Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My Lilly Hope Lucario Facebook Account :)

I am posting on my Lilly Hope Lucario Facebook account 

This is for posts that are not necessarily appropriate for my Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD page….. but are still thoughts I want to share.

So, I added the ‘follow’ facility and people are following that account, and more can, if they would like.

I don’t have comments activated, as I am trying to limit my time monitoring social media, rather than increase it.

But, people can share the posts, if they would like.


~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Thankful to be able to understand spiritual abuse & help other survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am not thankful for all the abuse I have endured in my life….. I don’t thank abusers for the harm they inflict. I don’t do all that shallow rationalising that I somehow ‘needed’ to be abused, to help others.

But, I am glad I am someone able to use all the trauma I have endured, to help others – through an understanding of lived experience.

Spiritual abuse is something I have endured. Grooming from a pastor, narcissistic abuse from him, his wife, the senior pastor and most of the flock, who sided with the abusers, as often happens.

Toxic churches handle abuse really badly. They re-traumatise the victims over and over. Too many toxic churches and toxic church people victim blame, victim shame, and protect the abusers. It goes on a lot in the more conservative, fundamentalist churches.


I know the pain and suffering this causes.

I have such compassion for people who have endured spiritual abuse, which is also emotional and psychological abuse.


Spiritual abuse is severe abuse and greatly impacts people’s lives. Continue reading


16 year old rape victim, told by Baptist Church – to apologise to the rapists wife.

Pastor Rapes Teen And Church Demands She Apologize to Her Rapist’s Wife

From the article…

An Ohio church has demanded that a 16-year-old rape victim apologize to her attacker’s wife, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

Columbia Baptist Church, based out of North Olstead, has forbidden the family of an unnamed teenager from attending their services until she apologizes to the wife of youth pastor Brian Mitchell, 31, for being raped by her husband.

The girl said that she had come to the church looking for spiritual guidance, and that she looked up to Mitchell, whom she saw as a mentor. Mitchell started sending her increasingly frequent text messages, eventually complaining to her about his wife and their marital problems.

Mitchell then sexually abused her on at least two separate occasions.

“I did not give him permission,” the girl wrote in a letter which was read at Mitchell’s hearing. “I clearly said ‘no, I didn’t want to.’ I felt like he tricked me.”

It is not uncommon for victims of abuse by church people, to be treated appallingly. Especially by the more right wing, fundamentalist churches.

It is disgusting and abhorrent to treat a rape victim in this way.

To further abuse her by expecting her to apologise to the rapists wife…….. is abhorrent.

It is emotional and spiritual abuse.

And sadly, far too many churches, support victim blaming and shame shifting and choose to treat the victim badly and ostracise them, and protect the abuser.

I’m aware of how many child sexual abuse victims, are blamed for the sexual abuse, by suggesting the victim manipulated the ‘poor adult’ into abusing them. I’ve seen many times, the victim described as being the one who groomed the adult and then treated like they are the perpetrator and the rapist is treated like the victim. It is shame and blame shifting as it’s worst.

This is exactly what the head minister and son of the paedophile predator at the Hillsong Church, did to the victims of child sexual abuse. The victims were blamed for ‘enticing the adult’. Continue reading

Discrimination is wrong & causes trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


I really hate discrimination shown and hate projected at the LGBTIQ community and people of colour. It has never made sense to me, how someone being e.g. gay or transgender and/or e.g. black -makes them ‘bad people’. It is totally irrational. Yet there is much hate shown. And it causes a lot of trauma – which is not okay.

Being gay or transgender, or black etc, does not mean someone is a bad person.

My abusers (and there are multiple) – were all white, heterosexual, educated people – who would not have received any discrimination. Yet they were highly abusive, toxic people.

This taught me much about what makes a person bad…. and what doesn’t.

