Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I can now call my abusers anything I want.

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Now I don’t have to care if I say the ‘wrong thing’ in counselling, I am free to call the abuse what it was – evil.

And the abuser – evil.

And a narcissist. Or sociopath. Or psychopath. Or paedophile. Or sex offender. Or whatever else I want to call them.

There is a greater level of freedom, when you don’t feel like you have to please your counsellor, who always minimized and invalidated everything I endured.  And always made me feel like a bad person, for talking about abusers in a ‘bad’ way.

Now I can say anything I want and not risk the patronising tone, the invalidating attitudes, the loaded silences, the obvious displeasure – when I didn’t say what was expected.

I’ve endured major anxiety for 5 years, about supposedly calling them the ‘wrong thing’ – because to her ‘that’ was the priority. Not the decades of abuse. To her the terrible thing, was me labelling them wrongly. Continue reading


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I’m Glad To Have Finally Decided To Create An Ebook – I Can Promote Via All My Platforms ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have deliberated over how to publish my book and I’ve settled on an PDF ebook, I can promote via all my social media, this Blog and my Website.

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I considered doing it via Amazon, and I see the advantages of it being promoted on a big audience, but I also see the drawbacks other authors have encountered, of dealing with reviews, dealing with trolls leaving bad reviews, when they haven’t even read the book.

I haven’t got time to deal with that crap. I don’t have the time or the motivation, to deal with negative stuff. And I don’t need my book to become a ‘best seller’ – I just want it to reach the people who need it. I just want to know it made a difference for people. And I could always re-publish it again in the future.

My Website has a lot of traffic and I could pay to have the SEO etc increased.

This Blog – has a of traffic.

And that is all enough for me. I know the book will reach those who need it.

SOOOOO glad I have finally made this decision. Continue reading


The Most Terribly Abused & Abandoned Child ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Unless someone has experienced this, they will not fully comprehend how terrible a childhood like this, is for a vulnerable child. Or comprehend the life impacting consequences of this.

To not have one safe, caring adult in a child’s life, means the child is terribly abandoned and always unsafe.

No wonder the child grows into an adult who has such deep trust issues, and never feels ‘safe enough’. Continue reading


“We Don’t Like To Get Involved In Other People’s Business” – AKA – We Are Selfish To The Core & Don’t Want To Help Others

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My in-laws are visiting at the moment. My husbands whole family are narcissistic, dysfunctional and selfish to the core.

I’ve heard the in-laws make this statement many times “We don’t like to get involved in other people’s business”. But, actually what this really is – is they are utterly selfish, care only about helping themselves, have no compassion and no empathy for others.

Along with all their other delusional beliefs, they actually choose to believe they are ‘good people’ by ‘keeping out of other people’s business’.

Which is complete BS.

I see more and more how selfish people are, and the BS they tell themselves to justify it.

My in-laws refuse to ever look after their grandchildren, refuse to help their adult children in any way, and yet think they are ‘amazing grandparents’. They are not, at all. And there is no evidence to show they are good grandparents, at all. They are completely able to help out in ways many grandparents choose to. But, they refuse to. They have never been good parents or grandparents.

It is amazing just how bizarrely deluded some people are.

Personally, I find selfish people draining and horrible to be around.

They are a waste of space on this earth.

The good people on this earth – care about others and know that…

 Compassion is a verb

– it means you make an effort to help others. And you don’t have to ‘get into people’s business to help them. It’s not an ‘all or nothing’ situation. Continue reading


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Whatever I Do About My Mothers Funeral – Will Be Wrong

My mother has died. I’m aware her funeral is on 30th May.

I had counselling today, and we talked about how numb I feel about hearing my mother has died. And how that numb feeling is normal.

We also discussed whether I should attend the funeral. I know that my siblings – will choose to see whatever I do – as wrong.

If I go to funeral – that will wrong.

If I don’t go to the funeral – that will be wrong.

That’s the problem with dysfunctional families. Whatever the scapegoat does, is always wrong.

I have decided not to go. For my own personal needs, I do not need to attend the funeral.

I would have liked to go – to support my siblings, if our relationship was normal. I only went to their father’s funeral – to support them. I wish them nothing but peace. Continue reading


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My Narcissistic & Dysfunctional In-laws Are Finally Going To Hear The Truth ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My husband comes from a very narcissistic and dysfunctional family. None of them have any insight into that, and they truly believe they are normal and do no wrong. That is far from the truth.

