Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Don’t be a hypocrite, when it comes to child abuse…

It is highly hypocritical – to be someone who claims to be concerned about child abuse – if you smack/spank your own children, which is deliberately inflicting pain on a child, that does ‘not’ need inflicting.

Children can be raised to be well behaved, respectful, secure and happy, without physical punishment (abuse). Mine are.

It is proven by experts in child development, psychology and neuroscience, that spanking/smacking, negatively affects a child’s growing brain and lead to greater risk of mental health issues like depression and anxiety and physical health issues, like heart attacks and strokes, later in life.

But, abusive minds, are always hypocrites.

And justify their own needs to inflict pain on someone vulnerable.

Don’t be that.


Don’t be shamed into having to ‘love your parents’ in the way society/church people can demand.

I like Jeff brown – he speaks a lot of wisdom and I appreciate his posts.

Jeff can be found @ https://www.facebook.com/SOULSHAPING?fref=nf

A post on his page today..

“Some of us cannot preserve our dignity and well-being if we remain connected to one or both of our parents. This is not to say that we don’t do our best to heal and preserve those relationships, but sometimes it is simply not possible and it is not healthy to continue. Unfortunately, many who have made the brave, necessary decision to disconnect are met with a shaming, shunning response from others.

It is one of the most destructive and imprisoning guilt trips of all time “But she’s your mother”, “But he’s your father”, “They did their best”, “You owe them your life” etc. This has to stop. You can be sure that if someone is considering disconnecting from members of their family of origin, there must be very legitimate reasons for doing so.

Even if they did their best, that doesn’t mean we have to stay in contact with them.

Some wounds cut too deep. Some bridges have been permanently burnt. Some people do not change.

Let’s get this straight- you are not a bad person if you choose to say good bye to abusive family members.

You have every right to preserve your emotional integrity.” Continue reading


What I think of abuse occurring within churches – in plain sight. It disgusts my soul.

A post to my community page.

As a Christian – who does ‘not’ push my faith on anyone – I feel deeply angered, and upset for anyone who has endured abuse from church people (they are not Christians if they abuse), who abuse people, their children, the congregation, their spouses etc.

I see a massive need to help support people who have been abused spiritually and also then emotionally, mentally etc as well.

Please know, I do NOT condone this in any way, at all. The fact that it is enabled and encouraged within churches – is DISGUSTING!!

The fact that so many physically abuse their children, with harsh physical ‘discipline’ disgusts me. I know a church that encourage people to take belts to their teenagers, one of the elders wives told me, herself. Evil.

I am also very much angered by all the apathy about this, look the other way, use of cheap grace and forced forgiveness etc.

I am even a little angry with my own doctor for having such an apathetic take on this. That upsets my soul too. I feel too many church people are apathetic about this.

I am NOT pushing this an a faith issue, I am voicing how I feel deeply for people abused, in the name of God, by these disgusting people. And whilst I do not repay evil, with evil, I also am very rightfully angry about this.

There needs to be more people like me, willing to say – what these church people and ministers do is absolutely wrong and it is abuse and they should be STOPPED!

This subject really and deeply offends my soul, so please be tolerant of that – as it is also supporting the survivors of churches, survivors of the sociopaths that are attracted to church, to use religion as an excuse to abuse.

So, this post is support anyone in this community, who has endured this.

So please DO NOT use this to speak of your religious views, or atheist views etc – this is about support for abuse survivors. If anyone does, the comment will be removed.

Thank you

((((((((((hugs))))))))) to anyone who needs one


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Yes, I am a Christian. No, I don’t need to honour and respect abusive parents.

“Why isn’t there a commandment to “honor thy children” or at least one to “not abuse thy children”? The notion that we must honor our parents causes many people to bury their real feelings and set aside their own needs in order to have a relationship with people they would otherwise not associate with.

