Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Thankful to be able to understand spiritual abuse & help other survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am not thankful for all the abuse I have endured in my life….. I don’t thank abusers for the harm they inflict. I don’t do all that shallow rationalising that I somehow ‘needed’ to be abused, to help others.

But, I am glad I am someone able to use all the trauma I have endured, to help others – through an understanding of lived experience.

Spiritual abuse is something I have endured. Grooming from a pastor, narcissistic abuse from him, his wife, the senior pastor and most of the flock, who sided with the abusers, as often happens.

Toxic churches handle abuse really badly. They re-traumatise the victims over and over. Too many toxic churches and toxic church people victim blame, victim shame, and protect the abusers. It goes on a lot in the more conservative, fundamentalist churches.

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I know the pain and suffering this causes.

I have such compassion for people who have endured spiritual abuse, which is also emotional and psychological abuse.

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Spiritual abuse is severe abuse and greatly impacts people’s lives. Continue reading


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16 year old rape victim, told by Baptist Church – to apologise to the rapists wife.

Pastor Rapes Teen And Church Demands She Apologize to Her Rapist’s Wife

From the article…


An Ohio church has demanded that a 16-year-old rape victim apologize to her attacker’s wife, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

Columbia Baptist Church, based out of North Olstead, has forbidden the family of an unnamed teenager from attending their services until she apologizes to the wife of youth pastor Brian Mitchell, 31, for being raped by her husband.

The girl said that she had come to the church looking for spiritual guidance, and that she looked up to Mitchell, whom she saw as a mentor. Mitchell started sending her increasingly frequent text messages, eventually complaining to her about his wife and their marital problems.

Mitchell then sexually abused her on at least two separate occasions.

“I did not give him permission,” the girl wrote in a letter which was read at Mitchell’s hearing. “I clearly said ‘no, I didn’t want to.’ I felt like he tricked me.”


It is not uncommon for victims of abuse by church people, to be treated appallingly. Especially by the more right wing, fundamentalist churches.

It is disgusting and abhorrent to treat a rape victim in this way.

To further abuse her by expecting her to apologise to the rapists wife…….. is abhorrent.

It is emotional and spiritual abuse.

And sadly, far too many churches, support victim blaming and shame shifting and choose to treat the victim badly and ostracise them, and protect the abuser.

I’m aware of how many child sexual abuse victims, are blamed for the sexual abuse, by suggesting the victim manipulated the ‘poor adult’ into abusing them. I’ve seen many times, the victim described as being the one who groomed the adult and then treated like they are the perpetrator and the rapist is treated like the victim. It is shame and blame shifting as it’s worst.

This is exactly what the head minister and son of the paedophile predator at the Hillsong Church, did to the victims of child sexual abuse. The victims were blamed for ‘enticing the adult’. Continue reading


Book Recommendation – Healing From Hidden Abuse ~ Shannon Thomas

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A book I highly recommend, due to the amazing author – Shannon Thomas – LCSW.

Shannon has considerable insight into psychological abuse, from a professional and survivor point of view.

And it is always the survivors – who in my opinion – have the most insight into abuse and abusers.

This book also expresses the abuse found with churches and church people – something I am very aware of having endured.

Shannon is a Christian, as am I, so there is that added layer of spiritual abuse and religious abuse, I know is needed to be discussed far more.

I am really looking forward to reading it and giving a review.

This book is available for pre-order now and to buy late August on

Amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470438802&sr=1-2

Continue reading


Wow, it’s amazing how God uses my blog…

It amazes me, how this always happens. Just when I start doubting what I am doing, and whether to continue…….. something happens, to show me just how much God wants me to continue.

I don’t intend saying much, as what has been shared with me, is confidential. But, what I will say, is I am so thankful my blog, what I have endured, my courage to write my abusive experiences out…. as this has helped someone being spiritually abused, by the same people as I have been abused by.

To know God was also helping someone – to guide church people away from a cult-like church, and to then guide this person to my blog, to help clarify this persons experience… is truly amazing.

I have always said, it is not about numbers. It about quality. helping people in a truly meaningful way… matters.

God will always use what was meant for evil, for good, if we are willing.

I don’t deserve to have been abused, spiritually…. and I am not thankful it happened.  Because that would be thanking evil.

I don’t rationalise abuse. I don’t put some positive spin on it. No-one ever deserves to be abused. God does not ever want anyone abused.

But, God will use this to help others. Continue reading


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I need to work on my ‘approach’ with people…

I’m what some would say ‘a straight talker’. Verbally, I say things quite bluntly – how they are.

People often don’t respond to ‘blunt’. They need a softly softly approach. And that’s the verbal communication style, I need to learn.

I emailed my counsellor today, to let her know I realise the following phrase, whilst true, about church people’s lack of keeping children safe , enabling predators, and absolute lack of wisdom…. is not gonna get church people to listen…

“You think you are full of grace, mercy and compassion…… but really you are just full of shit”.

I did have a giggle to myself. Because I can see how many church people would react to that!

When I know I need to work on something….. I do.

But, after a really shit weekend, it was good to have a giggle.

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Thank you God, for Christians who ‘get it’ & ‘get’ me.

Shannon Thomas, a very insightful Christian counsellor, is one of few Christians I have connected with – who ‘gets it’, when it comes to church people and abuse. And how badly church people manage dangerous people.

Shannon sent this reply, which I am SO deeply grateful for.

Praise God, for her heart and soul. I feel less like I am alone in this spiritual battle, when I connect with Christian souls like Shannon.

