Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Leave a comment

“The Success Of Your Blog Is Your Kindness, Compassion, Insight, Knowledge & Validation”

These are just a few of the comments I received when I posted about this Blog reaching 1.5 million views.

It has always been my motivation, to bring insight, empathy and validation to survivors. And to raise awareness and insight for those working with survivors, plus family & friends of survivors.

I am so thankful this is what I am achieving. It matters. It matters to me, that I am helping people in their healing journeys. And I am always so thankful to know, this is occurring. It is my greatest wish, that all survivors are healing. However long it takes.

~Lilly Hope Lucario

A few of the comments I received today.

Fullscreen capture 24042017 83507 AM Continue reading


1 Comment

This Blog Has Now Reached 1.5 Million Views

DSC_2707-045

I started this blog, to connect with other survivors of complex trauma, as so many of us feel so alone.
I did not realise this Blog would become so popular, especially because of the type of content – being child abuse, abuse, trauma and mental health.
But, my work, insight and writing – is supported by many, including professionals in the trauma/therapy field. And I am very thankful for that.
Thank you to all who support me and share my blogs, in helping spread more awareness, and increase compassion.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


2 Comments

We Need To Stop Shaming Severe Abuse Survivors, For Not Being ‘Strong Enough’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

DSC_2707-046

Throughout my work as an advocate for abuse survivors, I have seen a considerable amount of victim shaming, victim blaming and shame shifting. And I see the bigger picture of how much harm this causes.

Many abuse survivors are not ‘stronger’ after the abuse they have suffered. And for those who claim they are – that’s great, but it is very narcissistic to then look down on those who are struggling and mock, belittle and/or shame those who are deemed to not be ‘as strong’.

Many abuse survivors already feel considerable shame, due to the abuse they have suffered and when they are treated in this victim shaming way, that shame increases, and often leads to increased mental health issues, and can lead to suicide. When shamed for not being ‘strong enough’ – survivors can feel a burden, useless and weak. For those who have spiralled down to suicidal thoughts – this added shame can push them over the edge.

If you think about it – it doesn’t even make sense that every survivor of heinous, severe abuse – would be stronger as a result. Would anyone expect a person who has severe life impacting physical health issues, to be stronger? Of course not. Many abuse survivors have debilitating mental health issues, and many also endure physical health issues, which are life impacting and very difficult to manage. And that is not through any fault of the survivor, it is entirely the responsibility of the perpetrator(s) of the abuse.

It truly is a lack of empathy to insinuate any abuse survivor is ‘acting like a victim’ or ‘choosing to dwell in victimhood’ – when the fact is – no-one else knows the extent to which the abuse has affected the survivor. There are many factors that are beyond the survivors control, that affect coping and healing. And true empathy knows that.

Yet, I see these shaming terms perpetuated around social media and the internet. Far too many mental health professionals also choose to victim shame, and each one of those is blocked by me, as I will not tolerate it, condone it, or enable it.

As a highly insightful abuse survivor and therapist Pete Walker stated about complex trauma survivors….

For many such clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship. If we are not skilled enough to create the degree of safety they need to begin the long journey towards developing good enough trust, we may be their last.

Empathy is vital for severe abuse survivors, and shaming complex trauma survivors – creates considerable fear and a huge lack of safety. This causing the survivor to withdraw and possibly never reach out again for help. And the therapy offered, will require considerable effort to develop and maintain the degree of trust required for any therapeutic benefit. Shame should have no place in a complex trauma survivor’s therapy relationship.

See here for more info for therapists treating complex trauma. Continue reading


4 Comments

My Timespan Of Shutting Down Completely To Cope/Survive – Is Lessoning ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

As per my last post, I have been really struggling. Ongoing trauma issues in my life and a lack of support for that, can be really hard to deal with.

Childhood complex trauma survivors – have to unconsciously formulate coping strategies, that help them survive the ongoing abuse and trauma being endured. These ways of coping – continue on into adulthood.

tired woman 3

One of my coping ways from childhood which still occurs now – is ‘Freeze’. Which is said by Pete Walker – to be the trauma typology of dissociating. And is the hardest to treat and heal – of the four types of trauma responses of Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn.

See here for more info https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/about1

As per Pete Walker… The freeze response, also known as the camouflage response, often triggers the individual into hiding, isolating and eschewing human contact as much as possible. This type can be so frozen in retreat mode that it seems as if their starter button is stuck in the “off” position. It is usually the most profoundly abandoned child – “the lost child” – who is forced to “choose” and habituate to the freeze response (the most primitive of the 4Fs). Unable to successfully employ fight, flight or fawn responses, the freeze type’s defenses develop around classical dissociation, which allows him to disconnect from experiencing his abandonment pain, and protects him from risky social interactions – any of which might trigger feelings of being reabandoned.

I also have the trauma response of Fawn, which I have realised is something I display in my therapy relationship. Whenever threatened with any perceived threat of my counsellors withdrawal of support, or criticism of my efforts to deal with issues, or anything negative, I end up apologising – even when not appropriate/needed. It echoes my relationship with my mother…. I am hurt – but rather than face abandonment – I will do and say whatever I think she wants. Continue reading


11 Comments

I Give Up

For the last 5 years, I have been trying to stand up for myself, to explain how all the abuse I have endured throughout my entire life, has harmed me. And tried to stand up for my needs, implement boundaries and not allow people to walk all over me and harm me.

All this has brought me is more grief. More abuse. More harm.

So, I give up.

i give up

I’m just going to tell people what they want to hear and let them do whatever they want.

Just disconnect emotionally and get through the day as calm and detached as I can.

It’s the only way I can keep surviving, when I have no genuine support and no-one who cares about my wellbeing. All I have are people who victim blame/shame, tell me I am not good enough and everything I do is not good enough. And somehow always bring the issues about me being abused – back to somehow being my responsibility and shamed for my normal human responses to abuse.

I’ve been pushed too far now and I am too exhausted to do anything else, but give up. Continue reading


1 Comment

Dr. Marsha M. Linehan – Expert On Mental Illness Reveals Her Own Fight

From the article….

Marsha Linehan

The patient wanted to know, and her therapist — Marsha M. Linehan of the University of Washington, creator of a treatment used worldwide for severely suicidal people — had a ready answer. It was the one she always used to cut the question short, whether a patient asked it hopefully, accusingly or knowingly, having glimpsed the macramé of faded burns, cuts and welts on Dr. Linehan’s arms:

“You mean, have I suffered?”

“No, Marsha,” the patient replied, in an encounter last spring. “I mean one of us. Like us. Because if you were, it would give all of us so much hope.”

“That did it,” said Dr. Linehan, 68, who told her story in public for the first time last week before an audience of friends, family and doctors at the Institute of Living, the Hartford clinic where she was first treated for extreme social withdrawal at age 17. “So many people have begged me to come forward, and I just thought — well, I have to do this. I owe it to them. I cannot die a coward.” Continue reading