Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


That moment when someone recommends a hairdresser and it’s a child abuser from the abusive church/cult!

Well that was a moment of panic that set in. The abusive Baptist cult – I was abused at, has some cult members that are ‘best friends’ with the narcissist pastor, who abused me.

The wife is a hairdresser and unfortunately, her children go to the same school as my youngest child. She is blocked from my personal Facebook account, and that way I avoid having to see anything posted by her on the school FB page.

I asked for a recommendation for a hairdresser, and someone I am facebook friends with, sent a link to this abusive hairdresser woman.

Yikes – the last person I want to see is that woman or anyone from that cult, on my personal facebook account.

This woman is the one who I received a message from about the abuse witnessed and considered disgusting. The person who emailed me, has been to that Baptist cult, and was shocked by the child abuse that was encouraged there. She told me about this hairdresser starving her toddler, because the toddler would not eat dinner. She also said a lot of other abusive behaviour was witnessed – women being treated badly etc.

I validated this persons account of all the child abuse, spiritual abuse and domestic violence – that goes on there. Including all the physical abuse – taking belts to children, beating them etc.

A few emails went back and fore. I was glad she wrote to me, to confirm if it was this Baptist cult where I had been abused. It helped to know other people realised how abusive they all are and how disgusting their behaviour is.

So, when I received this recommendation of this hairdresser – I panicked.

But, I stopped, deleted the posts that were on my Facebook account. Blocked the hairdressers FB business account page.   Continue reading

Wow, it’s amazing how God uses my blog…

It amazes me, how this always happens. Just when I start doubting what I am doing, and whether to continue…….. something happens, to show me just how much God wants me to continue.

I don’t intend saying much, as what has been shared with me, is confidential. But, what I will say, is I am so thankful my blog, what I have endured, my courage to write my abusive experiences out…. as this has helped someone being spiritually abused, by the same people as I have been abused by.

To know God was also helping someone – to guide church people away from a cult-like church, and to then guide this person to my blog, to help clarify this persons experience… is truly amazing.

I have always said, it is not about numbers. It about quality. helping people in a truly meaningful way… matters.

God will always use what was meant for evil, for good, if we are willing.

I don’t deserve to have been abused, spiritually…. and I am not thankful it happened.  Because that would be thanking evil.

I don’t rationalise abuse. I don’t put some positive spin on it. No-one ever deserves to be abused. God does not ever want anyone abused.

But, God will use this to help others. Continue reading


Done with Christianity as an organised religion & done with Christian counselling.

So much has happened over the last 2 years related to so called ‘Christians’ that I know has profoundly affected my healing, caused me more abuse and trauma, and I know I need to just separate myself, from it all.

I have seen so many people who claim to be mature Christians, fail so badly and I find it quite bizarre that they all can’t see it.

I’ve seen lies, excuses, corruption, justifications, minimizing, spiritual abuse in the masses, child abuse and well so much more, but I’ve already blogged enough.

I think so many really are mind controlled, into this concept that it is needed to minimize abuse and protect abuse perpetrators. All with their wrong interpretations of grace, compassion etc.

All this has shown me, is how much these people hurt abuse survivors, abuse them further, spiritually abuse them and re-traumatise them and re-victimise them.

And worse, they truly don’t care. They all stick together.

They truly are the perfect examples of narcissist/sociopaths or their apaths. Continue reading

Church people’s ‘faith’ sure can become a big fat idol, for evil.

A lot of church people are just as screwed up as secular society, if not more so.

They hang on to certain views and certain Bible verses and they use that to avoid wisdom, to avoid responsibility, to stay apathetic and basically use it as an idol for all the wrong reasons.

Cardinal Pell – someone I have identified easily as having the dark triad traits – along with his matey Sir Tony Abbott – caught out lying – again http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-11/church-report-found-priest-guilty-of-sex-abuse-no-charges-laid/5662984

Now some Christians will just automatically revert to – ‘we must not assume that is correct, we must not listen to gossip’ etc….perfect excuse to not believe that evil is occurring. No thought or empathy for the victims. Perpetrator protecting, at it’s best – only with church people’s crap as the excuse.

And this kind of evil, is not just a Catholic Church issue – I have been shown that very clearly, over the last few years.

Do any of these church people even try to imagine what it is like to be abused and not be believed and treated like shit – abused more? Evidently not. Empathy – not common. Yeah sure there are counsellors willing to listen to the abuse – all re-active stuff after the abuse has occurred, blab on about compassion for abusers and even then victims get doubted, but who is actually trying to stop the abuse?

It sure isn’t people like Cardinal Pell. And he’s been promoted. Oh how that is something that so familiar with me – an abuser – who gets away with it – the victim treated like shit – lies corruption, cover ups – no-one steps up – and the abuser is promoted.

Commonly occurs, it would seem. For the victims, this disgusting evil behaviour, is more abuse. And so few care. Such good ‘Christians’, aren’t they?

Talk about mind controlled, abuse encouraging, victim blaming, victim re-traumatising, evil occurring. But, apparently I am wrong to think this. It’s my ‘issues’ to care about the victims and point out this evil. Yeah sure ‘I’ am the one with the issues… Continue reading


I am every immature church persons…..nightmare….especially for the men.

I realise that my challenging of so much I see within churches, is a freakin’ nightmare for many.

