Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


When the first interaction from a religious person…. is about forgiveness. *sigh.

Religious people, can be very tunnel visioned, very black and white and very lacking in empathy, or understanding about trauma. They also often feel very compelled and entitled, to shame you, for not being a ‘good enough Christian’…. by shaming you about forgiveness, grace etc.

I have come to realise, if the first interaction on social media with a religious person, is about forgiveness, I know I am dealing with someone unhealthy.

So, I utilise the block facility on Twitter. I don’t entertain unhealthy, dysfunctional religious people anymore.

You cannot reason, with people who choose not to have rational, empathic or reasonable thinking.

If shaming people about forgiveness, is your thing….. you are not welcome in my life, in any way. You are not going to make my followers feel shamed, by toxic religious and spiritual abuse. Continue reading

Meeting up to chat with the church minister.

I currently attend a church, purely because I want my children to grow up with faith, and only because the church has the children’s ministry – right where I can see them.

I don’t trust church people. I don’t trust at all, they will deal with predators appropriately. I don’t trust they will not shame and harm abuse survivors. And I have very warranted distrust, due to not only all I have seen, endured and witnessed myself. But, also due to amount of other people harmed by church people.

Since attending this church, I have been very low key. I watch, observe, process, and I am vigilant, about every aspect. I’ve already noted some red flags, and I am still observing, whilst knowing my children are safe.

The female minister of the church, has invited me to coffee. Which is very kind of her. I can tell, she knows I have ‘something’ occurring in my life.

So, now I have the dilemma, of how much do I tell her, about what is happening in my life, What has happened in my past? The spiritual abuse I’ve already endured? The book I will be writing about church abuse?

I don’t need to tell her much at all. I’m aware I need to only reveal a little, and then discern how she deals with that.

I know how to build trust slowly now.

I know how to have boundaries, and not reveal all.

I’m aware of building any relationship slowly.

My counsellor has advised me, not to trust this minister, until I know her a lot better. My  counsellor is a Christian, her husband is a church elder etc. She knows the ‘church issues’ that go on.

In fact, it was my counsellor that helped me to change my vocabulary from saying ‘so called Christians’…… to ‘church people’. Which is how I describe all church goers now. Many are not Christians. Many churches, are in fact cults. I’ve endured a cult, that is deluded to believe they are a church. I’ve endured narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopathic church people, pretending to be church pastors, pastors wives, elders etc.

So, I will be building up any relationship I have with these church people, very slowly, very cautiously and very carefully.

I am hopeful, this church is a fairly healthy one. I would like it to be a healthy church. But, I am prepared, for Continue reading


Healthy boundaries……do I really ‘know’ what they are yet??

Posted to my page..

“Something I have been thinking about recently…

I talk a lot about healthy boundaries….they are needed. For healing, for protecting self, for general wellbeing etc.

But, I don’t think I actually know what they are yet. I kinda know on an intellectual level, but when tested, particularly when in an emotional state, I am aware the concept of healthy boundaries….is not there.

Need to work on this.

Does anyone else relate?”

This received a lot of responses, with people really relating…….including one that said..

Absolutely and 1st time that I have heard another person be so honest about it“.

I added to the post…

“This is what I am needing to learn in counselling. I realise – much to my complete embarrassment – that as a 43 year old woman, I need someone to teach me things I didn’t learn when I was supposed to learn them, in childhood…(And I have to shut up, listen and stop being so stubborn, as otherwise, I am not going to learn anything).

But, I have to have self compassion, to know this was not my doing, and that I still revert to my trauma-survival modes when emotional – which is normal for me and as a survivor of massive trauma.

And to also recognise – this is self insight and real honesty about myself, that many people don’t/can’t have. So, whilst embarrassing, at least I am aware, insightful and willing to be honest about the stuff I need to work on.

And give myself credit, for being ‘willing’ to work on it. It shows I don’t have an unhealthy ego, that can’t bare (or is it bear?) to have self insight and prefers to just assume I am fine as I am. I know I’m not ‘fine’ as I am.

So, for all of us who know we have stuff to work on –

give yourself credit for that –

it takes courage and inner strength!! Continue reading


Resisting the urge, to point out the obvious :)

During my last session with my doctor, she stated an activity that she had done over the weekend with her family, which was lovely and I am really happy for her and told her I though this was lovely 🙂

This activity requires money. It’s expensive. My doctor is middle class.

She talked about this activity being so good for discipline for children etc and as she talked, it was as if she was suggesting to me, that it would be great for my family…..which I’m sure it would…

Except, we are working class, on one low income, with no money for any extras, no money for luxuries of the society in which we reside, no money for expensive….anything’s.

