Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Book Recommendation – Healing From Hidden Abuse ~ Shannon Thomas

shannon thomas book

A book I highly recommend, due to the amazing author – Shannon Thomas – LCSW.

Shannon has considerable insight into psychological abuse, from a professional and survivor point of view.

And it is always the survivors – who in my opinion – have the most insight into abuse and abusers.

This book also expresses the abuse found with churches and church people – something I am very aware of having endured.

Shannon is a Christian, as am I, so there is that added layer of spiritual abuse and religious abuse, I know is needed to be discussed far more.

I am really looking forward to reading it and giving a review.

This book is available for pre-order now and to buy late August on

Amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470438802&sr=1-2

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Abusers will try to deny your normal reactions, to their abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


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Breaking A Child’s Spirit – Is Not Of Jesus

It bothers me greatly, how too many churches and church people, are deluded to believe hurting children and ‘breaking their spirit’ – is love, or needed, or healthy, or Jesus like.

I’ve seen a toxic, unhealthy, spiritually abusive church in action. I was abused there, and know I am not alone in this.

The ‘in-house’ parenting courses, run by elders and authorised by the abusive ministers, encourage parents to hit their children, from being babies onwards….. increasing in harshness and pain level – to belting older children and teenagers.

Sadly, this is all too common in right wing, conservative type churches.

I discussed this at length today in counselling, after hearing of more abusive practises, that sadly don’t surprise me, but disgust me.

These toxic people, choose to starve their children for more than 24 hours, to ‘break their spirit’. It was confirmed in counselling, this is 100% child abuse. As is the belting and hitting children.

These abusive practises, also combine with women being subservient to their husbands. I’ve heard these people state beliefs, like a woman should always offer herself every day, for sex. Or she is failing as a wife. Women are encouraged not to work and to do all their husbands demand. They are required to ask permission to spend money and many other subservient attitudes.

Interestingly, these people, used the toxic resources of the now disgraced Mark Driscoll, who resigned before he was sacked…. for abuse, plagiarism, trolling social media under a fake name and more.  His attitudes are abusive…. so this church I once attended, loved these abusive resources, promoted by an abusive pastor.

They also believe all those not Baptised, not following these abusive beliefs, are going to be thrown by God into a big pit of fire, to burn for eternity. More Bible verses, they choose not to know the real interpretation and context of.

God is not the abusive, narcissistic psychopath – they portray him as. But, they choose to see God as that…….. so they can act like narcissistic psychopaths, themselves.

It paints a very dark, gruesome picture of abuse, on many levels.

And I have had all of this confirmed as abuse, by other wise Christian people

My heart breaks for all the children affected by these toxic, abusive people. To know they are continually in fear and being harmed and told this is ‘love’ is horrendous. To know Continue reading


Published by The Minds Journal !!

I am so excited!!!!

I was stoked when they asked me to send in an article, and I didn’t actually believe they would want to publish it, but they did!!!

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Questions To Ask Potential Therapists About Treating Complex Trauma by Lilly Hope Lucario


I really am SO thankful to The Minds Journal. They are such a quality site.

Much gratitude to them!! Continue reading

A toxic, harmful or abusive person, does not get to dictate…

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Love yourself enough….

There is no nobility in allowing someone to treat you badly. It doesn’t make you a better person, to enable abusive and toxic behaviours. That’s not empathy, or compassion…. and sadly too many believe it is.



How to Cope With A Narcissist


A lot of people ask me how to cope with a narcissist, because many do not have the option to go no contact. For those who have to remain in some form of relationship, finding skills to cope and manage, are vital.

This is a list I found, that has excellent tips on coping with a narcissistic person.

Note, this would also apply to any toxic, abusive person, including sociopaths, psychopaths and those who have many of these traits, but are not diagnosed. Most personality disordered people, are not diagnosed, because few of them seek professional help and those that do, often manipulate professionals, to believe they are victims, rather than perpetrators of abuse.

This is from the link @ http://www.changemyrelationship.com/christian-relationship-help-boundaries-with-a-narcissist/

Coping Skills for Dealing with a Narcissist

You cannot make narcissists change. Personality disorders are the most difficult psychological problems to treat because the person lacks insight into who they are and has no awareness of the need to change. Your efforts to force change will most likely cause more backlash toward you.

You need to focus your efforts on changing yourself.  Face the truth about who they are, adjust your expectations, refocus your efforts, and learn to take care of yourself. Here are some of the things you can do:

  • Work on developing a strong sense of “self.”
  •  Learn to validate your “self.”
  •  Give up trying to make the narcissist validate your feelings, thoughts and needs.
  •  Attend to your own needs.
  •  Identify the things in you that make you vulnerable to the narcissist’s behaviors.
  •  Identify the narcissistic behaviors so you can defend yourself against them and not    be surprised when they happen.
  •      Stop trying to explain yourself and instead make short statements about what you will and won’t do.
  •  Set clear boundaries and refuse to back down.
  •  Develop assertiveness skills.
  •  Sever the relationship if necessary or limit interactions if it is too toxic.

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I need to work on my ‘approach’ with people…

I’m what some would say ‘a straight talker’. Verbally, I say things quite bluntly – how they are.

People often don’t respond to ‘blunt’. They need a softly softly approach. And that’s the verbal communication style, I need to learn.

I emailed my counsellor today, to let her know I realise the following phrase, whilst true, about church people’s lack of keeping children safe , enabling predators, and absolute lack of wisdom…. is not gonna get church people to listen…

“You think you are full of grace, mercy and compassion…… but really you are just full of shit”.

I did have a giggle to myself. Because I can see how many church people would react to that!

When I know I need to work on something….. I do.

But, after a really shit weekend, it was good to have a giggle.

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