Check out the above link, which takes you to slideshows of posters/memes I have created, to help spread awareness, compassion and understanding. Continue reading
A post to my page. I have endured this my entire life.
Toxic people like to re-direct the focus – away from their chosen decisions to abuse – to the reaction of the victim.
It’s a form of manipulation, that enables the toxic abuser – to avoid focussing on their actions, to avoid taking accountability or responsibility for their chosen abusive behaviours.
When they re-direct focus to e.g. the victims anger – they can claim the victim is the one in the wrong. The victim is the one with the issues. The victim is the problem.
See how they shift the focus and shame – from themselves – to the victim? It happens a lot. It is very common with toxic people.
They can say things like ‘why are you so angry’ – ‘no one can talk to you when you get like this’, ‘look at you – you’re crazy’.
The focus is shifted – and the focus becomes about the anger/resentment/emotional distress – the victim is feeling.
The anger/ emotions/ distress etc the victim has ‘every right’ to feel…….. because being angry/ emotional/ distressed- at being abused – is a NORMAL and rational response to being treated badly and to being abused.
Something I have learned in life, is toxic people are everywhere. And their flying monkeys are everywhere too.
Flying monkeys are people who support toxic people. They encourage and condone the toxic persons behaviour. They make excuses for toxic people. Or they ignore the toxic persons bad behaviours and choose to only see what they want to believe is good behaviour. (The ‘good’ behaviour still only being the toxic persons self serving behaviour, as they don’t do anything good – unless it is serving themselves in some way).
Flying monkeys can be family members, friends, church people, co-workers, therapists.
You would think therapists would know better, but they can indeed be flying monkeys when they have a self serving vested interest in condoning the toxic persons behaviour.
Throughout my life, I have seen so many toxic people being supported by flying monkeys.
Both of my husbands, have family who are flying monkeys. They choose to ignore the bad their adult children choose to inflict, and ‘only see the good’. Making excuses for the toxic behaviour and not making their adult children accountable for their bad behaviour. This following on from their poor parenting in the toxic persons childhood. I see clearly how poor parenting – has lead to the child becoming an adult narcissist.
I’ve seen flying monkeys within families, workplaces, groups of friends, churches, therapists rooms. It goes on everywhere.
I’ve seen it happen many times over social media. People who I discerned being toxic, have their flying monkeys who condone the toxic persons behaviour – as long as there is some self serving need being met. They will stay connected to the toxic person – for as long as the toxic person is promoting their work, books etc. Continue reading
My former counsellor was there through all the abuse I endured from the Baptist cult. She even confirmed in writing that I was spiritually abused – for the formal investigation. Not that it made any difference, the investigation was totally corrupt. As a lot of ‘church’ in-house investigations are.
I just went through a hugely triggering situation. Someone posted the business page of the best friend of the pastor who abused me….. onto my personal Facebook account. Which sent my PTSD mind into a complete panic. It’s when things like this happen you know you still very much have PTSD.
The triggers, the anxiety, the panic, the fear, the thoughts, the emotions, the invasive memories.
PTSD sucks. It really does.
In this state of panic and fear, I immediately wanted to talk to my counsellor. She was my ‘support’ over the last 5 years. She would probably minimize the situation and not really care how distressing this was for me, but she was all I had to talk to when all the church abuse and investigation were going on. And all I had over the years since then.
It’s really sad, when I reflect about all her minimizing about that cult abuse. She never validated how horrible that all was.
It interesting reflecting on how little empathy she had, how she minimized a lot of things – unless I pushed her to confront how bad something is.
I can’t make up my mind whether she is just so desensitised about abuse and heinous abusers………. or truly lacks empathy……… plus only has completely self serving views to do her job………. or whether it is a combination of all of them. Continue reading
It should also be noted – right wing, fundamentalist churches – are a perfect place for narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths to hide out and be welcomed. And this is why there will always be a number of them in every church where abuse is condoned.
These churches are more cult-like – than church-like and they specialise in oppressing victims of abuse and encouraging, protecting and worshipping abusers.
And this is across all denominations and is far more common within all denominations, than is generally known. But more common within right wing, fundamentalist, conservative churches. It is not just the Catholic Church.
Any church where they encourage hitting children – is abusive.
Any church that suggests the victim was in some way to blame – is abusive.
Any church where they do not hold abusers fully accountable for their actions – is abusive.
Any church where they keep abusers in ministry – is abusive.
Any church where women are oppressed, not allowed to preach, not allowed to work etc – is abusive.
Any church where LGBTIQ people are not welcome – or told this is ‘sinful’ – is abusive. Continue reading