Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Rationalising Child Abuse, Is Not Wisdom

I see a lot of excuses being made for people who abuse children. I see a lot of rationalising. Blaming others.

Cognitive distortions, such as minimizing, rationalising, blaming others, making excuses…. are done for many reasons.

One reason, is the abuse is easier to digest if it’s minimized.

Another is, it is easier to cope, if you make excuses for the abuser.

For some, it seems easier to cope, if you blame self.

Cognitive distortions and self blame, are easier to digest for many, than dealing with the raw, honest, devastating truth. For many it is an easier path, to avoid this at all costs.

But, whilst I understand why people find cognitive distortions easier, I also know they are not honesty and they do not lead to healing.

I know this, from personal experience. I spent a long time avoiding, supressing, minimizing, being too afraid to deal with the raw truth. I made a lot of excuses for my abusers and blamed myself too. So I have been there. And it made my life and health worse, long term. It certainly did not lead to healing.

only the truth.png

I encounter resistance (and some cognitive dissonance) when I write about the raw honest truth. Like in my last post. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2015/12/29/being-a-good-parent-or-bad-parent-is-a-choice/

Sometimes, child abuse survivors make excuses for their parents or relatives, or abusers, because it is easier to deal with. So will tell me I am wrong because I do not do the same. Anymore. I realise, they are just not at the point in their journey I am. They are where I was, several years back. Continue reading

People have a great capacity to ‘rationalise’ their own behaviours.

Rationalisation, is a cognitive distortion people use, to justify something with illogical reasoning.

As per DSM  – Rationalization occurs “when the individual deals with emotional conflict or internal or external stressors by concealing the true motivations for his or her own thoughts, actions, or feelings through the elaboration of reassuring or self serving but incorrect explanations.

This became very apparent during the conversation with an ex soldier, who wanted to rationalise himself having psychopath traits, and the capacity to switch off emotions during killing and harming people.

He needs to rationalise this as okay – to get the job done and also then rationalising this further, by saying ‘everyone’ has some of this in these ‘psycho traits’, as he calls it.

All completely wrong. I don’t have any capacity to switch off my emotions to cause harm to another human being. I have involuntary (I can’t choose it) dissociation to cope with harm being caused to me, but I don’t ever have the chosen capacity to remove emotions to cause harm. There is a huge difference. But to this ex-soldier, he ‘wants’ to believe these are the same.

Of course rationalisation, is always followed by cognitive dissonance – where you can show someone evidence that proves their thought process and the belief they are holding onto so tightly, is completely wrong, and they will still refuse to let go of their beliefs.

A lot of this is fear and shame based. Continue reading