Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Not Surprised A Member Of The Narcissist Ministers’s Baptist Church – Has Reached Out To Me For Help

Recently a church member – where the abusive narcissist minister resides – reached out to me – as their church is now “fractured”.

Sadly, it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. A fractured church is exactly what a narcissist minister will have. There will never be peace, or anything healthy – when a narcissist is in charge.

The person who reached out wanted to know what I endured and how those affected can heal.

I wrote back, explaining narcissism, how it’s not treatable, they do not change, it’s all about his ego, he doesn’t know God, his ego and character disturbed issues are his god. I also explained he would need to be ousted – for that church to heal.

In the past – I prayed for discerning people at that church – to work him out. It seems my prayers were answered. I will continue to pray for their wisdom and discernment on how to proceed. It’s not my responsibility any more. I did all I could to stop people getting hurt.

The Baptists church failed to deal with it appropriately and they have now allowed more people to get hurt. That’s on them, and the narcissist minister.

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Yes, Narcissists Are In Love With Themselves; The Delusional Beliefs About Themselves ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Having unfortunately dealt with a lot of toxic people in my life, I have come to realise that narcissists are indeed in love with themselves – but they are in love with a delusional beliefs about themselves.

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The self delusion – is lies.

Narcissists whole lives are built on lies and deceit. And this starts with the lies they choose to believe about themselves.

And they will do anything to protect those delusions. If anyone challenges these delusions, they will react really badly and defensively.

They will hurt people even more, and have no empathy, no conscience, no remorse. Continue reading


The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys Are Everywhere ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Something I have learned in life, is toxic people are everywhere. And their flying monkeys are everywhere too.

Flying monkeys are people who support toxic people. They encourage and condone the toxic persons behaviour. They make excuses for toxic people. Or they ignore the toxic persons bad behaviours and choose to only see what they want to believe is good behaviour. (The ‘good’ behaviour still only being the toxic persons self serving behaviour, as they don’t do anything good – unless it is serving themselves in some way).

Flying monkeys can be family members, friends, church people, co-workers, therapists.

You would think therapists would know better, but they can indeed be flying monkeys when they have a self serving vested interest in condoning the toxic persons behaviour.

Throughout my life, I have seen so many toxic people being supported by flying monkeys.

Both of my husbands, have family who are flying monkeys. They choose to ignore the bad their adult children choose to inflict, and ‘only see the good’. Making excuses for the toxic behaviour and not making their adult children accountable for their bad behaviour. This following on from their poor parenting in the toxic persons childhood. I see clearly how poor parenting – has lead to the child becoming an adult narcissist.

I’ve seen flying monkeys within families, workplaces, groups of friends, churches, therapists rooms. It goes on everywhere.

I’ve seen it happen many times over social media. People who I discerned being toxic, have their flying monkeys who condone the toxic persons behaviour – as long as there is some self serving need being met. They will stay connected to the toxic person – for as long as the toxic person is promoting their work, books etc. Continue reading


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How toxic people often deal with the abuse they inflict ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Sadly, these are also some of the attitudes of survivors of abuse too. They choose to minimize or invalidate their own trauma and other people’s trauma, to cope. And they then demand other people do the same. They can also make excuses for the abuser – to make it all feel better. Or they will demand that ‘forgiveness’ is necessary and shame other survivors, or demand ‘forgive and forget’ is the way to deal with it. They will also use phrases such as ‘let it go, move on’.

All unhealthy attitudes, that do not aid healing. So, I do advise people ignore such unhealthy attitudes. Continue reading


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Thankful to be able to understand spiritual abuse & help other survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am not thankful for all the abuse I have endured in my life….. I don’t thank abusers for the harm they inflict. I don’t do all that shallow rationalising that I somehow ‘needed’ to be abused, to help others.

But, I am glad I am someone able to use all the trauma I have endured, to help others – through an understanding of lived experience.

Spiritual abuse is something I have endured. Grooming from a pastor, narcissistic abuse from him, his wife, the senior pastor and most of the flock, who sided with the abusers, as often happens.

Toxic churches handle abuse really badly. They re-traumatise the victims over and over. Too many toxic churches and toxic church people victim blame, victim shame, and protect the abusers. It goes on a lot in the more conservative, fundamentalist churches.

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I know the pain and suffering this causes.

I have such compassion for people who have endured spiritual abuse, which is also emotional and psychological abuse.

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Spiritual abuse is severe abuse and greatly impacts people’s lives. Continue reading


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How can people abuse others & have no remorse, shame or guilt? Because they are ‘disturbed characters’ – as per an expert.

To those us of who have a conscience and feel bad about anything even minor we do that has hurt someone….. we wonder….. how can someone be so intentionally abusive, cause so much prolonged harm and suffering, and not feel bad about themselves or feel guilt about their actions???

As per Dr George Simon – an expert in toxic people…. it is because they have a disturbed character and do not have a conscience, and do not feel remorse, shame or guilt.

