I am always so relieved and thankful when I see Christians, writing the truth…. about the continual victim blaming, victim shaming and shame shifting, that goes on in way too many churches.
Praise God, for the truth coming into the light!
I could have written this part myself. Exactly the same understanding, I have.
“The adult claims the child wanted it—or the child deserved it—or the child masterminded it—or the child needed it—or the child was sinful. Abusers constantly are trying to shift blame for abuse onto the victims they abused.
And society in general is more than willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt. After all, we live in patriarchal times and men are the most common abusers. So we justify the abuse, or we excuse it, or we come up with reasons for why it was not the abuser’s fault, or we decide it was a mutual decision.
Then we repeat these stories and justifications and excuses and rationales over and over again, until even a self-contradictory biblical narrative is interpreted by churches and Christians in favor of the abuser for centuries.”
Tamar was wearing a long robe with many colors. The king’s virgin daughters wore robes like this. Tamar tore her robe of many colors and put ashes on her head. Then she put her hand on her head and began crying. Then Tamar’s brother Absalom said to her, “Have you been with your brother Amnon? Did he hurt you? Now, calm down sister. Amnon is your brother, so we will take care of this. Don’t let it upset you too much.” So Tamar did not say anything. She quietly went to live at Absalom’s house. King David heard the news and became very angry, but he did not want to say anything to upset Amnon, because he loved him since he was his firstborn son. Absalom began to hate Amnon. Absalom did not say one word, good or bad, to Amnon, but he hated him because Amnon had raped his sister Tamar.
~ 2 Samuel 13:18
As a child and survivor advocate, I find Tamar’s story to be one of the most haunting in the Bible. Along with the murder of Abel and the rape of Dinah, Tamar’s abuse shows how parents and leaders have failed to properly understand and respond to child abuse since the beginning of time.
Their actions have amplified the damage instead of fostered healing. It was Amnon who first caused Tamar to tear her robe in grief. Yet her father David and her brother Absalom cause a second tearing of the robe, by forcing Tamar into further silence and shame. Absalom later goes on a murderous rampage against Amnon, but Tamar — her story, her injustice, even her very existence — vanish from the text, as absent from future biblical narratives as they are from most sermons and pulpits today.
It shows how people have been failing child abuse survivors, forever. And it still goes on. Particularly with church people. Continue reading →
I see people who think they are showing compassion and grace to abusive people, to narcissistic/sociopathic people etc – but what they fail to realise is that they actually courting evil, by becoming one of their ‘apaths’.
I see this, even in people who believe they are wise and spiritually progressed.
I don’t hate abusive people. I don’t want anything bad to occur to them. I do want them stopped from hurting people.
But, I will never condone, enable, excuse, ignore their behaviour. Which is what apaths, so.
It is hard to watch and know there is so little I can do.
Not only are abusive people increasing – but their apath’s, are too.
This is not wisdom, not compassion, not empathy…it is being deceived.
Read here for more info on the Sociopath – Apath – Empath Triad.
So good to have support from my doctor and others, about my intentions to do more about the abusive, narc pastor and her understand my reasons, which are very genuine and appropriate reasons.
And I will do whatever I can legally, which I am finding out more about and I will pursue whatever is legally open to me. I know my heart reasons and I know my faith reasons for this. Wolves in sheep’s clothing should not be pastors. And I don’t want more people hurt by this lying, narcissistic, self serving, wolf. And, I do not care in the slightest what anyone at the church he pastors at thinks about this. I am aware they will wrongly assume all sort of crap. They can go ahead.
My spiritual understanding, my understanding of God, my understanding of Jesus and who He is and my spiritual integrity, is greater than all of them combined. If they choose apathy, If they choose cheap grace, if they choose their needs to remain in their inner circles, if they choose to worship their church and leaders instead of God, if they choose being a narcissist’s apaths – that is their issues. And the shame and all their sin, is theirs too.
Apathy, will never be something I condone.
Using God/Jesus to hurt others, rightly offends my soul greatly.
Support is always needed though and I have this from several people.
Thank you God. I wouldn’t be who I am, without You.
I don’t care what people think of me, about this either.
