Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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When the first interaction from a religious person…. is about forgiveness. *sigh.

Religious people, can be very tunnel visioned, very black and white and very lacking in empathy, or understanding about trauma. They also often feel very compelled and entitled, to shame you, for not being a ‘good enough Christian’…. by shaming you about forgiveness, grace etc.

I have come to realise, if the first interaction on social media with a religious person, is about forgiveness, I know I am dealing with someone unhealthy.

So, I utilise the block facility on Twitter. I don’t entertain unhealthy, dysfunctional religious people anymore.

You cannot reason, with people who choose not to have rational, empathic or reasonable thinking.

If shaming people about forgiveness, is your thing….. you are not welcome in my life, in any way. You are not going to make my followers feel shamed, by toxic religious and spiritual abuse. Continue reading


Meeting up to chat with the church minister.

I currently attend a church, purely because I want my children to grow up with faith, and only because the church has the children’s ministry – right where I can see them.

I don’t trust church people. I don’t trust at all, they will deal with predators appropriately. I don’t trust they will not shame and harm abuse survivors. And I have very warranted distrust, due to not only all I have seen, endured and witnessed myself. But, also due to amount of other people harmed by church people.

Since attending this church, I have been very low key. I watch, observe, process, and I am vigilant, about every aspect. I’ve already noted some red flags, and I am still observing, whilst knowing my children are safe.

The female minister of the church, has invited me to coffee. Which is very kind of her. I can tell, she knows I have ‘something’ occurring in my life.

So, now I have the dilemma, of how much do I tell her, about what is happening in my life, What has happened in my past? The spiritual abuse I’ve already endured? The book I will be writing about church abuse?

I don’t need to tell her much at all. I’m aware I need to only reveal a little, and then discern how she deals with that.

I know how to build trust slowly now.

I know how to have boundaries, and not reveal all.

I’m aware of building any relationship slowly.

My counsellor has advised me, not to trust this minister, until I know her a lot better. My  counsellor is a Christian, her husband is a church elder etc. She knows the ‘church issues’ that go on.

In fact, it was my counsellor that helped me to change my vocabulary from saying ‘so called Christians’…… to ‘church people’. Which is how I describe all church goers now. Many are not Christians. Many churches, are in fact cults. I’ve endured a cult, that is deluded to believe they are a church. I’ve endured narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopathic church people, pretending to be church pastors, pastors wives, elders etc.

So, I will be building up any relationship I have with these church people, very slowly, very cautiously and very carefully.

I am hopeful, this church is a fairly healthy one. I would like it to be a healthy church. But, I am prepared, for Continue reading


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Healthy boundaries……do I really ‘know’ what they are yet??

Posted to my page..

“Something I have been thinking about recently…

I talk a lot about healthy boundaries….they are needed. For healing, for protecting self, for general wellbeing etc.

But, I don’t think I actually know what they are yet. I kinda know on an intellectual level, but when tested, particularly when in an emotional state, I am aware the concept of healthy boundaries….is not there.

Need to work on this.

Does anyone else relate?”


This received a lot of responses, with people really relating…….including one that said..

Absolutely and 1st time that I have heard another person be so honest about it“.


I added to the post…

“This is what I am needing to learn in counselling. I realise – much to my complete embarrassment – that as a 43 year old woman, I need someone to teach me things I didn’t learn when I was supposed to learn them, in childhood…(And I have to shut up, listen and stop being so stubborn, as otherwise, I am not going to learn anything).

But, I have to have self compassion, to know this was not my doing, and that I still revert to my trauma-survival modes when emotional – which is normal for me and as a survivor of massive trauma.

And to also recognise – this is self insight and real honesty about myself, that many people don’t/can’t have. So, whilst embarrassing, at least I am aware, insightful and willing to be honest about the stuff I need to work on.

And give myself credit, for being ‘willing’ to work on it. It shows I don’t have an unhealthy ego, that can’t bare (or is it bear?) to have self insight and prefers to just assume I am fine as I am. I know I’m not ‘fine’ as I am.

So, for all of us who know we have stuff to work on –

give yourself credit for that –

it takes courage and inner strength!! Continue reading


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Resisting the urge, to point out the obvious :)

During my last session with my doctor, she stated an activity that she had done over the weekend with her family, which was lovely and I am really happy for her and told her I though this was lovely 🙂

This activity requires money. It’s expensive. My doctor is middle class.

She talked about this activity being so good for discipline for children etc and as she talked, it was as if she was suggesting to me, that it would be great for my family…..which I’m sure it would…

Except, we are working class, on one low income, with no money for any extras, no money for luxuries of the society in which we reside, no money for expensive….anything’s.

I know she meant no harm, at all. But, I had to resist the urge to point out the obvious, that we are lower income working class, and she is wealthy middle class and I’m sure that activity would be fab for everyone, but we are not all able to access, most of what then middle classes can.
Continue reading


What I think of abuse occurring within churches – in plain sight. It disgusts my soul.

A post to my community page.

As a Christian – who does ‘not’ push my faith on anyone – I feel deeply angered, and upset for anyone who has endured abuse from church people (they are not Christians if they abuse), who abuse people, their children, the congregation, their spouses etc.

I see a massive need to help support people who have been abused spiritually and also then emotionally, mentally etc as well.

Please know, I do NOT condone this in any way, at all. The fact that it is enabled and encouraged within churches – is DISGUSTING!!

The fact that so many physically abuse their children, with harsh physical ‘discipline’ disgusts me. I know a church that encourage people to take belts to their teenagers, one of the elders wives told me, herself. Evil.

I am also very much angered by all the apathy about this, look the other way, use of cheap grace and forced forgiveness etc.

I am even a little angry with my own doctor for having such an apathetic take on this. That upsets my soul too. I feel too many church people are apathetic about this.

I am NOT pushing this an a faith issue, I am voicing how I feel deeply for people abused, in the name of God, by these disgusting people. And whilst I do not repay evil, with evil, I also am very rightfully angry about this.

There needs to be more people like me, willing to say – what these church people and ministers do is absolutely wrong and it is abuse and they should be STOPPED!

This subject really and deeply offends my soul, so please be tolerant of that – as it is also supporting the survivors of churches, survivors of the sociopaths that are attracted to church, to use religion as an excuse to abuse.

So, this post is support anyone in this community, who has endured this.

So please DO NOT use this to speak of your religious views, or atheist views etc – this is about support for abuse survivors. If anyone does, the comment will be removed.

Thank you

((((((((((hugs))))))))) to anyone who needs one