Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


It hits me like a punch in the stomach at times, just how much abuse I have endured.

I know my trauma history is not the worst, but it is pretty bad. Many abusers. From Birth. Every kind of abuse. Severe abuse. Over prolonged periods of time. All the important people in my life.

The reality of this, sometimes hits me full force.

Like just now. While talking to a mental health professional who provides counselling on a ranch for victims of abuse. I explained I have had all the top 3 causes of PTSD; prolonged child abuse, domestic violence, rape, so I empathise with many survivors.

And stating those three types of abuse, in no way explains the severity, or how horrendous it is to endure it repeatedly over long periods of time.

It’s too much.

And the words of another incredibly brave survivor ‘It is a lifelong sentence, it never leaves you’. And he has a mother and family members, who love him and care about him.

It hits me like a huge wave of fear, pain, grief and it makes it hard to breathe. Continue reading


Children abused at home – experience the same ‘warzone’ as combat soldiers.

By Kate Kelland

LONDON (Reuters) Children exposed to family violence show the same pattern of activity in their brains as soldiers
exposed to combat, scientists said on Monday.

In a study in the journal Current Biology, researchers used brain scans to explore the impact of physical abuse or domestic violence on children’s emotional development and found that exposure to it was linked to increased activity in two brain areas when children were shown pictures of angry faces.

Previous studies that scanned the brains of soldiers exposed to violent combat situations showed the same pattern of heightened activity in these two brain areas the anterior insula and the amygdala which experts say are associated with detecting potential threats.

This suggests that both maltreated children and soldiers may have adapted to become “hyperaware”
of danger in their environment, the researchers said.

“Enhanced reactivity to a…threat cue such as anger may represent an adaptive response for these children in the short term, helping keep them out of danger,” said Eamon McCrory of Britain’s University College London, who led the study.

But he added that such responses may also be underlying neurobiological risk factor which increases the children’s
susceptibility to later mental illness like depression.

Depression is already a major cause of mortality, disability, and economic burden worldwide and the World Health
Organization predicts that by 2020, it will be the second leading contributor to the global burden of disease across all ages.

Childhood maltreatment is known to be one of the most potent environmental risk factors linked to later mental health problems such as anxiety disorders and depression.

Continue reading


Yes, I am a Christian. No, I don’t need to honour and respect abusive parents.

“Why isn’t there a commandment to “honor thy children” or at least one to “not abuse thy children”? The notion that we must honor our parents causes many people to bury their real feelings and set aside their own needs in order to have a relationship with people they would otherwise not associate with.

Parents, like anyone else, need to earn respect and honor, and honoring parents who are negative and abusive is not only impossible but extremely self-abusive. Perhaps, as with anything else, honoring our parents starts with honoring ourselves. For many adult children, honoring themselves means not having anything to do with one or both of their parents.”

― Beverly Engel, Divorcing a Parent

Christianity often gets so much of what is stated in the Bible wrong. Particularly when it comes to abuse.

God does not want us to be in any relationships where abuse is occurring, where it will not stop. Anyone who thinks you have to say married to an abusive person, or have contact with abusive parents etc, are very wrong, and have no idea of God’s pure character.

God is pure love.

Would God want anyone to be abused, for the sake of adhering to a Bible quote, often taken out of context? Continue reading


Combat related PTSD too often turns into bullies, narcissists & domestic violence so common.

There is a lot of research about combat related PTSD and how ex military are more prone to becoming violent, aggressive, narcissistic/sociopathic behaviours, and domestic violence is far too common with Combat PTSD.

(Please note – I am only referring to the abusive combat PTSD ex-military. I am very aware there are many who are not abusive, so this post, is not to be confused as a description of all being this way, at all).

Having received cyber bullying, harassment, along with others who were threatened, attacked, from a page from the founder;

Simon Buckden of ‘Positive Action For PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’, who is ex military, I decided to do some research.


I have always been a huge supporter of ex military with PTSD receiving more support than they do, but in all reality no-one receives enough support for PTSD regardless of the reasons for it. And there are many more people with PTSD & Complex PTSD from abuse, and child abuse, than military.

There is also this notion by many combat PTSD sufferers, that combat is the only ‘real’ cause of PTSD and the worst. Which is absolutely rubbish and this is simply their ego and need to be victims. I have seen these attitudes on Combat PTSD sites.

There are also those who have non combat related PTSD – who believe that military ‘know’ the risks to their physical and mental health and are aware of what can occur – so it is their choice to risk this. Whereas, those who have PTSD from abuse – in no way had a ‘choice’ to be abused or end up with PTSD.

I personally, like to not have these opinions, and just feel compassion for anyone who has PTSD.

There is a lot of research to support that Combat PTSD sufferers, are more aggressive, violent, abusive, and there is far too much domestic violence occurring in their families – of which many spouses and children then end up abused and many have PTSD.

The stigma attached to PTSD – largely comes from all this abuse & violence within the military and how society views PTSD – as ‘a walking time bomb’ for being violent or murderers etc.

It is easy to see why they become more aggressive and violent – a combination of having been military trained for combat, some being narc/sociopathic type traits before they enter the military, alcohol and drugs issues, the shame of ‘big tough men’ getting PTSD and feeling like failures and feeling weak and their need to ‘be big tough men’ after the combat career has ended, to make up for their perceived failure in the military. Continue reading


When to tackle bullies, narcissists and sociopaths etc. ???

