I often write posts on my Facebook Lilly Hope Lucario account and they are a significant part of my healing. So, I thought I would post them here, to maintain a record of them and share them further with others. Continue reading
I often write posts on my Facebook Lilly Hope Lucario account and they are a significant part of my healing. So, I thought I would post them here, to maintain a record of them and share them further with others. Continue reading →
From the article….
The patient wanted to know, and her therapist — Marsha M. Linehan of the University of Washington, creator of a treatment used worldwide for severely suicidal people — had a ready answer. It was the one she always used to cut the question short, whether a patient asked it hopefully, accusingly or knowingly, having glimpsed the macramé of faded burns, cuts and welts on Dr. Linehan’s arms:
“You mean, have I suffered?”
“No, Marsha,” the patient replied, in an encounter last spring. “I mean one of us. Like us. Because if you were, it would give all of us so much hope.”
“That did it,” said Dr. Linehan, 68, who told her story in public for the first time last week before an audience of friends, family and doctors at the Institute of Living, the Hartford clinic where she was first treated for extreme social withdrawal at age 17. “So many people have begged me to come forward, and I just thought — well, I have to do this. I owe it to them. I cannot die a coward.” Continue reading →
Two posts I wrote today on my Lilly Hope Lucario Facebook page @
Just because there are some people who are unable to cope with the fact they were intentionally abused by someone who did not love them….
Does not give them the right to push their self serving abuser excuser beliefs, onto those of us who do deal with the truth.
Understanding the truth about abusers and the intentional motivation, along with knowing the abuser’s unwillingness to have remorse, empathy or reagrd for human suffering……
Does not make us someone lacking in compassion.
It makes us people with the capacity and courage for truth.
And I do have appropriate compassion for abusers – because I don’t wish them anything inappropriate. I don’t wish them ‘bad karma’, or any form of pay back.
But, I do understand the necessity for them to face the consequences of their chosen actions. Including legal action, contacting the police, jail time if necessary.
People who have beliefs that make excuses, enable, minimize etc – are not dealing with truth, reality and have no empathy for the victims.
In fact, they have no empathy for the abuser. Because making excuses and enabling an abuser – is not in the abusers best interests either.
So when people deem people like myself as ‘lacking in compassion’ for abusers – they are simply delusional. And greatly misled by their own self serving and self soothing needs.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
I am so over seeing behaviours such as….. a lack of empathy, conscience, remorse, shame, guilt, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of regard for causing suffering to others…… classed as ‘mental illness’.
They are not about mental illness……….. they are being a shitty and abusive person.
They are all the character traits of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths.
I’ve been abused by them all, and I know 100% they all knew what they were doing was wrong, they all caused abuse intentionally and they kept on doing it anyway.
Pretending or deluding self that ‘they can’t help it’ – is simply wrong.
Yes – they can help it, because they can all act differently around people.
They can all act ‘nicely’ when they are grooming potential prey, or are around people they want to impress.
They select the behaviours they want to have, around different types of people.
Showing they can indeed have self control.
There are too many ‘abuser excusers’ and flying monkeys in this world……. Continue reading →
I’ve survived a lot.
I’ve suffered a lot.
But, I am a strong, courageous survivor, who has always survived the hell on earth – alone.
And I will always survivor whatever comes my way.
It has become clear to me, that the only person in my childhood – who was healthy, did what was right and tried to protect my sisters, was me. All the adults were toxic, abusive, character disturbed people.
And my sisters know this deep down, even though they choose to hate me for exposing the ‘family secrets’. Even though I do this in a pen name, to protect them.
My sisters knew as children and adults – I was the one to come to. They know deep down I was the one who was there for them.
When I was around 12, and walked in on my sister being sexually abused. Who stepped up and told our mother and her father (my step father) we were being abused? And this was a very dangerous situation, which I now know is because our mother and my step father were complicit in the sexual abuse. When I spoke up, I had no idea whether I would be taken away from my family – which was one of the threats from the paedophile who was abusing us both. But, I had that immense courage to speak up, to protect my sister. And I was emotionally and psychologically abused further and threatened by my mother and step father for speaking up. Something my sister has never shown any appreciation for. It was just expected of me to do what’s right. She couldn’t care less about the nightmares I have had for decades about seeing her face and the look of terror she had being abused. And how that has haunted me ever since, and will continue to.
When that sister got pregnant at 16, who did she come to – to tell her father? The father she claims is a decent person? The father who continued talking to the paedophile who abused us, after I stepped up and told what was happening. (Which shows what a sick individual her father is). Me. She asked ‘me’ to tell ‘her’ father, so I would cop the abuse, and she would not have to. Who stepped up for her then, again? Me. And I didn’t even hesitate in helping her. And she has done nothing but abuse me and exploit me since.