Especially all those who have been brought up in churches – where as children they are forced to have blind obedience and submission and of course ‘women must keep quiet’.

I do see, I am very problematic to all these deceived people, stuck at a very immature level of faith – at stage 3, where most will remain all their lives, very evidently leading to these mind controlled, sheep like people, who don’t challenge, don’t question, just accept, believe what they are told, like docile sheep.


I see the fact that I challenge the mind controlled issues many have, is very unusual to them – and they will not like this and I won’t create many friends.

But, you know, my faith, is the most important part of my life and I don’t intend to compromise that – to make friends with deluded, deceived church people.

I am way beyond that and just because they can’t understand that – is not my issue – it is theirs and it is their sin, to not challenge themselves and their thinking.

I know a ‘woman’ challenging men in conservative, right wing churches – is such a huge issue to them!!! Poor darlings, I know their ego’s get hurt by that and it threatens their need to be dominant and be ‘the man’. Continue reading


I feel re-victimised by church views about abuse.

I refuse to say ‘Christians’ anymore, when it comes to views about abuse.

I really feel like there is far too much emphasis on feeling sorry for abusers, and ‘well it’s tough tits’ really for victims. It’s almost like an attitude of ‘hey abuse happens, get over it’.

It’s interesting how they condone and enable abusers…..yet being a gay person – oh my! How terrible…

Perpetrator protecting is rife in churches. The miss-use and wrong interpretation of grace, compassion, forgiveness etc…is all about minimizing what abusers do – because ‘hey we all sin’.

And little concern as to the damage abuse causes and the onus is completely on the victim of abuse to just ‘quietly’ forgive, move on and preferably really quickly, otherwise you are a failure by their standards and ‘God will be angry’ because if you don’t forgive quickly – He won’t forgive you – coz it says so in the Bible. Such an immature view of what is meant by certain Bible verses.

There is also this fear of speaking up, disagreeing with ministers, disagreeing with doctrine and denominational rules/beliefs. Why?

Maintaining ‘peace’ seems to be a big issue too and those willing to step up and expose abuse are the trouble makers.

It drives me nuts.

Just because we all sin, is not an excuse or a licence for abuse to continue and not be dealt with. Continue reading

Society must stop enabling/excusing abusers, based on mental health.

Abuse is increasing, in all forms.

A huge % of abuse is based on these disorders and other mental health disorders.

Mental health disorders are increasing.

Society must stop allowing mental health to be used as an excuse for abusers, to abuse.

Society needs educating about personality disorders, what the signs are, and must recognise these disorders more and in particular how they mostly cannot be treated successfully.

Society MUST reduce abuse and not allow it to continue increasing.

One single person, cannot beat a corrupt, twisted religious establishment.

I have accepted this. Not in accepting how corrupt and how psychologically twisted many religious establishments are.

I have researched enough to know, this goes on far too much within churches and religious organisations.

The biggest validation of this is the Royal Commission investigations. Which many mind controlled, sociopathic types within churches, believe is ‘terrible’. I mean, how dare people come in and expose ‘Christians’ for who they really are – liars, abusers, hypocrites and not remotely Godly.

It bothers me greatly, that God is used as an excuse for abuse, lies, narcissism etc.

But, I also accept that I cannot – as one person – beat a system, no matter how much I want to, for the sake of many people getting hurt and future spiritual abuse victims.

I can’t ‘save’ these people from these wolves.

And with a very heavy heart, and pain within me for how much this is so wrong, I accept my part in trying to deal with this, has to be over.

Weak, pathetic people, contining to be weak, pathetic people…

My husband saw someone from the unhealthy, abusive Baptist Church, today at the shopping centre.

As per virtually every single one, (bar one lady), they are all so weak, and this person turned and ran away. Unable to be mature adults, and act with decency and just walk on by, or acknowledge us, like human beings.

Why? If they were all so secure in who they are, and were real Christian people, they would not act the way they do. They would act with grace, and compassion and be kind. Not run away.

They know what they have all done is wrong, how they have treated someone who was abused by their associate pastor. No doubt they have been fed lies, but any mature, decent person would know, what went on, was very wrong and that myself and my family were the victims and were hurt very badly.

But, these weak, narcissistic people, aren’t capable of that. No wonder several people have spoken of them being a cult.

They run away like children. Scared to see us and possibly have to speak to us. Continue reading

Blessed to be able to be there for so many people abused by churches/church people.

It truly distresses me how much church people and churches harm and hurt already hurting people.

They often feel so self righteous and so entitled to inflict their unwise views, and bang on with their Bible quotes.

There needs to be people – further spiritually progressed to help these church/church people survivors.

People who won’t judge them if they say they have turned from God – because I know He knows their pain and He won’t punish them for the harm so called ‘Christians’ inflicted.

I realise my understanding of God puts me in a position to help these wounded souls and I will.

Having a heart to help them with the hurt and harm caused by church people – who need to learn to shut up, and stop acting like they are wise….when in all reality, most are absolutely not.

I see how I have a role in this and my spiritual understanding allows to help and many trust me, because I am not your average church sheep, or a right wing, hard line, Bible bashing, abusive church person either.

It’s also good to educate them on the personality disorder traits many of these people have too. It helps people understand why they were abused and where the problem really lies.