Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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You Know You Are Healing From Complex Trauma – When You Don’t Internalise Toxic People’s Darkness ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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This toxic person – decided trolling a woman who has suffered so greatly, and then is grieving the death of her abusive mother – was the person to troll, abuse and harass. Which is a pretty disgusting thing for someone to do. But, that’s sadly how vile some people choose to be.

I always reflect on these situations – as to how I dealt with it and I am pleased with myself. I did not get remotely upset. I did not feel hurt or angry.

I just stepped back, looked at the actions of this toxic person, and placed the appropriate boundaries. I did not respond to her many emails. I did not react back. I’ve learned that toxic people don’t respond well to being told their actions are abusive.

And this is indeed – healing.

I no longer internalise toxic people’s darkness. That’s their shit to deal with. Continue reading


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A Cautionary Tale About ‘Healing’ Abuse, Child Abuse, Complex Trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I see people who have similar attitudes to the one I had throughout my 20’s and 30’s. I believed I was so strong. I wonder if these people who sound so like myself before, are actually traveling the same path I was…

Suppressing it all, because it was so terrible and painful.

Until I could not suppress it any longer. And my brain and body began to break down.

‘That’ was when I began to heal.

What may look like someone is being ‘so strong, a ‘warrior survivor’, and the ‘poster child’ for healing……….. may in fact not be doing what they need to do to heal, at all. Continue reading


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So Good To Be Able To Help Teenagers In Need Of Support & Care ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One of my 15 year old son’s friends, was recently chucked out of his home, by his abusive alcoholic parents. He is currently staying with another friends parents home, which I am so thankful for.

When I picked my son up today, I gave his friend a card, with a message inside saying we know he is going through tough times and we wanted him to know he is always welcome at our home too. I wrote our mobile numbers and said he could call us anytime. I also included $50 for him to use, because he left home with very little.

He told me he couldn’t accept the money, but I insisted and I could see he was getting emotional. It took every bit of strength in me to not cry. To know how this boy is feeling, the abandonment, the abuse and trauma he has already endured, has made me very emotional.

I also asked if he and the friend he is staying with, wanted to come with us to basketball at the police run centre we go to every Wednesday after school, and they seemed really keen on that. So that was good. I also said I would talk to the parents where he is staying, to see how we can help.

As I walked away, I could feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks.

I don’t know the issues going on in this boys parents home, but whatever his parents issues are, they have treated their son appallingly. And abusively. And that is not okay and not justified by their own issues with alcohol.

I want this boy to know there are people who care about him, and for him to know 2 families care about him, is important to a teen who has endured abuse. Especially when the abuse is your own parents. Your parents are meant to be the people who love you, cherish you and protect you the most. Abusive parents fail at this completely. That has deep effects on the child/teen and the adult they become.

Then we called into a fast food place, to get some ice-creams, and a girl I used to care for when she was a young teenager, was outside the fast food place, looking really unwell. She works there after university. I asked her if she was okay, and she said she was ill and had just been told to go home. So, I offered to give her a lift home and said to her she could phone me any time if stuck like that again. Her mum is a single mum, and has lots of problems associated with horrible divorces. When I used to care for this teenager girl and her siblings, she used to tell me all her problems and confide in me. She told my in-laws who were in the car, that I was the person who “helped her most when she was sad and I was like her therapist”. I nearly started crying again. It was clear I was an important part of her life, for the 4 years I cared for her after school and in the holidays. She gave me huge hugs when we got to her house. Continue reading


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Have I Already Cried Enough Tears, Grieved Enough About My Mother? ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I know my mothers death is affecting me more than it appears. I haven’t cried. I don’t feel angry. I don’t feel sad. I feel nothing.

But, I know it’s affecting me.

I’m on the internet and social media more than I was.

I’m blogging more than I was.

I’m exhausted and that’s getting worse each day.

I didn’t sleep well last night. Despite medication.

All signs that I am struggling. But, without the emotions to go with it.

I’m getting emotional about anything else upsetting.

Like my son’s friend who is 15, being homeless because his alcoholic abusive parents chucked him out this week. Which makes me very angry. Poor kid. Such abuse and abandonment. Fortunately he is staying indefinitely with another of their friends, who’s parents have so kindly taken him in. Which I am so grateful for And I’m going to talk to them tomorrow, to see how I can help. I have a card to give him too, with a message of how is welcome anytime at our place. If he needs anything, to let us know. And some money in the card. I just want him to know there are people who care about him and his wellbeing.

I’ve cried at how this teenager must be feeling. Several times.

I cried at the news about Manchester and the terrorism that claimed so many lives and traumatised many more.

I’ve cried about a story of animal cruelty I read.

But, I cannot cry about my mother. I wish I could and just get over with already. Continue reading


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My Speech For Young Doctors About Complex Trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Last week, my counsellor asked me to do a talk in front of 20 young doctors, which I agreed to do. The aim is to better educated doctors so they can better help their patients.

Then I heard the news that mother had died, and I wasn’t up to attending. My counsellor said my speech was read out, and apologies made for my absence.

I am glad that it could help, even though I was not able to personally attend.


I am a survivor of decades of severe complex trauma, which started at birth. My mother was highly abusive, as was my step father. I endured daily severe emotional, psychological and mental abuse. I was intentionally exploited to be sexually abused by my parents circle of paedophile and sex offender friends.

This has greatly impacted my life, in ways that are severe, yet normal for someone who has endured such abnormal life experiences. It did lead to suicide attempts in my teens, where health professionals were involved – but did not seek to find out what might be causing this. It was assumed that I was an attention seeking, dramatic teenager. And I still have ongoing suicide ideation, whenever struggling.

Complex trauma, is interpersonal trauma, within a captivity situation, where the victim has no perceived way to escape. I endured complex trauma throughout my entire childhood, and then into adulthood, as I endured further relationships, with unhealthy and toxic people. This is common after considerable child abuse.

Complex trauma is still a fairly new area of psychology, and whilst there is increasing knowledge about, it is still fairly unknown, even within the mental health field.

There is a lot of stigma related to being both an abuse survivor, and having a severe mental health diagnosis. Victim shaming and victim blaming, are huge issues throughout society and within the health profession industry. This does impact a survivor reaching out, as this stigma, victim shaming and ignorance re-traumatises survivors. Continue reading


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Drinking On A Wednesday ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

For some time now, I rarely drink alcohol. I used to rely on alcohol to cope, relax. But, I got that situation under control. I only drink maybe once a month. And then only on a weekend. And just 2 glasses of wine. I can’t remember the last time I drank more than 2 glasses.

But, today I have been craving wine.

And I guess with my mother dying, I’m allowed.

One glass is okay right……..?

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(Please note – I am not advocating for alcohol to be used to cope. I am simply grieving and just need to indulge myself this week). Continue reading


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Healing Is About Transformation Of Self, Not Putting On A Persona Or Identity ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Healing is about transformation of self.
That requires us to honesty look at ourselves, our thinking, our behaviours and see how trauma has affected us.
Healing is not about putting on some ‘strong warrior survivor’ identity or persona.
Healing is about getting really real with self, and what needs to change. And continually persisting in making the changes needed, to move towards a better life. With lots of self compassion and patience, along the way. Continue reading