Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


My son received an Outstanding Student award today :)

My children are having a childhood very different to mine. They are loved, cherished, supported, encouraged, protected and I try really hard to make sure all their areas of development are focussed on- including their emotional needs and teaching them emotional intelligence.

Today, my 7 year old was awarded an Outstanding Student award! ūüėÄ

Which definitely shows you can parent and help a child grow and be a ‘respectful, caring, resilient,¬†polite, enthusiastic child, who strives to always do his best¬†and exemplifies school values’ –¬†without the need to hit or¬†hurt them. I don’t hit my children and I don’t use punishment based parenting. I respect my children.

You can help a child grow to their fullest potential through modelling empathy, honesty, love, respect and gentleness.

I am really proud of my son – for all the effort and amazing qualities he has.

My husband remarked – all the virtues he was awarded for – come from the parenting I give to my children, due to my empathy and understanding of what is needed – to raise a well balanced, well behaved, respectful child. Continue reading


Having empathy, means feeling anger. And it’s needed.

I am a person with a great capacity for empathy. having empathy, means you feel the full range of emotions, especially for others who are suffering, and about those who cause that suffering.

I am so angry this morning, I’ve ended up sobbing.

People can all too often, be vile, disgusting, abhorrent people.

And too many people lie and deceive about really significant issues, like child abuse.

Makes me so angry, to know how many children are abused and how many adults, knowingly put children in harms way.

crying 5

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved. No part of¬†any entry/blog,¬†may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the¬†name of the author ‚Äď Lilly Hope Lucario and a clear link back to this blog ‚Äst https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/

This includes adaptations in all forms of media


When your children & a puppy, run around a garden.

How can you be sad, when your children and your puppy, are running around the lawn. It’s so precious and cute. I love to see my boys laughing, running around, having fun.¬†Hearing my 13 year olds voice break and sound all high as he laughs. Hearing my 7 year giggling, in that cute way younger children giggle.

Even in times when it’s painful…. there are amazingly wonderful things I cannot fail to smile about.

happiness is a warm puppy

I am someone who can hold different emotions, at the same time. So I can be happy with what’s happening right now, and feel the joy in it. Whilst also having that underlying pain and grieving. I’ve had a lifetime of practise at being sad and in pain deep down, whilst trying to focus on the present and seeing the good in the here and now.

This doesn’t mean I believe in avoiding dealing with the pain, grieving. But, I now have times I allow myself that, and times when I focus on the here and now.

I know this is why mindfulness, is needed.¬†And when I’m with my children, is a time when I try the hardest. And it works.

This is why I advocate for learning coping/management strategies, that help Continue reading


Two sleeps to go, til we bring our puppy home :D

My 7 year old, is counting down the sleeps, until we bring our puppy home. We are all so excited to bring her home and give her lots of love and cuddles!

We’ve had fun buying all the things a puppy needs.

I’ve been advised to go to puppy pre-school, which is 4 weeks of learning how to train a puppy and socialising the puppy, which is important.

I really feel this puppy will bring much joy into our lives, and will be such fun for my boys. And good therapy Continue reading


4 Comments

Welcoming this bundle of gorgeous, into our lives :D

Fullscreen capture 20042016 113341 AM

We have finally decided to get a little puppy, which my boys are very excited about. They’ve wanted one for ages, and now it feels like the right time.

I know having a puppy, helps teach empathy, responsibility and is great company for children. It will help give them something to do, which does not involve gaming, gadgets etc – which is constant battle, to keep reduced to a healthy amount.

I also know this little girl, will be great company for me too. Dogs, can be very therapeutic and I can chat away to this little girl, all day long ūüôā Continue reading


2 Comments

My children are my everything.

I had a terrible day yesterday. It was painful to a depth I cannot explain.

Then my children came home from school, and my 7 year old, gave me these. He had written them in school. He has never written notes like this in school to bring home. This was a first.

DSC_1007

DSC_1010

After I gave him cuddles and thanked him for how lovely and special they are, whilst trying to choke back tears…. he went and put the notes on my bedside drawers, so I would see them when I went to bed.