And interestingly, each abuser shows discrimination in some form to others. My step father was racist. The psychopath was racist and hated gay people. The church minister shows hate to the LGBTIQ community – under the guise of ‘religious beliefs’ aka twisting the Bible to show hatred. All this shows to me is their toxic personality disordered issues common in sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths, that is linked to racism, discrimination and abusive behaviours. Continue reading


I no longer feel anger. Just a lot of sadness & grieving ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Over the last year, I have been feeling and processing the needed emotions of anger, disgust, repulsion etc, about the abusers who intentionally caused much harm and suffering.

I did not want to go through these painful emotions. I don’t like feeling anger. It doesn’t feel safe, to feel angry. No doubt because I was never allowed to be angry, in any of the abusive situations. Any time I showed anything like anger, I was abused further. Which is typical of abusive, toxic people.

Over the last 4 years, anytime anger started to be felt, I pushed it away. I didn’t allow myself to feel it.

But, it got to the point where I had no choice but to feel these painful emotions. Plus, I had read enough about abuse and trauma, to know anger is appropriate and needed. And it was some time of that sinking in and reading that over and over, before I could allow myself these intense emotions needed.

So, I started processing the real anger and disgust required as part of healing and grieving. It was not easy. I truly did not like it. I struggled to express it in counselling. I became defensive and struggled to see that my counsellor was okay with me feeling angry. Those shame issues of feeling like I am a bad person for being angry and feeling disgust for those who abuse me. Those deep shame issues, that I should not have had to feel, but I still have. I felt like my counsellor would think less of me, if I was angry. But, that was not the case.

Now, after several weeks of noticing I no longer feel angry, I am seeing maybe this time of needed anger, is mostly processed. I don’t think I will never be angry again. I’m sure I will, as the grieving process continues on a long time. And grieving includes anger. But, I feel like these emotions will be short lived and I will be able to manage them appropriately.

It is much progress for me to be able to monitor my own emotions and see them clearly, allow them to occur, and then reflect on the change in my emotions.

I feel a lot of sadness. Sadness for me, my sisters and all the toxic people involved. I’m not in any way excusing them, or justifying their abusive actions in any way. I know they all made choices and they all intended to hurt me. And that was so painful to deal with.

But, I truly wish every person had a different life. A good life. With good thoughts. Good needs. Good relationships. Healthy lives. And they didn’t. They chose the opposite.

I also realise no-one with a healthy mind, would choose to be a toxic person, who enjoys abuse. No-one would choose to harm people, make them suffer, lie to them and lie about them. Cause further trauma and suffering in their denial and scapegoating behaviours.

No-one healthy, would choose any of that.

So, I realise I am feeling deep sadness, for all concerned.

This is not a stage of healing I will be shouting from the rooftops. Because it takes a lot of processing and grieving, to get to this stage. And demanding other people be at this stage, is wrong, hurtful and very invalidating of where many people are at. And I am okay with people being wherever they are at. Continue reading

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‘Unburdening’ – is a far more appropriate term, than forgiveness ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


For an excellent and empathic article written by a trauma therapist – who uses the term ‘unburdening’….. see this link



Thrilled to have a personal acknowledgement in another book!

Feeling very honoured and thrilled, to be personally acknowledged as ….

“A shining example of an empowered survivor,

who’s advocacy work and educating others

is admirable”…

In Shannon Thomas’ book and have my Website listed as one of four website resources!

Shannon’s amazing book is available though pre-ordering  @ https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470438802&sr=1-2

Thank you so much Shannon of Southlake Christian Counseling !

I am so thankful for your work and all you are doing to help so many survivors of abuse.

You are a true blessing to many!

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Book Recommendation – Healing From Hidden Abuse ~ Shannon Thomas

shannon thomas book

A book I highly recommend, due to the amazing author – Shannon Thomas – LCSW.

Shannon has considerable insight into psychological abuse, from a professional and survivor point of view.

And it is always the survivors – who in my opinion – have the most insight into abuse and abusers.

This book also expresses the abuse found with churches and church people – something I am very aware of having endured.

Shannon is a Christian, as am I, so there is that added layer of spiritual abuse and religious abuse, I know is needed to be discussed far more.

I am really looking forward to reading it and giving a review.

This book is available for pre-order now and to buy late August on

Amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470438802&sr=1-2

Continue reading