Jesus was not apathetic about abuse, or God being used as the excuse, and He got angry.
He is my role model, no-one else.
I am a Christian, wanting to be more like Jesus, not trying to be more like ‘Christians’ – who are mostly just church people.
APATHY IS EVIL.
I know that, but sadly most church people don’t.
If church people want to be apathetic, well that’s their sin and shame to deal with, not mine.
And they can harp about grace, their cheap grace all they like, cheap grace is sin too. Cheap grace is for non Christians. For people who have no spiritual integrity.
Using pain on anyone – for any reason, in a planned way, using God as the excuse – makes you a sociopath.
And that includes all the people who do this at North Pine Baptist Church, Queensland.
I know you do this, because I have been told directly from church members and those high up your little ladder of importance that you do this, to teenagers and you encourage harsh physical punishment on children and even babies.
You are sociopaths. And the weak ones who follow along mindlessly like sheep, are just sociopath apaths, who condone it.
You choose evil, pain to, hurt your children.
You are disgusting, all of you.
I pray for your children. all of them. They don’t deserve to have to endure you as parents.
In my opinion, you are full on sociopaths who haven’t got a clue who Jesus is.
And your church, is more like a cult, than you will ever admit, or understand.
Why? Because sociopaths are considered to be ‘morally insane’ and that is what you are. Totally unable to reflect about it.
I pity you, all.
And I am angry, because child abuse is disgusting.
We are deeply blessed to have been delivered by God, from your ‘church’.
I praise God for that. He always keeps us safe, from evil. And I leave your fate to Him.
But, you still disgust me, every time I think about one of your babies getting smacked, one of your teenagers getting belted.
No wonder you condone a narcissistic, abusive pastor/pastors wife.
You wouldn’t know morals and right from wrong, or the truth, if it got up and smacked you in the mouth. Sociopaths and sociopath apaths, don’t.
As a Christian – who does ‘not’ push my faith on anyone – I feel deeply angered, and upset for anyone who has endured abuse from church people (they are not Christians if they abuse), who abuse people, their children, the congregation, their spouses etc.
I see a massive need to help support people who have been abused spiritually and also then emotionally, mentally etc as well.
Please know, I do NOT condone this in any way, at all. The fact that it is enabled and encouraged within churches – is DISGUSTING!!
The fact that so many physically abuse their children, with harsh physical ‘discipline’ disgusts me. I know a church that encourage people to take belts to their teenagers, one of the elders wives told me, herself. Evil.
I am also very much angered by all the apathy about this, look the other way, use of cheap grace and forced forgiveness etc.
I am even a little angry with my own doctor for having such an apathetic take on this. That upsets my soul too. I feel too many church people are apathetic about this.
I am NOT pushing this an a faith issue, I am voicing how I feel deeply for people abused, in the name of God, by these disgusting people. And whilst I do not repay evil, with evil, I also am very rightfully angry about this.
There needs to be more people like me, willing to say – what these church people and ministers do is absolutely wrong and it is abuse and they should be STOPPED!
This subject really and deeply offends my soul, so please be tolerant of that – as it is also supporting the survivors of churches, survivors of the sociopaths that are attracted to church, to use religion as an excuse to abuse.
So, this post is support anyone in this community, who has endured this.
So please DO NOT use this to speak of your religious views, or atheist views etc – this is about support for abuse survivors. If anyone does, the comment will be removed.
Many Church people delude themselves with this ‘we all sin, we cannot judge’ crap, and cheap grace, that enables everyone to sin and just maybe say a quick pathetic ‘sorry’ and then apparently that means repentance and they won’t do it again. And it’s okay to abuse children with harsh physical abuse, and just ignore that.
Hey. it’s ONLY abuse, child abuse, spiritual abuse….what does that matter?
I even heard recently that it is okay if the wrong message is being spoken in churches, even if it is preaching God has evil in Him, as long as people are preaching Him. Wow. That is so not okay. So apparently the abusive, unhealthy church I was abused at, by a minister, is okay to continue preaching God is a sociopath and it’s okay to hurt people, physically abuse children, spiritually abuse anyone. Wow.
That deeply offends my understanding of God. That deeply offends my understanding of the harm to people this causes.