And despite what many will say…… there is in fact a healthy amount of shame and guilt felt by people with a healthy character, when they have done something wrong that hurts someone.

As I read more articles by Dr George Simon, I am validated in my understanding of toxic people and their lack of conscience. But, with the insight that they do know what they do is wrong, and they make choices to cause harm.

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/10/10/shame-and-guilt/

This is also explained in the book my Dr Robert Hare (world expert in psychopathy/sociopathy) named ‘Without Conscience’.

https://www.amazon.com/Without-Conscience-Disturbing-World-Psychopaths/dp/1572304510

And it’s worth noting, most psychopaths are not serial killers or serial rapists. They are often undetected, living amongst us – unknown to be a ‘disturbed character’ unless you know how to detect them, due to their lack of empathy, conscience, guilt, remorse. And they can fake these – so it takes considerable awareness to detect them. Even Dr Robert Hare admits to being manipulated by them.

My insight – that toxic people will keep causing harm, unless they choose to feel remorse, choose to develop shame and guilt… is also validated in Dr George Simon’s work.

When someone is rewarded by their own toxic behaviours, and they feel no shame, no guilt and no remorse, they will likely continue these toxic, abusive behaviours. Which I have known and seen, all my life. Continue reading


Book Recommendation – Healing From Hidden Abuse ~ Shannon Thomas

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A book I highly recommend, due to the amazing author – Shannon Thomas – LCSW.

Shannon has considerable insight into psychological abuse, from a professional and survivor point of view.

And it is always the survivors – who in my opinion – have the most insight into abuse and abusers.

This book also expresses the abuse found with churches and church people – something I am very aware of having endured.

Shannon is a Christian, as am I, so there is that added layer of spiritual abuse and religious abuse, I know is needed to be discussed far more.

I am really looking forward to reading it and giving a review.

This book is available for pre-order now and to buy late August on

Amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470438802&sr=1-2

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Breaking A Child’s Spirit – Is Not Of Jesus

It bothers me greatly, how too many churches and church people, are deluded to believe hurting children and ‘breaking their spirit’ – is love, or needed, or healthy, or Jesus like.

I’ve seen a toxic, unhealthy, spiritually abusive church in action. I was abused there, and know I am not alone in this.

The ‘in-house’ parenting courses, run by elders and authorised by the abusive ministers, encourage parents to hit their children, from being babies onwards….. increasing in harshness and pain level – to belting older children and teenagers.

Sadly, this is all too common in right wing, conservative type churches.

I discussed this at length today in counselling, after hearing of more abusive practises, that sadly don’t surprise me, but disgust me.

These toxic people, choose to starve their children for more than 24 hours, to ‘break their spirit’. It was confirmed in counselling, this is 100% child abuse. As is the belting and hitting children.

These abusive practises, also combine with women being subservient to their husbands. I’ve heard these people state beliefs, like a woman should always offer herself every day, for sex. Or she is failing as a wife. Women are encouraged not to work and to do all their husbands demand. They are required to ask permission to spend money and many other subservient attitudes.

Interestingly, these people, used the toxic resources of the now disgraced Mark Driscoll, who resigned before he was sacked…. for abuse, plagiarism, trolling social media under a fake name and more.  His attitudes are abusive…. so this church I once attended, loved these abusive resources, promoted by an abusive pastor.

They also believe all those not Baptised, not following these abusive beliefs, are going to be thrown by God into a big pit of fire, to burn for eternity. More Bible verses, they choose not to know the real interpretation and context of.

God is not the abusive, narcissistic psychopath – they portray him as. But, they choose to see God as that…….. so they can act like narcissistic psychopaths, themselves.

It paints a very dark, gruesome picture of abuse, on many levels.

And I have had all of this confirmed as abuse, by other wise Christian people

My heart breaks for all the children affected by these toxic, abusive people. To know they are continually in fear and being harmed and told this is ‘love’ is horrendous. To know Continue reading


Wow, it’s amazing how God uses my blog…

It amazes me, how this always happens. Just when I start doubting what I am doing, and whether to continue…….. something happens, to show me just how much God wants me to continue.

I don’t intend saying much, as what has been shared with me, is confidential. But, what I will say, is I am so thankful my blog, what I have endured, my courage to write my abusive experiences out…. as this has helped someone being spiritually abused, by the same people as I have been abused by.

To know God was also helping someone – to guide church people away from a cult-like church, and to then guide this person to my blog, to help clarify this persons experience… is truly amazing.

I have always said, it is not about numbers. It about quality. helping people in a truly meaningful way… matters.

God will always use what was meant for evil, for good, if we are willing.

I don’t deserve to have been abused, spiritually…. and I am not thankful it happened.  Because that would be thanking evil.

I don’t rationalise abuse. I don’t put some positive spin on it. No-one ever deserves to be abused. God does not ever want anyone abused.

But, God will use this to help others. Continue reading