Parents, like anyone else, need to earn respect and honor, and honoring parents who are negative and abusive is not only impossible but extremely self-abusive. Perhaps, as with anything else, honoring our parents starts with honoring ourselves. For many adult children, honoring themselves means not having anything to do with one or both of their parents.”

― Beverly Engel, Divorcing a Parent

Christianity often gets so much of what is stated in the Bible wrong. Particularly when it comes to abuse.

God does not want us to be in any relationships where abuse is occurring, where it will not stop. Anyone who thinks you have to say married to an abusive person, or have contact with abusive parents etc, are very wrong, and have no idea of God’s pure character.

God is pure love.

Would God want anyone to be abused, for the sake of adhering to a Bible quote, often taken out of context? Continue reading


My passion changing to reducing abuse. Fight this apathetic society I have to live in.

For the last 12 months, I have assumed I would progress towards being a counsellor, and many more insightful counsellors are needed.

Insight into complex trauma, empathy for others, non apathetic mindset about abusive people and a Christian perspective, is a rare combination.

Christians can often be the most messed up and apathetic of all when it comes to how to deal with abusive people. And often fail miserably helping victims/survivors, with their judgmental, bible bashing, brainwashed, entitled views.

Dear Christians, God you are not.

And may I remind you Christians…..apathy is the opposite of good and is why you allow abuse and evil to continue within your churches.

And don’t even get me started on ‘cheap grace’. This evil is like the backbone of far too much of Christianity. Continue reading


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Need to get back into my faith studies. Study the Proverbs 31 woman.

I have not done much Bible study for the last 2 months, and that’s okay because I have just not been able to.

But, studying my faith, is important to me and I know it will be a lifelong journey of growth.

The Proverb 31 woman, is well known, and gets often talked about. And I have noticed – certain parts ignored, that don’t suit.

(The Baptist Church, I previously went to like to ignore the fact that the Proverbs 31 woman, had her own business and worked. Their limited, immature and sometimes abusive views, were that working women, were wrong. Unchristian. Looked down on. There was a very evident divide between the gang that worked and the gang that were SAHM’s. You had to stay home, raise your children and be in the kitchen, or the bedroom. The men worked and it was considered by them – to emasculate men, if their women worked. But, they have very right wing, abusive and wrong doctrine and beliefs in many things. And the men were narcs, insecure and needed their women to raise them up, to hide their lack.)

But, the Proverbs 31 woman did work. Did have her own business. Her own money. And she respected her husband, it is very possible – to do both. And secure men, will be okay with this.

I don’t want selective Bible verse abuse, as I have seen – I want to know all of God’s Word, is needed, not the parts I find fit with my earthly views/needs. Continue reading


Proof that children can thrive & learn respect & healthy behaviour WITHOUT physical discipline.

spanking-is-never-ok

As a women who was abused by her parents and family – I am very aware of the affect that parenting can have on a child.

Having PTSD, means parenting is harder, as children’s noise and busyness and constant attention needs, are huge stressors to the PTSD mind.

I worry a lot about this. I get really upset sometimes worrying that I am not a good enough mother.

I do NOT agree with physical discipline to children and I believe it to be CHILD ABUSE, including spanking and neuroscience is now showing that spanking affects a child’s growing brain development.

I definitely believe that hitting a child/teenager with a belt, paddle, slipper etc is CHILD ABUSE and this has been confirmed by a highly regarded Christian doctor/counsellor.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-me-in-we/201202/how-spanking-harms-the-brain

My 2 boys have both had their school reports within the last few weeks and they are really good – with the behaviour and effort part and comments about them, being really good.

I don’t focus on just the achievement, because whilst that is relatively important, it is the effort and behaviour that is about their heart and soul. I would rather see a C for achievement and an A or B for effort – which means they have tried hard. Than see a C for achievement and a C for effort. Which means they could have tried harder and got a B or A for achievement.

Both my boys got nearly all B’s and a few A’s for effort and behaviour and mostly C’s and B’s for achievement, with a few A’s. So they are obviously functioning and thriving in school. Continue reading