I currently have a survivor of church/religious abuse I talk with on Twitter. She/he has been hurt deeply by church people, being abusive, in childhood onwards. She/he is now an atheist. And I absolutely understand why. I am modelling to her/him, how I do NOT agree or justify what these abusive church people have done, including harsh physical discipline and how I know Jesus does not either. I don’t ‘tell’ her/him to believe in God, or make any assumptions as to what will happen if she/he doesn’t, because that is NOT my judgment to make, and I believe God has mercy and deep understanding for abused people who have been abused in His name.
All I can do, is to say, quite categorically – I do NOT think it is okay what has happened to this person, I do NOT condone it or justify it, like others will, and that I care, and I do not think any less of this person, in fact I have great compassion, patience and love for this person. And that, is all I need to do.
I don’t tell her/him to hate the people that abused her/him, and I also do not force the issue of forgiveness, because how would I know whether that is appropriate? I don’t. In fact I know it isn’t. That is another abuse far too many church people inflict on people. I don’t have this entitled need to force this on others. I just want to love them.
And this person has searched this blog and been tearful, but in a good way, to read my views on this. Particularly what I wrote about my understanding of ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’. Because I will NEVER accept that taking belts etc to children/teenagers is okay – it is not. It is abuse. Child abuse. As confirmed by my Christian doctor.
But, it does offend my soul when I see God spoken of bu church people, in terms of being a sociopath, or see people being hurt and harmed by unwise, immature church people. Particularly as they harm others, in the name of God, using perfect God, as the excuse.
It would appear that having integrity to what you know, having spiritual courage to say ‘this is not okay’ and having empathy with abuse victims, is considered wrong in society. Continue reading →
My whole life I have been nice to people, even when they have hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
I’m still being told that’s what I should do, by Christians, who think this is wisdom.
It isn’t wisdom, it is apathy, choosing an easy life, not wanting to rock the boat.
Did Jesus act ‘nicely’ to everyone? No He didn’t. So, no I won’t listen to other ‘Christians’ who fail to see what Jesus modelled.
I’m not here to be like other Christians, I am here to be more like Jesus.
Jesus chucked people out of temples, when dealing with the adulterous woman being treated badly – He stated the truth and the temple emptied, He got angry many times, He said ‘get behind me Satan’ when people made a choice to do wrong/sin/evil. When doing this, He was dealing with reality, dealing with it appropriately. He wasn’t apathetic.
I’m not Jesus, for from, never will be perfect Jesus, but I see how He modelled for us to live our life.
I get told in counselling, I have to treat people who have hurt me, harmed me, let me down, betrayed me, abused me – as though they are human beings and be nice to them. Apparently, that is meant to be compassion and love.
Well, you know what that does? Enables them. Tells them their behaviour is okay. That is choosing evil. That is not doing anything to try any reduce abuse and sin. So, it is not spiritual wisdom. Continue reading →
I am not shy in saying, I think many church people are as, or more messed up, than non church goers.
Too much ego, too much pride, too much asking for money, too much bickering, too many rules, too much religion, not enough wisdom, too much apathy, too much abuse, too much spiritual/emotional abuse, too much cheap grace, too much ‘you have to do this our way’, too much shallow crap, too much believing they are superior to others, too many ‘cliques’, far too many that are actually not Christians at all, too many pew warmers and don’t even get me started on the ministers.
Of course, each church will deny this.
I have neither the capacity, or the desire, to participate in all this.
Have I had great examples of churches and church people. No.
Do I think they are all this way. No.
I do think they are mostly only for average people, and not for those healing very traumatic lives – in my experience – church is the last place to go for that.
Do I have the energy, or the need to keep looking, until I find one, led by someone I can trust, where I will feel safe, feel my family is safe. No.
“Christianity’ is a mess. Anyone who believes differently, is deluded, in denial, very naïve, or brainwashed.
Most churches and church people are NOTHING, like they were in the 1st Century.
I am thankful there are some amazing, mature Christians, trying to help all the ones who have no clue.
But, I do not have the gifts right now, to do that. My healing, my PTSD, my family, preserving my life – are all more important than other people right now. And it is not selfish to say that.
Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 
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