Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Stop ‘Normalising’ Paedophilia – It Makes You As Sick & Heinous As They Are ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

If I read one more article written by so called mental health professionals calling paedophilia a ‘sexual orientation – no different to being gay’…….. I think I will scream.

The LGBTIQ community should be very pissed off at having their sexual orientation compared to child sex offenders and paedophiles vile ‘needs’.

There is a HUGE difference.

The LGBTIQ community are participating in consensual sex between grown ADULTS.

Paedophiles and child sex offenders – are abusing CHILDREN and BABIES. Which is sick and heinous. And not at all normal, in any way.

And it is NOT consensual, or remotely okay.

evil

Paedophilia is evil.

It is evil at work.

It is evil in action.

Stop ‘normalising’ evil.

It makes you as

heinous as they are.

And I don’t care who disagrees with me.

Normalising sick and heinous behaviours – is also sick and heinous.

And I will call anyone out on this,……….because it is never okay to normalise abuse and sick heinous thoughts, needs or behaviours – that cause the victims so much harm.

Calling paedophilia a sexual orientation is deplorable.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Continue reading


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16 year old rape victim, told by Baptist Church – to apologise to the rapists wife.

Pastor Rapes Teen And Church Demands She Apologize to Her Rapist’s Wife

From the article…


An Ohio church has demanded that a 16-year-old rape victim apologize to her attacker’s wife, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

Columbia Baptist Church, based out of North Olstead, has forbidden the family of an unnamed teenager from attending their services until she apologizes to the wife of youth pastor Brian Mitchell, 31, for being raped by her husband.

The girl said that she had come to the church looking for spiritual guidance, and that she looked up to Mitchell, whom she saw as a mentor. Mitchell started sending her increasingly frequent text messages, eventually complaining to her about his wife and their marital problems.

Mitchell then sexually abused her on at least two separate occasions.

“I did not give him permission,” the girl wrote in a letter which was read at Mitchell’s hearing. “I clearly said ‘no, I didn’t want to.’ I felt like he tricked me.”


It is not uncommon for victims of abuse by church people, to be treated appallingly. Especially by the more right wing, fundamentalist churches.

It is disgusting and abhorrent to treat a rape victim in this way.

To further abuse her by expecting her to apologise to the rapists wife…….. is abhorrent.

It is emotional and spiritual abuse.

And sadly, far too many churches, support victim blaming and shame shifting and choose to treat the victim badly and ostracise them, and protect the abuser.

I’m aware of how many child sexual abuse victims, are blamed for the sexual abuse, by suggesting the victim manipulated the ‘poor adult’ into abusing them. I’ve seen many times, the victim described as being the one who groomed the adult and then treated like they are the perpetrator and the rapist is treated like the victim. It is shame and blame shifting as it’s worst.

This is exactly what the head minister and son of the paedophile predator at the Hillsong Church, did to the victims of child sexual abuse. The victims were blamed for ‘enticing the adult’. Continue reading


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I need to work on my ‘approach’ with people…

I’m what some would say ‘a straight talker’. Verbally, I say things quite bluntly – how they are.

People often don’t respond to ‘blunt’. They need a softly softly approach. And that’s the verbal communication style, I need to learn.

I emailed my counsellor today, to let her know I realise the following phrase, whilst true, about church people’s lack of keeping children safe , enabling predators, and absolute lack of wisdom…. is not gonna get church people to listen…

“You think you are full of grace, mercy and compassion…… but really you are just full of shit”.

I did have a giggle to myself. Because I can see how many church people would react to that!

When I know I need to work on something….. I do.

But, after a really shit weekend, it was good to have a giggle.

giggle gif.gif

 


Thank you God, for Christians who ‘get it’ & ‘get’ me.

Shannon Thomas, a very insightful Christian counsellor, is one of few Christians I have connected with – who ‘gets it’, when it comes to church people and abuse. And how badly church people manage dangerous people.

