Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Faith as small as a mustard seed, is all that is needed…

(Blogs about my faith journey, are purely part of my own personal journey, and not intended to be a push of my faith to others in any way).

I went to church this morning. I haven’t been for a few weeks. I am struggling in my personal faith journey.

It was very interesting, as the sermon was all about struggling with faith. How faith as tiny as a mustard seed, and clinging on by your finger nails, is okay. Especially when you are someone who has so many questions, as is suffering through terrible issues.

It could not have been a more appropriate sermon, for me right now. And I realise this sermon was not only needed for me to hear, it was for all there who are struggling.

The sermon was delivered in a way, that it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to have questions and to not understand what’s going on. In fact, it was said that the more questions you have, the greater your faith journey is.

Which was to good to hear….. because a mindless sheep I am not. I do have questions. Hard questions. Painful questions. I do have  hurt. And yet knowing this, I had a sense of peace come over me, that it is okay to feel this way. It was like God wanted me to know He hears my struggle, and it’s okay. Continue reading


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Book Recommendation – Healing From Hidden Abuse ~ Shannon Thomas

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A book I highly recommend, due to the amazing author – Shannon Thomas – LCSW.

Shannon has considerable insight into psychological abuse, from a professional and survivor point of view.

And it is always the survivors – who in my opinion – have the most insight into abuse and abusers.

This book also expresses the abuse found with churches and church people – something I am very aware of having endured.

Shannon is a Christian, as am I, so there is that added layer of spiritual abuse and religious abuse, I know is needed to be discussed far more.

I am really looking forward to reading it and giving a review.

This book is available for pre-order now and to buy late August on

Amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470438802&sr=1-2

Continue reading


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I need to work on my ‘approach’ with people…

I’m what some would say ‘a straight talker’. Verbally, I say things quite bluntly – how they are.

People often don’t respond to ‘blunt’. They need a softly softly approach. And that’s the verbal communication style, I need to learn.

I emailed my counsellor today, to let her know I realise the following phrase, whilst true, about church people’s lack of keeping children safe , enabling predators, and absolute lack of wisdom…. is not gonna get church people to listen…

“You think you are full of grace, mercy and compassion…… but really you are just full of shit”.

I did have a giggle to myself. Because I can see how many church people would react to that!

When I know I need to work on something….. I do.

But, after a really shit weekend, it was good to have a giggle.

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When not ‘fitting in’, is a really wise place to be.

The church as a whole, has a long history of acting abusively, inappropriately, lying, being devious, dealing with issues in house and failing to protect children. I’m not ignoring this, like so many choose.

I’ve come to realise today…….. I cannot and should not, put my trust in an institution with this background, knowing these issues continue on and so many church people make excuses and justify, rationalize and basically are very unsafe and dangerous people to be around.

So, I’m not even going to try. I’m not going to even entertain the possibility of trusting any of them.

The church I go to, has the children’s ministry – where I can see them at all times. The toilets are single toilets, so no predators can be hanging out in the toilets.

So as long as we are in these areas, where I can monitor and see my children at all times, ‘I’ know they are safe.

I don’t have to talk to any of them. I don’t have to socialise with them. Just turn up at the time the service starts, leave when the service ends. And that’s it.

I don’t trust the minister will be truthful, so why even bother asking her anything.

I don’t trust my church going counsellor is truthful with me about these issues, so why bother even trying. The church she goes to doesn’t even allow female elders. That’s how disordered and right wing they are. There’s red flags, right there.

Trust is a huge issue to me. And why would I bother assuming I can trust people, who have a deep history of such unwise, opinions & actions, dishonesty, dealing with things in-house and in secret……and abuse so many people – children, LGBTIQ, women?

I don’t have to trust any of them. I just have to trust me. And trust my capacity to keep my children safe. And I will keep them safe. Because, I am a real mother, who cares more about protecting my children, than being a mindless sheep, in a church going along with the hierarchy, just to fit in. Continue reading


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An example of severe spiritual abuse – to a child rape survivor.

This is the type of toxic beliefs, church people can have.

This is evil, at work.

God does NOT want children to be abused and raped. He does NOT want survivors to be thankful for it. That would make God an evil, child sex offender.

If that is what any church person believes God is……. then they are actually worshipping Satan. And Satan can disguise himself as Jesus. For those who are inclined towards evil…. Satan can get his hooks in. But, the responsibility for allowing evil to lead them, is still with the person….because we all have free will.

It is my belief, many churches, are in fact not led by Jesus, at all. But, by the opposite.

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Church people take note…

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I am considering sending this to every church in the area where I live.

Of course, most will ignore it.

But, at least I would have tried.

I’m aware many church people will say ‘but they’ve paid their duty (prison) and they’ve been forgiven by God’ etc…

But, the fact is, most paedophiles and child sex offenders CANNOT be ‘cured’. They do not respond to rehabilitation programs.

So knowing this – it is disgusting, to allow these predators into churches – knowingly putting children at risk.

Most parents would never knowingly take their children to any other place where paedophiles and child offenders are attending. So why is a church any different?

Church is not meant to be an unsafe place, where children are at greater risk of being sexually abused.

All offenders, should be offered pastoral advice, care etc, away from normal church services. Not allowed into the general services. For all the church people, who immaturely believe I am being ‘judgmental’ and not showing enough ‘grace, mercy etc’…. you are wrong. I am not condemning child sex offenders, I don’t want them to burn in hell, I’m not suggesting they should not receive spiritual guidance and be supported in their journey.

I am simply saying, they should not be around children. That is empathy for children – who are vulnerable and don’t have a voice. And children who are let down by church people, who all too often encourage child abuse and fail to protect them. You only have to see the Royal Commission into child sexual abuse – to see how much abuse goes on. And still goes on.

I’m adding to this – I am so thankful this poster was so well received, on Twitter, including by mental health professionals. Thank God there are discerning people out there, who understand how wrong it is, to welcome known predators, to be vulnerable children.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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