I know she meant no harm, at all. But, I had to resist the urge to point out the obvious, that we are lower income working class, and she is wealthy middle class and I’m sure that activity would be fab for everyone, but we are not all able to access, most of what then middle classes can.
Continue reading

What I think of abuse occurring within churches – in plain sight. It disgusts my soul.

A post to my community page.

As a Christian – who does ‘not’ push my faith on anyone – I feel deeply angered, and upset for anyone who has endured abuse from church people (they are not Christians if they abuse), who abuse people, their children, the congregation, their spouses etc.

I see a massive need to help support people who have been abused spiritually and also then emotionally, mentally etc as well.

Please know, I do NOT condone this in any way, at all. The fact that it is enabled and encouraged within churches – is DISGUSTING!!

The fact that so many physically abuse their children, with harsh physical ‘discipline’ disgusts me. I know a church that encourage people to take belts to their teenagers, one of the elders wives told me, herself. Evil.

I am also very much angered by all the apathy about this, look the other way, use of cheap grace and forced forgiveness etc.

I am even a little angry with my own doctor for having such an apathetic take on this. That upsets my soul too. I feel too many church people are apathetic about this.

I am NOT pushing this an a faith issue, I am voicing how I feel deeply for people abused, in the name of God, by these disgusting people. And whilst I do not repay evil, with evil, I also am very rightfully angry about this.

There needs to be more people like me, willing to say – what these church people and ministers do is absolutely wrong and it is abuse and they should be STOPPED!

This subject really and deeply offends my soul, so please be tolerant of that – as it is also supporting the survivors of churches, survivors of the sociopaths that are attracted to church, to use religion as an excuse to abuse.

So, this post is support anyone in this community, who has endured this.

So please DO NOT use this to speak of your religious views, or atheist views etc – this is about support for abuse survivors. If anyone does, the comment will be removed.

Thank you

((((((((((hugs))))))))) to anyone who needs one

1 Comment

I would go to church, if they actually were ‘Bodies Of Christ’.

I am not shy in saying, I think many church people are as, or more messed up, than non church goers.

Too much ego, too much pride, too much asking for money, too much bickering, too many rules, too much religion, not enough wisdom, too much apathy, too much abuse, too much spiritual/emotional abuse, too much cheap grace, too much ‘you have to do this our way’, too much shallow crap, too much believing they are superior to others, too many ‘cliques’, far too many that are actually not Christians at all, too many pew warmers and don’t even get me started on the ministers.

Of course, each church will deny this.

I have neither the capacity, or the desire, to participate in all this.

Have I had great examples of churches and church people. No.

Do I think they are all this way. No.

I do think they are mostly only for average people, and not for those healing very traumatic lives – in my experience – church is the last place to go for that.

Do I have the energy, or the need to keep looking, until I find one, led by someone I can trust, where I will feel safe, feel my family is safe. No.

“Christianity’ is a mess. Anyone who believes differently, is deluded, in denial, very naïve, or brainwashed.

Most churches and church people are NOTHING, like they were in the 1st Century.

I am thankful there are some amazing, mature Christians, trying to help all the ones who have no clue.

But, I do not have the gifts right now, to do that. My healing, my PTSD, my family, preserving my life – are all more important than other people right now. And it is not selfish to say that.

Anyone who says that is wrong – are you God?


I can live my life as a true Christian, without church….but the stage 3 er’s, won’t agree.

I am aware of the stages of faith. I read it and it was a huge light bulb moment for me.

I know most church people need church and I am not invalidating that, or saying their needs are wrong.

Yet, many will be quick to dismiss my decision to not attend church.

I am and I intend being a witness of my faith, without having to park my butt every Sunday morning on a pew.

I believe the Bible talks about church, because God knows how many need that – how many need constant reminders, they need herding like sheep. They need to belong and have their groups, like teenagers do. Mostly this is not about community, or being a witness, it is because most church goers, are either not Christians at all, or are at that stage 3 faith progression and will stay stuck and need church due to that.

Which is good and fine and they can do that, but it is all the more obvious what stage they are at, when they claim that all ‘Christians’ need church.

stages_of_faith Continue reading


I will not be brainwashed, by foolish church people.

I stand by my understanding, that Church people can be the most foolish and unwise people I have known.

They confuse their assumed role of having to be compassionate, never angry, never judging etc – in a very unwise way.

They allow and enable abusive people to continue what they do. They apply cheap grace, often not even understanding what cheap grace is. They do whatever they need to do for their ‘own needs’. Not for God’s.

The ones on the right, are often abusive, legalistic, rules led, church rules dominated, lack of empathy, lack of wisdom, church goers.

The ones on the left, just think anything goes and there needs to be nothing that God requires of us.

Both equally wrong, equally nothing like Jesus, equally lacking in any spiritual wisdom.

Many church people are no different to the rest of society, egocentric, selfish, lacking in empathy, compassion, altruism.

Why don’t I go to church? Continue reading