Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Proof, that churches are still allowing known predators in.

This fucking disgusts me.


This shows they not only allow known predators in, they have still been allowing them to preach. So, whilst the argument is about whether they can be in ministry/leadership roles….. does not matter – it is the fact that they are allowed into churches AT ALL.

I’m done with church people, and churches. Shame on them, for allowing this. And shame on every parent who takes their children, to toxic environments – where predators are welcomed.

I will not put my children at risk, around these people, who are pretty much complicit in the sexual abuse of children by allowing these opportunistic, predatory, pathological lying child sex offenders, into their churches.

I am DONE, with church people.



When the first interaction from a religious person…. is about forgiveness. *sigh.

Religious people, can be very tunnel visioned, very black and white and very lacking in empathy, or understanding about trauma. They also often feel very compelled and entitled, to shame you, for not being a ‘good enough Christian’…. by shaming you about forgiveness, grace etc.

I have come to realise, if the first interaction on social media with a religious person, is about forgiveness, I know I am dealing with someone unhealthy.

So, I utilise the block facility on Twitter. I don’t entertain unhealthy, dysfunctional religious people anymore.

You cannot reason, with people who choose not to have rational, empathic or reasonable thinking.

If shaming people about forgiveness, is your thing….. you are not welcome in my life, in any way. You are not going to make my followers feel shamed, by toxic religious and spiritual abuse. Continue reading

It will be a case of ‘three stikes and you’re out’.

As I have blogged many times, I don’t trust church people to deal with sex offenders, paedophiles appropriately. The church as a whole, has very dire history, of dealing with predators, inappropriately. And it still continues.

My view, is sex offenders, rapists, child sexual abuse perpetrators, paedophiles, should not be allowed into churches. Or any place where there are children, who can be targeted by predators, who often have little impulse control and are often opportunistic.

My view, is one not agreed with by many church people. Ridiculous attitudes like ‘we are all sinners’, ‘we are all broken people’, ‘we need to show them grace and mercy’, ‘he says he’s remorseful and won’t do it again’, ‘he’s forgiven by God’ etc…. are ways in which predators know they will be welcomed, protected, and as a result enabled, to act out their sick, dark needs. And they use this to their full advantage.

Why wouldn’t predators use churches for their full advantage, when they know it a is place where they are very likely to be able to have easy access, to children and if caught, not dealt with appropriately, and instead enabled?

Church, is not meant to be a

safe haven for predators,

to be protected and enabled.

And any church person who believes it should be, shows toxic, unhealthy and dangerous beliefs and potentially, is an abuser themselves.

Church people all to often, don’t learn by previous mistakes. Sure, they half heartedly say they have adopted ‘child protection protocols’, but I’ve seen attitudes to this and often it is because they ‘have to’, not because they ‘want to’.

I’ve seen attitudes, where they do not believe ‘child safety checks’ should ‘have’ to be conducted for all involved in child ministries. I’ve seen attitudes, where they say they will not contact the police (despite the law stating they must), if a child says they have been abused in some way. They want to continue dealing with it in-house, no police, kept hush hush, kept a secret and basically the abuser protected, enabled and free to continue abusing children.

I do not believe for a second, this is what Jesus wants. Children sexually abused, and paedophiles protected? And shame and blame the victims? That is not the attitude of the Jesus, I know.

I also know that anyone,

who knowingly takes their children,

to places where predators are welcomed,

then they are failing as parents,


These unwise and dangerous attitudes regarding abuse and abusers, are why Continue reading

Meeting up to chat with the church minister.

I currently attend a church, purely because I want my children to grow up with faith, and only because the church has the children’s ministry – right where I can see them.

I don’t trust church people. I don’t trust at all, they will deal with predators appropriately. I don’t trust they will not shame and harm abuse survivors. And I have very warranted distrust, due to not only all I have seen, endured and witnessed myself. But, also due to amount of other people harmed by church people.

Since attending this church, I have been very low key. I watch, observe, process, and I am vigilant, about every aspect. I’ve already noted some red flags, and I am still observing, whilst knowing my children are safe.

