Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Praise God – for more real Christians, writing about child abuse, victim blaming/shaming & shame shifting.

I am always so relieved and thankful when I see Christians, writing the truth…. about the continual victim blaming, victim shaming and shame shifting, that goes on in way too many churches.

Praise God, for the truth coming into the light!

I could have written this part myself. Exactly the same understanding, I have.

“The adult claims the child wanted it—or the child deserved it—or the child masterminded it—or the child needed it—or the child was sinful. Abusers constantly are trying to shift blame for abuse onto the victims they abused.

And society in general is more than willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt. After all, we live in patriarchal times and men are the most common abusers. So we justify the abuse, or we excuse it, or we come up with reasons for why it was not the abuser’s fault, or we decide it was a mutual decision.

Then we repeat these stories and justifications and excuses and rationales over and over again, until even a self-contradictory biblical narrative is interpreted by churches and Christians in favor of the abuser for centuries.”

The Lot of the Abused: How We Shift the Blame Onto Victims

 

 

 


Meeting up to chat with the church minister.

I currently attend a church, purely because I want my children to grow up with faith, and only because the church has the children’s ministry – right where I can see them.

I don’t trust church people. I don’t trust at all, they will deal with predators appropriately. I don’t trust they will not shame and harm abuse survivors. And I have very warranted distrust, due to not only all I have seen, endured and witnessed myself. But, also due to amount of other people harmed by church people.

Since attending this church, I have been very low key. I watch, observe, process, and I am vigilant, about every aspect. I’ve already noted some red flags, and I am still observing, whilst knowing my children are safe.

The female minister of the church, has invited me to coffee. Which is very kind of her. I can tell, she knows I have ‘something’ occurring in my life.

So, now I have the dilemma, of how much do I tell her, about what is happening in my life, What has happened in my past? The spiritual abuse I’ve already endured? The book I will be writing about church abuse?

I don’t need to tell her much at all. I’m aware I need to only reveal a little, and then discern how she deals with that.

I know how to build trust slowly now.

I know how to have boundaries, and not reveal all.

I’m aware of building any relationship slowly.

My counsellor has advised me, not to trust this minister, until I know her a lot better. My  counsellor is a Christian, her husband is a church elder etc. She knows the ‘church issues’ that go on.

In fact, it was my counsellor that helped me to change my vocabulary from saying ‘so called Christians’…… to ‘church people’. Which is how I describe all church goers now. Many are not Christians. Many churches, are in fact cults. I’ve endured a cult, that is deluded to believe they are a church. I’ve endured narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopathic church people, pretending to be church pastors, pastors wives, elders etc.

So, I will be building up any relationship I have with these church people, very slowly, very cautiously and very carefully.

I am hopeful, this church is a fairly healthy one. I would like it to be a healthy church. But, I am prepared, for Continue reading


Sad how church people, cannot ‘hear’ another viewpoint.

I was following a very popular Anglican Church FB page.

The subject of gay marriage, the upcoming plebiscite (costing half a billion dollars), how the LGBTIQ community, are being harmed, was raised.

I posted my views, and of course, got jumped on and shot down. Immediately.

Church people, really can be the most disordered, black and white, harmful people of all.

I give up.

Churches, are for sheep, who follow Continue reading


So glad to see parents, who really love their children

I’m a Christian. One who also believes being gay, is not sin. So, I don’t fit in with most church people. But, I am totally okay with my Biblical understanding, empathy and awareness of how much shame, abuse and damage church people continually feel entitled to inflict.

gay parents

And for those who claim being gay in a sin……. ‘what if you are wrong?’.

What if your Biblical interpretation, and lack of knowing context, means you are wrong?

Then try to have some empathy, about how the LGBTIQ community feel, being told Continue reading


How is wasting half a billion dollars, Christ-like?

There is a bizarre situation occurring here in Australia. Many are demanding a plebiscite to have their say on gay marriage/marriage equality. Because they don’t want it made legal. So, in order to ‘have their say’, they want to waste half a billion dollars.

Gay marriage will be a reality. It’s going to happen. Whether you like it or not. Whether you agree with it or not.

So wasting half a billion dollars, just to delay the inevitable, is what many want.

Ummm…. wasn’t Jesus all about helping the poor, the marginalised, the ignored, the abused etc ????

The Jesus I know, would want that money used to help the homeless, help domestic violence survivors, help those with mental health issues, help track and stop abusive people like paedophiles grooming children on line, to help prevent more child sexual abuse..etc.

Aren’t these the kinds of people and huge issues, we should be spending half a billion dollars on? Aren’t they the poor, the marginalised, the abused, the ignored, the suffering?

Do people really want to waste half a billion dollars, trying to stop people from proving their love and devotion to each other in marriage…… rather than help people who are suffering? Clearly the suffering, are not their priority. Continue reading


Even the Bible speaks of people failing child abuse survivors.

I just read this, on Unfundamentalist Parenting.

Tearing the Robe Twice: Christian Parenting and the Rape of Tamar


Tamar was wearing a long robe with many colors. The king’s virgin daughters wore robes like this. Tamar tore her robe of many colors and put ashes on her head. Then she put her hand on her head and began crying. Then Tamar’s brother Absalom said to her, “Have you been with your brother Amnon? Did he hurt you? Now, calm down sister. Amnon is your brother, so we will take care of this. Don’t let it upset you too much.” So Tamar did not say anything. She quietly went to live at Absalom’s house. King David heard the news and became very angry, but he did not want to say anything to upset Amnon, because he loved him since he was his firstborn son. Absalom began to hate Amnon. Absalom did not say one word, good or bad, to Amnon, but he hated him because Amnon had raped his sister Tamar.

~ 2 Samuel 13:18

As a child and survivor advocate, I find Tamar’s story to be one of the most haunting in the Bible. Along with the murder of Abel and the rape of Dinah, Tamar’s abuse shows how parents and leaders have failed to properly understand and respond to child abuse since the beginning of time.

Their actions have amplified the damage instead of fostered healing. It was Amnon who first caused Tamar to tear her robe in grief. Yet her father David and her brother Absalom cause a second tearing of the robe, by forcing Tamar into further silence and shame. Absalom later goes on a murderous rampage against Amnon, but Tamar — her story, her injustice, even her very existence — vanish from the text, as absent from future biblical narratives as they are from most sermons and pulpits today.


It shows how people have been failing child abuse survivors, forever. And it still goes on. Particularly with church people. Continue reading