Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I fell in love with a man who did not exist; the reality for many survivors of narcissistic partners ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I was not aware in any way, that the man I was falling in love with, had a delusional persona that he used to manipulate and exploit me.

I did not know his persona was a lie.

I did not have the opportunity to know the truth about him and therefore had the choice to know who he really was, and to walk away, stolen from me.

This is the reality of many narcissistic partner survivors.

Please know – if this happened to you – you should not feel any shame for having believed the lies, the persona, the fake image presented to you.

Narcissists often fool mental health professionals – so anyone can be fooled by them.

The only shame that should be felt – is by the narcissist  – for their chosen manipulative, exploitative, devious and deceptive behaviours. Continue reading


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Be Aware Of Toxic People Re-directing The Focus – To The Reaction To Abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

A post to my page. I have endured this my entire life.


Toxic people like to re-direct the focus – away from their chosen decisions to abuse – to the reaction of the victim.

It’s a form of manipulation, that enables the toxic abuser – to avoid focussing on their actions, to avoid taking accountability or responsibility for their chosen abusive behaviours.

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When they re-direct focus to e.g. the victims anger – they can claim the victim is the one in the wrong. The victim is the one with the issues. The victim is the problem.

See how they shift the focus and shame – from themselves – to the victim? It happens a lot. It is very common with toxic people.

They can say things like ‘why are you so angry’ – ‘no one can talk to you when you get like this’, ‘look at you – you’re crazy’.

The focus is shifted – and the focus becomes about the anger/resentment/emotional distress – the victim is feeling.

The anger/ emotions/ distress etc the victim has ‘every right’ to feel…….. because being angry/ emotional/ distressed- at being abused – is a NORMAL and rational response to being treated badly and to being abused.

Continue reading


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The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys Are Everywhere ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Something I have learned in life, is toxic people are everywhere. And their flying monkeys are everywhere too.

Flying monkeys are people who support toxic people. They encourage and condone the toxic persons behaviour. They make excuses for toxic people. Or they ignore the toxic persons bad behaviours and choose to only see what they want to believe is good behaviour. (The ‘good’ behaviour still only being the toxic persons self serving behaviour, as they don’t do anything good – unless it is serving themselves in some way).

Flying monkeys can be family members, friends, church people, co-workers, therapists.

You would think therapists would know better, but they can indeed be flying monkeys when they have a self serving vested interest in condoning the toxic persons behaviour.

Throughout my life, I have seen so many toxic people being supported by flying monkeys.

Both of my husbands, have family who are flying monkeys. They choose to ignore the bad their adult children choose to inflict, and ‘only see the good’. Making excuses for the toxic behaviour and not making their adult children accountable for their bad behaviour. This following on from their poor parenting in the toxic persons childhood. I see clearly how poor parenting – has lead to the child becoming an adult narcissist.

I’ve seen flying monkeys within families, workplaces, groups of friends, churches, therapists rooms. It goes on everywhere.

I’ve seen it happen many times over social media. People who I discerned being toxic, have their flying monkeys who condone the toxic persons behaviour – as long as there is some self serving need being met. They will stay connected to the toxic person – for as long as the toxic person is promoting their work, books etc. Continue reading


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Two posts about abusers & abuse, honesty & courage ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Two posts I wrote today on my Lilly Hope Lucario Facebook page @

https://www.facebook.com/LillyHopeLucario


Just because there are some people who are unable to cope with the fact they were intentionally abused by someone who did not love them….
Does not give them the right to push their self serving abuser excuser beliefs, onto those of us who do deal with the truth.

Understanding the truth about abusers and the intentional motivation, along with knowing the abuser’s unwillingness to have remorse, empathy or reagrd for human suffering……
Does not make us someone lacking in compassion.

It makes us people with the capacity and courage for truth.

And I do have appropriate compassion for abusers – because I don’t wish them anything inappropriate. I don’t wish them ‘bad karma’, or any form of pay back.

But, I do understand the necessity for them to face the consequences of their chosen actions. Including legal action, contacting the police, jail time if necessary.

People who have beliefs that make excuses, enable, minimize etc – are not dealing with truth, reality and have no empathy for the victims.

In fact, they have no empathy for the abuser. Because making excuses and enabling an abuser – is not in the abusers best interests either.

So when people deem people like myself as ‘lacking in compassion’ for abusers – they are simply delusional. And greatly misled by their own self serving and self soothing needs.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


I am so over seeing behaviours such as….. a lack of empathy, conscience, remorse, shame, guilt, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of regard for causing suffering to others…… classed as ‘mental illness’.

They are not about mental illness……….. they are being a shitty and abusive person.

They are all the character traits of narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths.

I’ve been abused by them all, and I know 100% they all knew what they were doing was wrong, they all caused abuse intentionally and they kept on doing it anyway.

Pretending or deluding self that ‘they can’t help it’ – is simply wrong.
Yes – they can help it, because they can all act differently around people.
They can all act ‘nicely’ when they are grooming potential prey, or are around people they want to impress.
They select the behaviours they want to have, around different types of people.
Showing they can indeed have self control.


There are too many ‘abuser excusers’ and flying monkeys in this world…….
Continue reading


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Received a copy of Shahida Arabi’s best selling book, that features some of my work :)

Shahia Arabi is the best selling author of books about recovering from toxic abuse caused by abusers – such as narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths.

Shahida kindly asked me if I wanted to contribute to her second book and also requested to add another article of mine. I am deeply thankful to Shahida to include the articles and links to my sites and social media. (My articles are on pages 193-197).

I am also so touched of her dedication at the beginning of the book. It has been and continues to be an honour to support Shahida and others, in their journeys to healing and in reaching out to others.

This is Shahida’s best selling book –

which I have recommended on my Website.

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This is the lovely dedication

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I consider Shahida a friend, even though we have not met. I love her compassion, her drive and her desire to reach out, help and educate others, and give survivors of toxic abuse – the hope needed through the healing journey.

I highly recommend this book – it has everything in it anyone could want to know – including a lot of advice about healing. Continue reading


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It’s painful grieving people – who cause such harm and know they couldn’t care less ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am still slowly ploughing through my book. I intended writing a dedication and acknowledgement to my therapist. Who I now no longer see. My therapy has ended really badly, and at a really bad time. But, that’s life.

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So, I will no longer be acknowledging her in my book. Which is sad. I already had part of it written out. And now when I read it back – it is painful. Because the beliefs I had about her, were so wrong.

It’s weird to know my book will no longer have two things in it, that were so important in my life. My relationship with God. And my therapy relationship.

It’s very sad. Very painful. And it’s needed to feel that.

Because grieving is painful.

One of the most painful parts, is knowing that while you are enduring all these painful emotions and hurting so much….. the person who caused the pain, doesn’t think about you at all. Continue reading