The female minister of the church, has invited me to coffee. Which is very kind of her. I can tell, she knows I have ‘something’ occurring in my life.

So, now I have the dilemma, of how much do I tell her, about what is happening in my life, What has happened in my past? The spiritual abuse I’ve already endured? The book I will be writing about church abuse?

I don’t need to tell her much at all. I’m aware I need to only reveal a little, and then discern how she deals with that.

I know how to build trust slowly now.

I know how to have boundaries, and not reveal all.

I’m aware of building any relationship slowly.

My counsellor has advised me, not to trust this minister, until I know her a lot better. My  counsellor is a Christian, her husband is a church elder etc. She knows the ‘church issues’ that go on.

In fact, it was my counsellor that helped me to change my vocabulary from saying ‘so called Christians’…… to ‘church people’. Which is how I describe all church goers now. Many are not Christians. Many churches, are in fact cults. I’ve endured a cult, that is deluded to believe they are a church. I’ve endured narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopathic church people, pretending to be church pastors, pastors wives, elders etc.

So, I will be building up any relationship I have with these church people, very slowly, very cautiously and very carefully.

I am hopeful, this church is a fairly healthy one. I would like it to be a healthy church. But, I am prepared, for Continue reading

My second book, will be about church/church abuse.

I am hoping my first book, will be done and published this year. I’m working on it and about to commence working with an amazing author. He’s a Christian. And a real one. he has very similar beliefs as myself in areas we have both touched on, regarding church abuse.

I told my counsellor I want to write a book, about everything I have seen, witnessed, endured, and all I have read about other church abuse survivors endure.

My counsellor, said quite confidently, that she believes I will write this second book. She encourages me writing it.

I have a lot of content to put into this second book. I will write a little about it, in my first book, but leave most content about church abuse, for this second book.

It’s on my heart to write it. It won’t make me popular. But then, Jesus wasn’t popular. And Jesus I am not. But, I do have the courage to write about what I know is needed, regardless of how it will be received. If I know it’s needed…. I’ll do it. A blind sheep, I am not.

I have 12 chapters, already outlined, and I will be welcoming ideas, to add and Continue reading

So many church abuse survivors. It hurts my heart.

Through my work and online conversations, I have had the honour of speaking to many Christians. Sadly, though, many cannot attend church, due to the abusive and inappropriate attitudes, of too many church people. I understand this completely.

I went to church today. I haven’t been for several weeks. I’ve been avoiding hearing anything said about Cardinal Pell, the Royal Commission etc.

Sadly, despite avoiding that….. it was still to be a time, where I would hear gullible, non discerning people, not recognising red flags. The Pope offering his ‘gesture’ of taking two refugee families, was raised and labelled ‘so compassionate’. *sigh.

The Pope didn’t show any compassion to the paedophile priest survivors, and families of those who committed suicide, when he refused to grant them an audience – when they had all travelled to Rome, for the RC involving Cardinal Pell, and his clear enabling of paedophile priests.

It’s clear to me, the Pope, is a PR man. He has no compassion in his heart, because if he did, he would have that in abundance for those abused in the most heinous was – by in-house child sexual abuse, who were then further treated appallingly for decades. He showed he does not care at all. Even the man he appointed for the group meant to deal with this paedophilia in the Catholic Church, has since said, the Pope has no genuine intent to sort that issue out. He is a fake.

So, to sit and listen to the BS, that the Pope’s PR gesture, described as compassion, was so disappointing, triggering, emotive and made me just never want to return to a church again.

Church people, can be the most disordered, unwise, stupid, bizarre people of all. They don’t learn by all the many mistakes already made. They just keep repeating them. Continue reading

So glad to see parents, who really love their children

I’m a Christian. One who also believes being gay, is not sin. So, I don’t fit in with most church people. But, I am totally okay with my Biblical understanding, empathy and awareness of how much shame, abuse and damage church people continually feel entitled to inflict.

gay parents

And for those who claim being gay in a sin……. ‘what if you are wrong?’.

