Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Validation of my intelligence is good …. but it doesn’t reduce the pain, or the aloneness.

The last couple of counselling sessions, have resulted in a lot of validation. It was stated I am far more able to clearly see my trauma history and understand toxic/unhealthy people and their motivations and issues, than at any point in my life. I am far more able to speak up about all I know, understand and express the depth of that understanding.

This has all been validated. Along with being told that I am a very intelligent woman, with a capacity to think things deeply and rationally. To a much deeper level than average. And what people cannot understand – they will reject. So rejection features a lot in my life. It’s always the default for people who don’t understand something, to reject it. Few people ‘get me’. That’s the reality I am enduring.

Also validated, was my understanding of victim shaming, victim blaming, shame shifting in all it’s many forms. Plus, why it happens, the motivations for it, and why it is so wrong. I understand people’s motivations are very often not at all what they delude themselves they are. Rarely do egocentric, selfish, narcissistic, unhealthy, irrational, character disturbed, or delusional people – ever admit their true motivations and issues. They reside within lives of delusions, fantasies, lies and irrational thinking. I understand that very clearly. And how much this occurs throughout humanity.

And I can now verbally express all this, far more easily and with considerable clarity. Which is about my healing/growth.

This includes the depth of my understanding of all the harmful people who have abused me throughout my life.  Including my husband. Who it was confirmed, is highly narcissistic, with sociopathic traits. And it was validated he comes from a highly dysfunctional, narcissistic family. It was helpful to have this validation. And that I was duped, manipulated and exploited. I was not in fact looking for an unhealthy or co-dependent relationship. I fell in love with a man who did not exist. I fell in love with a fantasy my husband (and his parents) believe about himself. Who lied from day one. And he continued on with his selfish, manipulative, deceitful and toxic ways, for 16 years. Stealing from me the right I had to find someone genuinely good/ healthy/ decent/ trustworthy, who would be a good husband and good father. Plus, the validation of how I know this man never loved me, never cared about me, and is in fact incapable of love, due to the depths of his fantasy/delusion about himself. And I’m glad my counsellor has done counselling with him, as that is further validation, based on her own therapy with him.

But, all this validation, does not take away my reality, that I am different to most people. Feeling different, is something I have always felt, and continue to feel. And it makes me feel so terribly alone. And that was validated as a very real situation I am in. It is not a ‘complex trauma irrational issue’. It is a very real issue, with very valid reasons why, which are not about anything wrong with me. But in fact, are due to deeper intelligence skills.

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The validation of all this, is good. It helps in knowing I am correct in my thinking. But, it doesn’t take the aloneness away. Just because I understand why I am so different to most people, doesn’t make me feel less alone. Or make it less painful. In fact, it makes it worse. Continue reading


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Thank God for Jeff Brown. I think he is the only person who thinks to the same depth as myself ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

This is from Jeff Brown – @ http://soulshaping.com/


“Next time you have a terrible thing happen to you and someone says ‘You chose your every experience’, knock them unconscious 🙂. When they come to, ask them to thank you for fulfilling their dream. And then, insist that they forgive you before they have even healed their head wound. Then tell them that ‘pain is an illusion- just be aware of it, witness it, and you will come into the Power of Now’.

Then, remind them that there are no victims and that they just need to ‘turn around’ their story of victimhood. When they try to get up, push them back down on the ground, and remind them that ‘everything you see and experience is a reflection of you’. That is, ”you must have had some issues that you needed to look at around violence. I gave you a gift. Be grateful.”

Ask them for some money in exchange. Tell them to give you their pin number. When they begin to get angry, remind them that anger and judgments are substandard emotions and that there is never anyone to blame. If this doesn’t soften their edges, inform them that the ego is the enemy, and that the part of them that is perceiving this situation as unacceptable is merely misidentified… “You are trapped in the matrix, and seeing the world through that limited lens.”

Tell them you are here to liberate them. And then, steal their wallet, so they can learn another valuable lesson about attachment and manifestation.”


 

I am so thankful that at least one person understands how bizarre, irrational, unhealthy and toxic so much thinking out there is.

I feel like an alien on this planet, but people like Jeff truly get, what I understand and see people choose to believe and I think ‘what?????? – are you really serious that you believe that BS?????’. But they do. In their millions!

I told Jeff Brown recently about a Buddhist ordained monk, who told me child sexual abuse is deserved – due to past karma and I should be glad I am suffering in this life – to get rid of that karma. Jeff responded, that I should punch the monk in the face. And quite frankly, the monk would have deserved it – for spewing such evil. No child EVER deserves to be sexually abused.

Jeff understands so much toxic religious, New Cage (how he rewords New Age) and popular thinking, is utter bullshit. As I so clearly see it is too.

And so many of these people who spout this toxic BS – believe they are ‘enlightened’. When in fact they are simply delusional and toxic.