DSC_1012

Such a beautiful little soul ‚̧ Continue reading


A sense of humour, helps…. a parenting with PTSD nightmare!

parenting recorder.jpg

 

Having PTSD, means I have noise sensitivity issues. I struggle with high pitched, repetitive & competing noise. It worsens throughout the day, and on bad days, this sensitivity, is severe.

Being a parent with PTSD, is not easy at all. Being a parent itself, is a tough gig for anyone. Having PTSD makes it harder. But, I manage it well and know when I am becoming overwhelmed and how to manage all the symptoms and stress.

I have never liked recorders. They have a horrible pitch/noise and listening to children attempting to play them and constantly making mistakes……. is a PTSD noise sensitivity nightmare!

I posted this meme to my personal facebook and a mother I know from my 6 year olds school,¬†responded to say¬†the kids leave the recorders in school. I replied “thank God for that, I hate recorders!”.

I forget sometimes, just how hard a gig parenting with PTSD is. I should give myself more self compassion about this. I am too hard on myself I think, when it comes to parenting, Continue reading


2 Comments

Dogs have more rights to not be hit/abused, than children.

1461814_769611889740939_1684690122134621633_n

Wisdom on why people believe it is okay to abuse/hit their children…

“I never see any comments that say ‘my mom never lifted a finger against me and¬†I wish she had’.

It’s always “my parents hit/beat me and I’m alright, so the next generation should feel that too” which translates to me as..

my painful childhood memories need to be validated through repetition – so that I don’t have to face the reality that I was abused


Child abuse ie the bizarre cognitively distorted thinking ‘I have a right to hit a child, but not an adult’ – is generational abuse, caused by fear and denial, that is validated and encouraged by the majority.

It is also proven by neuroscience those who have strong conservative views, who are often those who believe in physical discipline to children, within and outside of Christianity……..either have a lack of empathy/EQ, and/or lack of IQ, plus have sociopathic traits. They hit their children for their own needs of venting anger, enjoy hitting their children….even if they don’t admit it.


5 Comments

My son’s empathic heart.

After spending time earlier upset then numb, due to not being the mother I want to be for my children…

My son told me this evening his teacher is putting his name down to be considered for student of the year, for being so kind often to a boy who is being bullied a lot.

I cried. I am such a sook. To know my children are growing with the one thing I want them to have the most – empathy – is so heart warming for me.

My son was bullied at a former junior school, for a few years and due to anxiety and the school dealing with it badly, we had to change schools and my son was instantly a much happier child and continued to be for the remaining 3 years of junior school.

The high school he started at this year, has a lot of students from that school where he was bullied, that have now filtered through to the high school and funnily enough it is those students that are bullying this child, that my son has been kind to. My son felt sorry for him, knowing what being bullied feels like and also because I talk with him about being kind to those who need it. Continue reading


3 Comments

Less obvious abuse/neglect/parenting issues, is causing widespread mental health issues..

I am a survivor of severe abuse, prolonged, interpersonal, severely traumatic abuse – and I ‘know’ my issues, I know I have PTSD, I know why, I have deep insight and I have educated myself and through counselling into trauma and it’s consequences.

But, I see clearly how far less obvious childhood issues, can lead to greater mental health issues and far less capacity to have self insight, or change.

Some examples;

Over-indulgent parents – can lead to their children being entitled, narcissistic adults.

Parents who lack empathy, don’t teach/model that for their children – so they also become lacking in empathy, and can be hurtful to others and lack remorse or conscience, which stays in adulthood.

Parents who spank/smack their children – can often lead to their children becoming depressed, low self esteem, have anxiety issues and have increased anger, violence, crime, in adulthood.

Parents who are materialistic, status orientated, work more than they ‘need’ to for ‘things’, are time poor – can lead to all manner of issues in their childhood and this leave long term issues into adulthood.

Parents who are very controlling – this again can lead to big issues. I know one woman who is very controlling and her daughter has BPD/alcohol issues, as a result. This mother is totally oblivious to the harm caused by her parenting. She doesn’t see it is anything to do with her, at all. But, I do. Controlling parents cause many mental health issues in their children, that continue on into adulthood.

Parents who think it’s funny to put down people and be bitchy etc – teach their children to be the same – be bullies, remaining into adulthood.

There are so many more I could list. Continue reading