Shannon sent this reply, which I am SO deeply grateful for.

Praise God, for her heart and soul. I feel less like I am alone in this spiritual battle, when I connect with Christian souls like Shannon.

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Shannon also re-tweeted my post (see below) about how vile it is, that child sex offenders, are welcomed into churches. Continue reading


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When not ‘fitting in’, is a really wise place to be.

The church as a whole, has a long history of acting abusively, inappropriately, lying, being devious, dealing with issues in house and failing to protect children. I’m not ignoring this, like so many choose.

I’ve come to realise today…….. I cannot and should not, put my trust in an institution with this background, knowing these issues continue on and so many church people make excuses and justify, rationalize and basically are very unsafe and dangerous people to be around.

So, I’m not even going to try. I’m not going to even entertain the possibility of trusting any of them.

The church I go to, has the children’s ministry – where I can see them at all times. The toilets are single toilets, so no predators can be hanging out in the toilets.

So as long as we are in these areas, where I can monitor and see my children at all times, ‘I’ know they are safe.

I don’t have to talk to any of them. I don’t have to socialise with them. Just turn up at the time the service starts, leave when the service ends. And that’s it.

I don’t trust the minister will be truthful, so why even bother asking her anything.

I don’t trust my church going counsellor is truthful with me about these issues, so why bother even trying. The church she goes to doesn’t even allow female elders. That’s how disordered and right wing they are. There’s red flags, right there.

Trust is a huge issue to me. And why would I bother assuming I can trust people, who have a deep history of such unwise, opinions & actions, dishonesty, dealing with things in-house and in secret……and abuse so many people – children, LGBTIQ, women?

I don’t have to trust any of them. I just have to trust me. And trust my capacity to keep my children safe. And I will keep them safe. Because, I am a real mother, who cares more about protecting my children, than being a mindless sheep, in a church going along with the hierarchy, just to fit in. Continue reading


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An example of severe spiritual abuse – to a child rape survivor.

This is the type of toxic beliefs, church people can have.

This is evil, at work.

God does NOT want children to be abused and raped. He does NOT want survivors to be thankful for it. That would make God an evil, child sex offender.

If that is what any church person believes God is……. then they are actually worshipping Satan. And Satan can disguise himself as Jesus. For those who are inclined towards evil…. Satan can get his hooks in. But, the responsibility for allowing evil to lead them, is still with the person….because we all have free will.

It is my belief, many churches, are in fact not led by Jesus, at all. But, by the opposite.

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Church people take note…

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I am considering sending this to every church in the area where I live.

Of course, most will ignore it.

But, at least I would have tried.

I’m aware many church people will say ‘but they’ve paid their duty (prison) and they’ve been forgiven by God’ etc…

But, the fact is, most paedophiles and child sex offenders CANNOT be ‘cured’. They do not respond to rehabilitation programs.

So knowing this – it is disgusting, to allow these predators into churches – knowingly putting children at risk.

Most parents would never knowingly take their children to any other place where paedophiles and child offenders are attending. So why is a church any different?

Church is not meant to be an unsafe place, where children are at greater risk of being sexually abused.

All offenders, should be offered pastoral advice, care etc, away from normal church services. Not allowed into the general services. For all the church people, who immaturely believe I am being ‘judgmental’ and not showing enough ‘grace, mercy etc’…. you are wrong. I am not condemning child sex offenders, I don’t want them to burn in hell, I’m not suggesting they should not receive spiritual guidance and be supported in their journey.

I am simply saying, they should not be around children. That is empathy for children – who are vulnerable and don’t have a voice. And children who are let down by church people, who all too often encourage child abuse and fail to protect them. You only have to see the Royal Commission into child sexual abuse – to see how much abuse goes on. And still goes on.

I’m adding to this – I am so thankful this poster was so well received, on Twitter, including by mental health professionals. Thank God there are discerning people out there, who understand how wrong it is, to welcome known predators, to be vulnerable children.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Proof, that churches are still allowing known predators in.