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Shannon also re-tweeted my post (see below) about how vile it is, that child sex offenders, are welcomed into churches. Continue reading


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When not ‘fitting in’, is a really wise place to be.

The church as a whole, has a long history of acting abusively, inappropriately, lying, being devious, dealing with issues in house and failing to protect children. I’m not ignoring this, like so many choose.

I’ve come to realise today…….. I cannot and should not, put my trust in an institution with this background, knowing these issues continue on and so many church people make excuses and justify, rationalize and basically are very unsafe and dangerous people to be around.

So, I’m not even going to try. I’m not going to even entertain the possibility of trusting any of them.

The church I go to, has the children’s ministry – where I can see them at all times. The toilets are single toilets, so no predators can be hanging out in the toilets.

So as long as we are in these areas, where I can monitor and see my children at all times, ‘I’ know they are safe.

I don’t have to talk to any of them. I don’t have to socialise with them. Just turn up at the time the service starts, leave when the service ends. And that’s it.

I don’t trust the minister will be truthful, so why even bother asking her anything.

I don’t trust my church going counsellor is truthful with me about these issues, so why bother even trying. The church she goes to doesn’t even allow female elders. That’s how disordered and right wing they are. There’s red flags, right there.

Trust is a huge issue to me. And why would I bother assuming I can trust people, who have a deep history of such unwise, opinions & actions, dishonesty, dealing with things in-house and in secret……and abuse so many people – children, LGBTIQ, women?

I don’t have to trust any of them. I just have to trust me. And trust my capacity to keep my children safe. And I will keep them safe. Because, I am a real mother, who cares more about protecting my children, than being a mindless sheep, in a church going along with the hierarchy, just to fit in. Continue reading


Tears for all those abused by ‘conversion therapy’.

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Just when I think it can’t get any worse about spiritual/religious abuse….. I hear about conversion therapy. And cults, who use rape and torture, to ‘convert’ people.

This is evil at work. Sick, heinous, vile people, using God as their excuse for abusing people, in such sick, perverted ways.

As a brave courageous survivor, let me know what he endured, I cried. The level of suffering is beyond imaginable. I sobbed.

I have to write my second book. I have to get the first one finished and published, so I can write the second one.

I will include a section on cults and churches that really are cults.

And I will include a section on conversion therapy, as well as the abuse the LGBTIQ community endure from religious people.

I wish I could do more. I know I can’t. I know it’s not my responsibility to. But, Continue reading


It will be a case of ‘three stikes and you’re out’.

As I have blogged many times, I don’t trust church people to deal with sex offenders, paedophiles appropriately. The church as a whole, has very dire history, of dealing with predators, inappropriately. And it still continues.

My view, is sex offenders, rapists, child sexual abuse perpetrators, paedophiles, should not be allowed into churches. Or any place where there are children, who can be targeted by predators, who often have little impulse control and are often opportunistic.

My view, is one not agreed with by many church people. Ridiculous attitudes like ‘we are all sinners’, ‘we are all broken people’, ‘we need to show them grace and mercy’, ‘he says he’s remorseful and won’t do it again’, ‘he’s forgiven by God’ etc…. are ways in which predators know they will be welcomed, protected, and as a result enabled, to act out their sick, dark needs. And they use this to their full advantage.

Why wouldn’t predators use churches for their full advantage, when they know it a is place where they are very likely to be able to have easy access, to children and if caught, not dealt with appropriately, and instead enabled?

Church, is not meant to be a

safe haven for predators,

to be protected and enabled.

And any church person who believes it should be, shows toxic, unhealthy and dangerous beliefs and potentially, is an abuser themselves.

Church people all to often, don’t learn by previous mistakes. Sure, they half heartedly say they have adopted ‘child protection protocols’, but I’ve seen attitudes to this and often it is because they ‘have to’, not because they ‘want to’.

I’ve seen attitudes, where they do not believe ‘child safety checks’ should ‘have’ to be conducted for all involved in child ministries. I’ve seen attitudes, where they say they will not contact the police (despite the law stating they must), if a child says they have been abused in some way. They want to continue dealing with it in-house, no police, kept hush hush, kept a secret and basically the abuser protected, enabled and free to continue abusing children.

I do not believe for a second, this is what Jesus wants. Children sexually abused, and paedophiles protected? And shame and blame the victims? That is not the attitude of the Jesus, I know.

I also know that anyone,

who knowingly takes their children,

to places where predators are welcomed,

then they are failing as parents,

and SHAME ON THEM.

These unwise and dangerous attitudes regarding abuse and abusers, are why Continue reading


Praise God – for more real Christians, writing about child abuse, victim blaming/shaming & shame shifting.

I am always so relieved and thankful when I see Christians, writing the truth…. about the continual victim blaming, victim shaming and shame shifting, that goes on in way too many churches.

Praise God, for the truth coming into the light!

I could have written this part myself. Exactly the same understanding, I have.

“The adult claims the child wanted it—or the child deserved it—or the child masterminded it—or the child needed it—or the child was sinful. Abusers constantly are trying to shift blame for abuse onto the victims they abused.

And society in general is more than willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt. After all, we live in patriarchal times and men are the most common abusers. So we justify the abuse, or we excuse it, or we come up with reasons for why it was not the abuser’s fault, or we decide it was a mutual decision.

Then we repeat these stories and justifications and excuses and rationales over and over again, until even a self-contradictory biblical narrative is interpreted by churches and Christians in favor of the abuser for centuries.”

The Lot of the Abused: How We Shift the Blame Onto Victims