Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Black & White Views About Abuse Don’t Help Anyone ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I see these distorted views all over social media, perpetuated by survivors of abuse and mental health professionals.

When I see this, I know I am dealing with….. a non insightful person, someone not willing to deal with honesty, or someone with an unhealthyΒ personal agenda.Β  Continue reading


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Why Black & White Thinking Is Harmful & Needs To Be Ignored ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I really am so over seeing how other people think we ‘must’ always be…

 

Examples…

~ Like we ‘must’ always be ‘so strong’ all the time. Other people’s idea of strong, is not always what is necessary in each individual situation. And if we don’t meet their expectations, that does not make us weaker.

~ Like we ‘must’ always speak up and expose abusers etc. That is not always safe or the right thing to do, as it could worsen our situation. In fact, speaking up can cause more harm, and must be approached carefully and with caution.

~ Like we ‘must’ always be strong warrior survivors…. when that simply shames people who are struggling – and there is NO shame in struggling. And if some people need to wear that identity of being a warrior, that is fine, but they don’t get to shame others in the process.

~ Like we ‘must’ always go no contact with toxic people…. which is not always the right choice in every situation. Boundaries are necessary, but no contact is not always appropriate.

~ Like we ‘must’ forgive otherwise we will not heal, which is untrue and can cause a lot of damage in the healing journey. Premature forgiveness, is harmful. And you can heal without forgiving heinous intentional abuse.

Please do not listen to other people’s demands of these ‘absolutes’, when their journey and their reality – is not yours. And nor should it be.

Black and white thinking – which is what this issue is – is poor cognitive processing and cognitively distorted thinking. And a lack of empathy. Which needs to be ignored.

We each have our own journey, our own needs and they will often be different to others.

There is no ‘perfect’ or ‘one’ way to survive trauma and deal with the consequences of it.

And please don’t allow anyone to shame you into believing you are weak, or in some way inferior, as a result of your different needs.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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People who rationalise abuse, as a gift…

I see people have all sorts of attitudes about abuse and often they are seeking to make the abuse somehow a ‘gift’.

Abuse is never a gift. Abuse is wrong, undeserved, and never excusable and should not be rationalised.

To suggest it is a gift – is to congratulate the abuser.

It is to suggest the victim, needed the abuse.

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It suggests the survivor had to be abused to ‘learn lessons’.

It really irritates me, when I see therapists, telling people that abuse was a gift. Rationalising it with BS like ‘your abusive mother showed you who not to be’.

Absolute rubbish and very unhealthy thinking.

Rationalising abuse is very distorted thinking and any therapists suggesting this is how abuse survivors should think, should not be therapists. Continue reading