And there is the exploitation of money, which I was guilt tripped into supposedly being about finding work and needing money for car repairs. When in fact that was all lies, the money was for drugs. And the agreement made when I loaned the money – was I was repaid a certain amount every month, and she didn’t pay one single penny back. And never intended to.Then when I got upset about this – her narcissistic soul, chose to tell me I was only upset because she had a baby and I had had a miscarriage and I was jealous of her. Which is not true, because there is nothing about her sad life, I would envy. And to throw a miscarriage in my face – is despicable of her. Especially considering she lied and sociopathically exploited me all along, and this was not the only time.
Another example…. when I moved across the other side of the world…. my younger sister didn’t speak to me for 2 years. Because she felt I had ‘abandoned her’. her words. She did not care I needed to move for me and my family. But, she knew the loss of me in her life was significant. If I wasn’t a significant loss, and I was not a good person, she would not have cared that I emigrated.
And who was there for her when she had a miscarriage? Me.
When our mother was financially abusing my sister and taking all her money off her, who stepped up and tried to speak to our mother and copped the abuse from that. Me. Continue reading →
The reality of my childhood, really hits me at times. Deeper understandings occur and they also explain further – why I feel so different to most people.
The courage required to survive my horrendous childhood, to survive every type of abuse of a severe level, have not one remotely decent person in my family to rely on, and the courage needed to speak up about sexual abuse, protect my sibling being abused (which was a very dangerous situation)… plus know right from wrong, have a conscience, have empathy etc….. is I guess a miracle.
The levels of courage, integrity to honesty, integrity to protecting my siblings, integrity to do what is right, amongst many adults doing heinously terrible things – all within a dangerous, highly abusive, toxic environment – is significant. And I see that significance more and more.
It really was a case of…
“In the lands of gods and monsters
I was an angel…
living in the garden of evil”
~ Land Del Rey
I think this is why I look at many grown adults – who lack courage, who can’t even be honest with themselves, can’t own their own dishonest and bad behaviours/attitudes, don’t stand up to protect vulnerable people being abused, make excuses for bad behaviour and act in such immature ways and I just shake my head in disbelief.
It seems absolutely bizarre to me. Because compared to the courage I have displayed even as a child – it does all seem quite bizarre. Which may seem harsh – but this is the reality of my life, since childhood.
It’s why honesty, courage, standing up for people being wronged, standing up to abusers – don’t seem such a big deal to me. I’ve been doing this since childhood. Continue reading →
I shared my blog about the most painful, yet most courageous, most brave thing I have ever done, was to accept the truth about my mother being complicit in all the abuse I endured including the child sexual abuse. And how this takes far more courage, than making excuses, which was far easier.
This was some lovely feedback I received….
“Absolutely! And you are a hero with a hero’s heart, to choose to survive and deal and still be a good hearted person.
Disillusionment is the most difficult emotion to face and get through, and so many choose not to, because it IS so incredibly painful to face and deal with all that it brings.
Enlightenment, waking up, wisdom, growth, is a very painful process because it’s facing our illusions and seeing the truth, it’s disillusioning, and it’s not an easy path. It’s a hero’s path.
Well done Lilly ❤ “
It is such lovely feedback and I will take some time to digest these words. As part of my believing good things about myself, and not dismissing them, as I have always done.
(This is the blog, the comment was in response to
~ Lilly Hope Lucario
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I’ve endured significant trauma. I’ve endured abuse of every kind, to a severe level. I was heinously abused, throughout my entire childhood. It was very courageous and brave, to endure it all and still be here.
And be a compassionate person as a result.
But, the most painful thing I have ever done, was accept the truth about my mother intentionally and consciously abusing me. And knowing my mother and step father were complicit in the child sexual abuse – within their ring of sex offender, paedophile friends.
Coming to terms with this, and
no longer making excuses,
no longer minimizing or denying the truth,
is the most courageous and bravest thing
I have ever done.
It is so painful, it has nearly killed me. I have wanted to die, rather than know this reality.
It was much easier when I made excuses. When I was in denial. When I didn’t face the truth. Continue reading →
“So many people get judged when they refuse to put their pain away. They get judged for showing it, for speaking it, for insisting on sharing their memories of abuse with those they know.
I am not talking about those overwhelming strangers with their stuff—I am talking about legitimate sharings with those they are connected with in daily life. All too often, they are fed one repressive message or another: “Don’t look back,” “What’s done is done,” “Don’t be a victim,” “Your feelings are an illusion,” “Be strong.”
What is ironic about this is that those who insist on embodying and expressing their feelings are actually the courageous ones—unwilling and unable to live a false life. Their stuff is breaking through their defenses because they are tired of carrying the weight of buried truths. They want a healthier and more authentic life.
Those who seek to shame their revealings are actually less courageous, turning to repressive mantras in an effort to bypass their own unresolved feelings and memories. If they can shut others down, they can remain shut down themselves. But shut down doesn’t take us anywhere good. If we don’t deal with our stuff, it deals with us.
May we all speak our truths, before our buried truths destroy us. Out with the old, in with the true… “
Jeff Brown ~an excerpt from ‘Spiritual Graffiti’ Continue reading →