Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


“Smile through the pain”

Earlier, I was sitting in my car, before school pick up. Tears pouring down my face, listening to this song. I forced myself to get my shit together and stop crying. I’ve been at this place, so many times. Having to pull myself together, so my children don’t see me so upset.

I put on my sunglasses (thank God for sunglasses) and walked into the school grounds, staying away from all the other parents. Hoping no-one would talk to me. A little girl of one of the mothers I know came over and talked to me. I forced myself to smile and chat about her lovely mermaid dolly.

A few minutes later the bell rang and my son came out. By then I was okay and he would never know that only minutes ago I was crying.

When you have children, you have to smile through the pain.

Having empathy, means feeling anger. And it’s needed.

I am a person with a great capacity for empathy. having empathy, means you feel the full range of emotions, especially for others who are suffering, and about those who cause that suffering.

I am so angry this morning, I’ve ended up sobbing.

People can all too often, be vile, disgusting, abhorrent people.

And too many people lie and deceive about really significant issues, like child abuse.

Makes me so angry, to know how many children are abused and how many adults, knowingly put children in harms way.

crying 5

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Sia – Breathe Me. This makes me cry so much.


“Breathe Me”

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there’s no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I’ve lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me Continue reading


I feel such shame when I cry in front of my children. I should be stronger than I am.

Being a good mother is the most important thing to me. I try hard to be happy around them and not be depressed, sad or cry.

Sometimes, my emotions are so high, I can’t control it.

I just cried on front of my 5 year old and now I feel terrible. He was sad and hugged me.

I should be able to not be emotional in front of them. They shouldn’t see my tears.

I feel like a really bad mother.

I need to be stronger than I am.

I hate myself for not being the mother they deserve.