these charges are not in any way linked to ACA or Channel 9, who broadcast the show.

And amongst the hundreds of comments I have scrolled through via the social media reporting, something struck me as really wrong. And a true representation of where society is, in relation to caring about children….

Not one single comment mentioned any concern for the children being sexually abused in this case.

Not one.

No-one cares about the children involved in this child pornography case. No-one bothers to sit and think ‘oh my God, those poor children’. That was my first thought.

It’s always ‘all about the adults’. It’s always ‘all about’ the paedophile/child sex offender, and not the children they harm. Plenty of people will comment about their opinions on child sex offenders. Some people even go as far as to say that child pornography is better than actually physically sexually abusing a child. Some people will defend the offender. Yet, few ever stop and think about the children. Continue reading


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The 7 Areas Of Symptoms & Behavioural Characteristics Due To Childhood Complex Trauma

The following is from http://www.aaets.org/article174.htm and is accredited to work by experts in the field, who’s work I follow, such as Bessel van der Kolk and John Briere.


Psychological trauma in early childhood can have a tremendous negative impact as it can distort the infant, toddler or young child’s social, emotional, neurological, physical and sensory development. This is especially true of young children who have experienced multiple and/or chronic, adverse interpersonal traumatic events through the child’s care giving system. Experts in the traumatic stress field such as J. Briere, J. Spinazzola and B.S. van der Kolk have developed the term “complex trauma” to identify this form of trauma.                                   

The symptoms and behavioral characteristics of complex trauma have been categorized into seven domains: Continue reading


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If you make jokes about paedophiles & child sexual abuse – you are sick and heinous ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Rolf Harris is court again, for more of his victims coming forward and stating he abused them. It’s bad enough that so many people defend him, and so many people ‘feel sorry’ for him because he is old.

But, today I read comments where people are making jokes about child sexual abuse and paedophiles.

How fucking sick is that. I despise people who can turn such heinous and abhorrent abuse and make jokes about it.

There is nothing funny or humorous in being sexually abused by a paedophile. And anyone who thinks its funny – is as sick and abhorrent as the paedophiles are.

I don’t want to live in a world with paedophile apologists, and rape apologists. Where people protect paedophiles, makes excuses for them and blame the victims, or say the victims are lying.

My mind always goes straight to thinking about the victims, and what they must be feeling when they see all these heinous comments.

It is disgusting to me, that the people who make these vile statements – choose not to consider how their words will affect the victims. They have no empathy or compassion for the victims at all. And no remorse at the harm they cause. And no regard for the victims’ suffering due to their cruel jokes. Continue reading


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The dark side of child sexual abuse/exploitation, within the photography world ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am in the processing of learning as much as I can about photography, with the hope of becoming a photographer in the future.

I am someone who researches and reads up on anything important to me.

So far, most of what I have come across has been good, healthy, positive stuff. But, sadly the dark side of life, infiltrates every area of life.

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I have come across ‘photographers’ defending naked photos of children being posted on social media, or websites. And their aggressive defending of this, and the name calling and nastiness that results if you have different opinion, are red flags for me. Any over-reaction tends to flag as suspicious to me.

A photographer has been recently arrested where I live, for raping children, using photographs for child pornography and exploitation. 79 offences he has been charged with. He currently is remanded in prison until his court hearing. What a heinous, sick piece of shit he is. I would like to see him locked up for the rest of his life. But, he’ll probably get some pathetic short sentence. And this is probably not an isolated incident.

It is obvious to me – that the photography industry/crowd – attracts these heinous people. Especially for the paedophile underground internet industry, where millions of naked and sexualised photos of children, are shared.

Whilst giving my rational opinion on how we should not be posting naked photos of children online, the aggressiveness of some men, was truly concerning. One of these men also linked a female photographer, who is famous in the photography scene – for taking photos of children (including her own) where they are completely naked. With everything on display for all to see. It made me feel sick. Truly a paedophiles delight. Her work is so wrong, on so many levels. And these ‘photographers’ were defending this woman’s work.

(And I’m not linking her work, because I do not want anyone looking at it. I’m not drawing any attention to it).

For a start – no child’s naked body needs to be posted anywhere. Children should have rights to not allow anyone to post naked photos on line. Children are not property – to exploit for your business, or for vile reasons.

I don’t want photos of me naked online, so children should also have the same rights.

I don’t care if photographers wants to call it ‘art’. It may be art to some people, but it is exposing children’s bodies to everyone – including sick, heinous people. And that is never okay.

What I find even more troubling, is how any parent can want to expose their children’s bodies to the general public. It is very much a red flag. It is exploiting your own child. For money. Continue reading