What if your Biblical interpretation, and lack of knowing context, means you are wrong?

Then try to have some empathy, about how the LGBTIQ community feel, being told Continue reading

The Catholic Church Secret Archive Of Paedophile Crime.


This paragraph says it all about the highly inappropriate, and highly ineffective manner in which child sexual abuse – by paedophile priests, is dealt with. It shows how their in-house handling and in-house ‘counselling’, is pathetic.

Discussing responses to complaints about Ridsdale, the bishop describes the paedophile as “an extraordinarily talented fellow” and “an excellent pastor”. Bishop Mulkearns argues he was not responsible for Ridsdale going on to abuse more children because he had referred Ridsdale to a counsellor who then authorised him to return to duties.

This isn’t confined to the Catholic Church., either. It occurs across all denominations, as the Royal Commission, has exposed. Continue reading

How is wasting half a billion dollars, Christ-like?

There is a bizarre situation occurring here in Australia. Many are demanding a plebiscite to have their say on gay marriage/marriage equality. Because they don’t want it made legal. So, in order to ‘have their say’, they want to waste half a billion dollars.

Gay marriage will be a reality. It’s going to happen. Whether you like it or not. Whether you agree with it or not.

So wasting half a billion dollars, just to delay the inevitable, is what many want.

Ummm…. wasn’t Jesus all about helping the poor, the marginalised, the ignored, the abused etc ????

The Jesus I know, would want that money used to help the homeless, help domestic violence survivors, help those with mental health issues, help track and stop abusive people like paedophiles grooming children on line, to help prevent more child sexual abuse..etc.

Aren’t these the kinds of people and huge issues, we should be spending half a billion dollars on? Aren’t they the poor, the marginalised, the abused, the ignored, the suffering?

Do people really want to waste half a billion dollars, trying to stop people from proving their love and devotion to each other in marriage…… rather than help people who are suffering? Clearly the suffering, are not their priority. Continue reading

The amount of spiritual abuse occurring, makes me so sad.

Due to being someone who is very open about all the different types of abuse, I have endured… many feel comfortable in telling me about their abuse.

This includes spiritual abuse. Which often also involves emotional and psychological abuse. And for many – sexual abuse and child sexual abuse. And physical abuse.

The added spiritual abuse, where God, Jesus and the Bible are all twisted and abused, as part of the abuse…. it is yet another added layer of trauma.

spiritual abuse 2

Many spiritually abusive people – feel very entitled to abuse, by using their twisted perception of religion, to aid and further their abusive needs. They use it to rationalise what they are doing.

To tell a victim of abuse, they are being treated the way they are because that’s what God wants, or that’s what it says in the Bible, is very abusive and traumatic. To call victims demonic or suggest anything similar, is abuse. It adds layers of shame. It makes a victim feel that even God wants this suffering they are enduring. It affects people’s own perception of faith.

I see people who have been abused by religious people, turn away from their faith. I’ve seen survivors deem all religious people as abusive. I’ve had my own struggles and issues with my faith, which has not been helped by being spiritually abused. So I understand.

But, I do know, this has nothing to do with God. Or the Bible.

It’s abusive people twisting God and the Bible, to rationalise in their own dark minds, why what they are doing is okay and needed. They feel vindicated by cherry picking Bible verses and interpreting them wrongly, to validate their own dark needs. They often choose mind control, as a way of abusing people. They tell victims God will be angry with them. They demand forgiveness and shame shift – if this does not occur as they demand it. And many more ways to harm people. I could write a whole book on this.

I see a lot of spiritual abuse. I’ve had many people tell me of their experiences. I’ve heard their views on it, and how deeply it has affected them. I hear the pain they are in. I see how the failure of other church people to believe and help them, further worsens their faith in God and pushes them further away from God.

spiritual abuse


I do also know God has much compassion and understanding for victims of any abuse, and spiritual abuse. He understands why people get pushed away from Himself. He knows why. He sees it all. Continue reading