This fucking disgusts me.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/anglican-church-investigates-brisbane-parish-over-paedophile-readings-20160504-gomduw.html

This shows they not only allow known predators in, they have still been allowing them to preach. So, whilst the argument is about whether they can be in ministry/leadership roles….. does not matter – it is the fact that they are allowed into churches AT ALL.

I’m done with church people, and churches. Shame on them, for allowing this. And shame on every parent who takes their children, to toxic environments – where predators are welcomed.

I will not put my children at risk, around these people, who are pretty much complicit in the sexual abuse of children by allowing these opportunistic, predatory, pathological lying child sex offenders, into their churches.

I am DONE, with church people.

 


It will be a case of ‘three stikes and you’re out’.

As I have blogged many times, I don’t trust church people to deal with sex offenders, paedophiles appropriately. The church as a whole, has very dire history, of dealing with predators, inappropriately. And it still continues.

My view, is sex offenders, rapists, child sexual abuse perpetrators, paedophiles, should not be allowed into churches. Or any place where there are children, who can be targeted by predators, who often have little impulse control and are often opportunistic.

My view, is one not agreed with by many church people. Ridiculous attitudes like ‘we are all sinners’, ‘we are all broken people’, ‘we need to show them grace and mercy’, ‘he says he’s remorseful and won’t do it again’, ‘he’s forgiven by God’ etc…. are ways in which predators know they will be welcomed, protected, and as a result enabled, to act out their sick, dark needs. And they use this to their full advantage.

Why wouldn’t predators use churches for their full advantage, when they know it a is place where they are very likely to be able to have easy access, to children and if caught, not dealt with appropriately, and instead enabled?

Church, is not meant to be a

safe haven for predators,

to be protected and enabled.

And any church person who believes it should be, shows toxic, unhealthy and dangerous beliefs and potentially, is an abuser themselves.

Church people all to often, don’t learn by previous mistakes. Sure, they half heartedly say they have adopted ‘child protection protocols’, but I’ve seen attitudes to this and often it is because they ‘have to’, not because they ‘want to’.

I’ve seen attitudes, where they do not believe ‘child safety checks’ should ‘have’ to be conducted for all involved in child ministries. I’ve seen attitudes, where they say they will not contact the police (despite the law stating they must), if a child says they have been abused in some way. They want to continue dealing with it in-house, no police, kept hush hush, kept a secret and basically the abuser protected, enabled and free to continue abusing children.

I do not believe for a second, this is what Jesus wants. Children sexually abused, and paedophiles protected? And shame and blame the victims? That is not the attitude of the Jesus, I know.

I also know that anyone,

who knowingly takes their children,

to places where predators are welcomed,

then they are failing as parents,

and SHAME ON THEM.

These unwise and dangerous attitudes regarding abuse and abusers, are why Continue reading


Praise God – for more real Christians, writing about child abuse, victim blaming/shaming & shame shifting.

I am always so relieved and thankful when I see Christians, writing the truth…. about the continual victim blaming, victim shaming and shame shifting, that goes on in way too many churches.

Praise God, for the truth coming into the light!

I could have written this part myself. Exactly the same understanding, I have.

“The adult claims the child wanted it—or the child deserved it—or the child masterminded it—or the child needed it—or the child was sinful. Abusers constantly are trying to shift blame for abuse onto the victims they abused.

And society in general is more than willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt. After all, we live in patriarchal times and men are the most common abusers. So we justify the abuse, or we excuse it, or we come up with reasons for why it was not the abuser’s fault, or we decide it was a mutual decision.

Then we repeat these stories and justifications and excuses and rationales over and over again, until even a self-contradictory biblical narrative is interpreted by churches and Christians in favor of the abuser for centuries.”

The Lot of the Abused: How We Shift the Blame Onto Victims