Thank God for people who have the same capacity for rational thinking, and depth of thinking.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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My ‘toxic people radar’ capacity – proven again to be correct ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Following a message I received about a ‘narcissistic abuse survivor’ page admin, plagiarising other people’s work……. I had a conversation with someone I do trust.

This conversation led to talking about yet more people – who I had discerned some time ago as being a fake (due to victim blaming attitudes and dodgy posts) and definitely not what they seem. And the person I was having the discussion with – confirmed these ‘fakes’ have treated her really appallingly, with rage and nastiness. And she was shocked to be treated this way.

It was another of those ‘WOW’ moments – where I had already discerned people as fakes – even though the fakes had done nothing to me personally. And that insight was then confirmed correct by a another person – who ‘was’ sadly on the receiving end of these fake persons nastiness, toxicity, rage and unstable behaviours.

I should never doubt my capacity to discern toxic, fake, narcissistic people.

It is has been proven correct SO many times.

I know toxic people’s traits. I’ve been living with these types of people, all my life.

I’m never ignoring my ‘red flag’ discernment capacity…. ever again. Continue reading


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Opinions are like assholes…. but they can still hurt ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Discernment, wisdom, rational thinking, empathy…. are all required to have a decent opinion. Especially about issues related to complex trauma.

There are some people who ‘get it’. And many who do not. Yet, they will voice their opinions anyway.

I have learned to ignore them. Mostly. But, when they come from people who are significant in my life, they hurt. And that’s okay – because the person mattered. And when people matter, anything harmful they do, does hurt. That’s normal.

I can also now choose to accept their issues are actually theirs. I know that now.

Continue reading


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When People Don’t Listen To Me Telling Them About A Narcissist ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I was part of a group earlier in the year, and I discerned a full blown NPD narcissist – who was causing considerable issues in the group.

I warned a few people – and like most people in life – they didn’t listen and continued to enable and tolerate the obvious narcissistic traits. I left the group and I am so glad I did. I have a lovely group myself, with healthy, kind people and it was the best decision to make.

I now know, only a couple remain in that group and all the other 10+ people – have left.

I knew that would happen. Continue reading


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My highly skilled capacity for discerning liars, manipulators & exploiters ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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My skill level for discerning toxic people, has been validated, once again.

I very quickly discerned a liar, who was claiming to have PTSD – very quickly. Yet, for many harmed by him – sadly it was months, and sometimes years – before they began to doubt him.

Sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists, can be very charming, very ‘believable’ and unless you know the signs, the red flags to watch for…. it is very easy to be duped by them.

But, due to being raised by these heinous toxic people types, I do know the red flags to look for.

I was right all along.

And no matter the trolling, abuse, threats, and all the ‘flying monkeys’ who joined in with him to abuse others and me …….. I stuck it out in exposing him. I didn’t want anymore people harmed by him.

And now I have the Daily Mail (UK) asking me to contribute to an article they are doing about him and all his lies and exploiting.

No-one – not even me – should ever question my capacity to discern toxic people and quickly.

I do not ignore the red flags anymore. Because, that always leads to trouble and being abused.

A part of me feels very sad, that my capacity to discern toxic people, comes from a terribly painful childhood, full of the worst kinds of heinous abuse.

And I don’t do the rationalising abuse BS, that many seem to take comfort in. I’m not glad I endured all I did. I don’t believe I ‘needed’ to be abused, to become stronger. I don’t thank abusers, for anything. Continue reading


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Turning hypervigilance into discernment, is healing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Hypervigilance, is fear based. It is based upon the fear that people are not what they seem, and will hurt you, or be harmful in some way. The traumatised brain goes into panic when it senses someone may pose a threat to our wellbeing.

Hypervigilance, is very understandable, when someone has experienced ongoing abuse, where they believed their life or safety to be at imminent risk. It is a skill that was required to stay safe.

Part of healing complex trauma, is to turn the hypervigilance of the fear of people and the need to work them out for any sign of potential harm….. into careful and steady discernment. Discernment is healthy and a deeper skill than many people do not normally have.

Discernment allows us to calmly work out people’s motivations and behaviours…. without the fear of hypervigilance, that makes us shut down, withdraw or isolate.

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Discernment allows us to accurately read people and then in a calm manner – decide on the actions we may need to take, and the boundaries we may need as a result.

I am adding to this blog, following a question about how we actually develop discernment. This was my response….

Discernment starts by having self control and impulse control. When we sense something is potentially wrong, we have to stop, sit back, not act and think about it. It requires not having fear based processing/reactions. We also learn to consider people’s words, actions, patterns. If words and actions conflict. Watch how people treat others. Do they treat others well? Also understanding selfish and unselfish behaviours. The motivation behind people’s behaviours. It is a skill set that takes the capacity to really understand human behaviour.

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