Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Thankful to be able to understand spiritual abuse & help other survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am not thankful for all the abuse I have endured in my life….. I don’t thank abusers for the harm they inflict. I don’t do all that shallow rationalising that I somehow ‘needed’ to be abused, to help others.

But, I am glad I am someone able to use all the trauma I have endured, to help others – through an understanding of lived experience.

Spiritual abuse is something I have endured. Grooming from a pastor, narcissistic abuse from him, his wife, the senior pastor and most of the flock, who sided with the abusers, as often happens.

Toxic churches handle abuse really badly. They re-traumatise the victims over and over. Too many toxic churches and toxic church people victim blame, victim shame, and protect the abusers. It goes on a lot in the more conservative, fundamentalist churches.

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I know the pain and suffering this causes.

I have such compassion for people who have endured spiritual abuse, which is also emotional and psychological abuse.

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Spiritual abuse is severe abuse and greatly impacts people’s lives. Continue reading


Book Recommendation – Healing From Hidden Abuse ~ Shannon Thomas

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A book I highly recommend, due to the amazing author – Shannon Thomas – LCSW.

Shannon has considerable insight into psychological abuse, from a professional and survivor point of view.

And it is always the survivors – who in my opinion – have the most insight into abuse and abusers.

This book also expresses the abuse found with churches and church people – something I am very aware of having endured.

Shannon is a Christian, as am I, so there is that added layer of spiritual abuse and religious abuse, I know is needed to be discussed far more.

I am really looking forward to reading it and giving a review.

This book is available for pre-order now and to buy late August on

Amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1470438802&sr=1-2

Continue reading


Wow, it’s amazing how God uses my blog…

It amazes me, how this always happens. Just when I start doubting what I am doing, and whether to continue…….. something happens, to show me just how much God wants me to continue.

I don’t intend saying much, as what has been shared with me, is confidential. But, what I will say, is I am so thankful my blog, what I have endured, my courage to write my abusive experiences out…. as this has helped someone being spiritually abused, by the same people as I have been abused by.

To know God was also helping someone – to guide church people away from a cult-like church, and to then guide this person to my blog, to help clarify this persons experience… is truly amazing.

I have always said, it is not about numbers. It about quality. helping people in a truly meaningful way… matters.

God will always use what was meant for evil, for good, if we are willing.

I don’t deserve to have been abused, spiritually…. and I am not thankful it happened.  Because that would be thanking evil.

I don’t rationalise abuse. I don’t put some positive spin on it. No-one ever deserves to be abused. God does not ever want anyone abused.

But, God will use this to help others. Continue reading


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I need to work on my ‘approach’ with people…

I’m what some would say ‘a straight talker’. Verbally, I say things quite bluntly – how they are.

People often don’t respond to ‘blunt’. They need a softly softly approach. And that’s the verbal communication style, I need to learn.

I emailed my counsellor today, to let her know I realise the following phrase, whilst true, about church people’s lack of keeping children safe , enabling predators, and absolute lack of wisdom…. is not gonna get church people to listen…

“You think you are full of grace, mercy and compassion…… but really you are just full of shit”.

I did have a giggle to myself. Because I can see how many church people would react to that!

When I know I need to work on something….. I do.

But, after a really shit weekend, it was good to have a giggle.

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Thank you God, for Christians who ‘get it’ & ‘get’ me.

Shannon Thomas, a very insightful Christian counsellor, is one of few Christians I have connected with – who ‘gets it’, when it comes to church people and abuse. And how badly church people manage dangerous people.

Shannon sent this reply, which I am SO deeply grateful for.

Praise God, for her heart and soul. I feel less like I am alone in this spiritual battle, when I connect with Christian souls like Shannon.

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Shannon also re-tweeted my post (see below) about how vile it is, that child sex offenders, are welcomed into churches. Continue reading


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I must remember churches are full of wolves in sheeps clothing & stage 3 immaturity.

My levels of frustration about church people, is due to my understanding that many of them, are not in fact Christians, and many are very immature in the faith journey. And knowing the harm they cause, as a result.

And whilst I have awareness of where they are at…….. I am also aware, they choose not to see anything further, than stage 3 thinking and beliefs.

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I’ve been identified, by my first Christian counsellor, as being at stage 5. Those at stage 3, will believe people such as myself, as being ‘backsliders’. Because they refuse to see anything more than what they want to believe.

This spiritual maturity, runs parallel to emotional growth and maturity. I see this with most people, who resent, resist and repel, anything and anyone, they do not personally understand.