Had an evening of cyber bullying/stalking from sociopathic bullies, other people were harassed, bullied, threatened, called bad mothers, liars, so it was interesting to see, this was certainly not about anything I had done at all.

Yes, I could have ignored it all and avoided it – but I was already involved in it and knew other people were being harmed, and if I had ignored it – all of this would not been exposed and the bullies/sociopaths concerned, wouldn’t have come to light, but now more people know who these people ‘really’ are.

The truth should always be spoken.

I believe in NOT avoiding abuse and abusers and letting them continue. That is apathy, selfishness.

Society is as unhealthy as it is, because of too much apathy and selfishness.

I believe in courage, integrity, not wanting others hurt by people with bad intentions. Compassion, love etc – are NEVER about condoning, ignoring, avoiding abuse. That is all from a selfish heart.

Many people have been great, so supportive, non apathetic too and also wished to know the truth.

A few decided their ‘own’ needs were more important and were critical of my actions. That’s life. Some people are selfish, apathetic and don’t care about abuse and harm to others, but care if it happens to ‘them’, only. They are ‘all about me’.

My husband (cop) was livid when he found out and saw all the comments, bullying, the ‘tag teaming’ on Twitter to bully me, threats etc, from that PTSD, who claim to care about PTSD. They don’t, they have proven that by their actions – attacking people who have PTSD. No professional PTSD organisation attacks, threatens and bullies people, lies and stalks those, with PTSD. Continue reading

‘I Am A _________Survivor’ quotes – how many apply to me.

I share quotes on my Facebook community page – like one today ‘I Am A Domestic Violence Survivor’.

I realise I could make so many of these, and they would all apply to me.

I am a….

Domestic violence survivor

Child abuse survivor

Child sex abuse survivor

Narcissistic abuse survivor

Sociopathic abuse survivor

Sadistic psychopathic abuse survivor

Paedophile sexual abuse survivor

Spiritual abuse survivor

Rape survivor

PTSD survivor

All over prolonged periods of time.


Still overwhelms me sometimes.

I really am only here by the grace of God.

And I am strong.

Because I needed to ‘want’ to survive – all that.


Boundaries – dealing with difficult people.

This is excellent advice, to implement and maintain boundaries, with difficult people, which is vital for healing.


1. Realize that your needs are important.

“When you doubt your own importance, you’re allowing the manipulations of difficult people to gain a foothold,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif. However, when you understand that your time, money, dignity and needs are vital to your well-being, it’s easier to tune out people who want to break your boundaries, he said.

If you doubt your importance, he suggested the following:
•Be with people who value you. “Your social group is like a mirror, reflecting your value back to you.” You can surround yourself with selfish, difficult people who reflect you have little self-worth, which you eventually start to believe. Or you can surround yourself with caring, loving people and start believing that you’re also worthy of love and care, he said.
•See a therapist. Therapy helps you build self-worth and pinpoint the obstacles that prevent you from valuing yourself.
•Be objective. Create a list of the ways you make the world a better place, he said. For instance, you’re someone’s good friend, you make your spouse smile on a regular basis, and you’re committed to recycling. “Just being human means you deserve fundamental rights and respect, but if you look a little deeper you might find unique qualities you can appreciate about yourself.”
•Be fair. “If you believe all people deserve respect, this includes you. If you allow others to treat you like dirt, and you believe they’re entitled to do so, you’re not being fair.”

2. Be firm and kind.

Being firm doesn’t mean being callous, belittling or hurting another person, said Hanks, author of The Burnout Cure: An Emotional Survival Guide for Overwhelmed Women. “You can be firm and loving, firm and validating.”

For instance, you’ve gone on several dates with the same person, but you just don’t click. You let the person know, but they keep persisting and want to continue the relationship. According to Hanks, you might say: “I really enjoyed our time but I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship. Please don’t contact me. I wish you the best.”

3. Have realistic expectations.

Continue reading

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Spanking is abuse & harms the brain – neuroscience is now proving this.



Medical professionals investigating the long-term effects of spanking have consistently found a link between corporal punishment and increased aggression in children. Such “educational” discipline correlates to higher levels of acting out in school and trouble in academic performance. It predicts vulnerability to depression, typically in girls, and antisocial tendencies usually manifest in boys.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and The American Psychological Association oppose striking a child or adolescent for any reason.

I used to attend a church, that had so many women (& men) – that were depressed, miserable, irritable etc – and I used to sit and think – wow, aren’t we as Christians, supposed to be joyful? But many of them weren’t. A lot of them struggle with depression and related issues.

This church also believes and promotes physical abuse as ‘discipline’. Having hitting babies & toddlers, and taking belts etc to older children and teenagers.

I rest my case.

A good hard spanking, is domestic violence.

Continually hitting children, is child abuse.


8 + Abusers. Every kind of severe abuse. Prolonged abuse. How am I still here?

Severe child abuse from birth – narcissistic mother, sociopath step father, abandoned by birth father.
Narcissistic/sociopath abuse from sisters.
Child sexual abuse 3 years – paedophile
Captivity abuse as adolescent 4 years – sadistic psychopath.
Domestic violence marriage 5 years – husband alcoholic and gambling addict, physical, mental abuse and more.
Attacked at knife point by stranger in park, must be at least sociopath.
Spiritual abuse, with grooming, by narcissistic church minister, spiritual abuse by senior minister and church.
Bullied in school and in workplace.

How the hell am I still alive?

No wonder I have severe Complex PTSD.

The only reason I am alive, is God’s grace.

No-one can survive all this, and still function.