And interestingly, many ministers and church leaders, keep the ‘flock’ at stage 3…. because it’s easier to control. They don’t encourage questioning….. they just want mindless sheep.

My frustration, is not so much that they are immature, but for the harm they cause to many, as a result. Which is not okay. People will immaturely state I am judgmental. Which I fully expect, from unwise, emotionally and spiritually immature people.

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Plus the very obvious issue – of ‘wolves in sheeps clothing’ and the ‘dogs’ that are attracted to churches, because church people so often fail to deal with such people in an inappropriate manner.

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But, I will not keep quiet, to placate people, who as a result of their choices, harm others.

That would be placating evil. I don’t do that.

http://www.psychologycharts.com/james-fowler-stages-of-faith.html Continue reading


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When not ‘fitting in’, is a really wise place to be.

The church as a whole, has a long history of acting abusively, inappropriately, lying, being devious, dealing with issues in house and failing to protect children. I’m not ignoring this, like so many choose.

I’ve come to realise today…….. I cannot and should not, put my trust in an institution with this background, knowing these issues continue on and so many church people make excuses and justify, rationalize and basically are very unsafe and dangerous people to be around.

So, I’m not even going to try. I’m not going to even entertain the possibility of trusting any of them.

The church I go to, has the children’s ministry – where I can see them at all times. The toilets are single toilets, so no predators can be hanging out in the toilets.

So as long as we are in these areas, where I can monitor and see my children at all times, ‘I’ know they are safe.

I don’t have to talk to any of them. I don’t have to socialise with them. Just turn up at the time the service starts, leave when the service ends. And that’s it.

I don’t trust the minister will be truthful, so why even bother asking her anything.

I don’t trust my church going counsellor is truthful with me about these issues, so why bother even trying. The church she goes to doesn’t even allow female elders. That’s how disordered and right wing they are. There’s red flags, right there.

Trust is a huge issue to me. And why would I bother assuming I can trust people, who have a deep history of such unwise, opinions & actions, dishonesty, dealing with things in-house and in secret……and abuse so many people – children, LGBTIQ, women?

I don’t have to trust any of them. I just have to trust me. And trust my capacity to keep my children safe. And I will keep them safe. Because, I am a real mother, who cares more about protecting my children, than being a mindless sheep, in a church going along with the hierarchy, just to fit in. Continue reading


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An example of severe spiritual abuse – to a child rape survivor.

This is the type of toxic beliefs, church people can have.

This is evil, at work.

God does NOT want children to be abused and raped. He does NOT want survivors to be thankful for it. That would make God an evil, child sex offender.

If that is what any church person believes God is……. then they are actually worshipping Satan. And Satan can disguise himself as Jesus. For those who are inclined towards evil…. Satan can get his hooks in. But, the responsibility for allowing evil to lead them, is still with the person….because we all have free will.

It is my belief, many churches, are in fact not led by Jesus, at all. But, by the opposite.

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Church people take note…

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I am considering sending this to every church in the area where I live.

Of course, most will ignore it.

But, at least I would have tried.

I’m aware many church people will say ‘but they’ve paid their duty (prison) and they’ve been forgiven by God’ etc…

But, the fact is, most paedophiles and child sex offenders CANNOT be ‘cured’. They do not respond to rehabilitation programs.

So knowing this – it is disgusting, to allow these predators into churches – knowingly putting children at risk.

Most parents would never knowingly take their children to any other place where paedophiles and child offenders are attending. So why is a church any different?

Church is not meant to be an unsafe place, where children are at greater risk of being sexually abused.

All offenders, should be offered pastoral advice, care etc, away from normal church services. Not allowed into the general services. For all the church people, who immaturely believe I am being ‘judgmental’ and not showing enough ‘grace, mercy etc’…. you are wrong. I am not condemning child sex offenders, I don’t want them to burn in hell, I’m not suggesting they should not receive spiritual guidance and be supported in their journey.

I am simply saying, they should not be around children. That is empathy for children – who are vulnerable and don’t have a voice. And children who are let down by church people, who all too often encourage child abuse and fail to protect them. You only have to see the Royal Commission into child sexual abuse – to see how much abuse goes on. And still goes on.

I’m adding to this – I am so thankful this poster was so well received, on Twitter, including by mental health professionals. Thank God there are discerning people out there, who understand how wrong it is, to welcome known predators, to be vulnerable children.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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