My husband is highly narcissistic, his sister is a drug addict, his parents are selfish to the core and none of them have any conscience, remorse or shame about anything they do to harm others.

This has all been confirmed in counselling.

Fortunately for me and my children, all of my husbands family live the other side of the world. So we only see them when they come for a holiday.

My in-laws are here now, for a 3 week holiday. Today, is the first day we see them.

Due to counselling and confirming my husbands issues, and the way I have been treated by him and his parents, I am no longer tolerating their dysfunction, or narcissism.

Now, I am confronting it. His parents will be told their son is personality disordered, his personality did not form in a healthy way in his childhood and teenage years. They will be told their son is selfish, a pathological liar, an adulterer, emotionally abusive and never learned to own his wrong behaviours and never learned to have remorse or a conscience. And that this has all been confirmed in counselling. And depending on the way the conversations goes, I will also tell them their daughter is a drug addict.

They won’t like this, but that is their issue to deal with.  I am no longer placating toxic people and no longer enabling them. Continue reading


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12 Life Impacting Symptoms – Complex PTSD Survivors Can Endure ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Complex trauma is still a relatively new field of psychology. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, results from enduring complex trauma.

Complex trauma is ongoing or repeated interpersonal trauma, where the victim is traumatised in captivity, and where there is no perceived way to escape. Ongoing child abuse, is captivity abuse, because the child cannot escape. Domestic violence, is another example. Enforced prostitution/sex trafficking is another.

Complex PTSD is a proposed disorder, which is different to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Many of the issues and symptoms endured by complex trauma survivors, are outside of the list of symptoms within the (Uncomplicated) PTSD diagnostic criterion. Complex PTSD does acknowledge and validate these added symptoms.

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The impact of complex trauma, is very different to a one time or short lived trauma. The effect of repeated/ongoing trauma – caused by people – changes the brain, and also changes the survivor at a core level.  It changes the way survivors view the world, other people and themselves, in profound ways.

The following are some of the symptoms and impact, most felt by complex trauma survivors.


1. Deep Fear Of Trust

People who endure ongoing abuse, particularly from significant people in their lives, develop an intense, and understandable fear of trusting people. If the abuse was parents, or caregivers, this intensifies. Ongoing trauma, wires the brain for fear and distrust. It becomes the way the brain copes with any further potential abuse. Complex trauma survivors often find trusting people very difficult, and it takes little for any trust built, to be destroyed. The brain senses issues and this overwhelms the already severely traumatised brain. This fear of trust, is very impacting in a survivors life. Learning to trust, can be learned, with support and an understanding of trusting people slowly and carefully.

2. Terminal Aloneness

This is a phrase I used to describe to my counsellor, the terribly painful aloneness I have always felt as a complex trauma survivor. Survivors often feel so little connection and trust with people, they remain in a terrible state of aloneness, even when surrounded by people. I described it once, as having a glass wall between myself and other people. I can see them, but I cannot connect with them.

Another issue that increases this aloneness, is feeling different to other people. Feeling damaged, broken and feeling unable to be like other people, can haunt a survivor, increasing the loneliness.

3. Emotion Regulation Continue reading


Videos Highlighting Many Of My Posters/Memes ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

https://www.facebook.com/pg/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD/videos/

Check out the above link, which takes you to slideshows of posters/memes I have created, to help spread awareness, compassion and understanding. Continue reading


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How To Begin To Heal The Wounds Caused By Narcissistic Parents ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

As per my last article, narcissistic parents cause considerable damage to their children. Being raised by narcissists, is not normal and there are many wounds created, that affect the survivor – right through to their adulthood.

Last article can be read @ https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/04/25/10-damaging-ways-narcissistic-parents-emotionally-harm-their-children-lilly-hope-lucario/


The following 12 steps, can be very helpful for the adult survivor. They may aid healing and greatly improve quality of life. They can aid moving towards creating a healthy life and a life of thriving and building genuine healthy relationships.

1. Dealing With The Full Extent Of The Abuse & Neglect Is Necessary

It is necessary to deal with the extent of the abuse, and this is not being disloyal or unfair to the narcissistic parent. A survivor of childhood narcissistic abuse needs to confront the truth, reality and issues in full, in order to be able to heal the complex wounds.

It may feel very uncomfortable and very painful to deal with the reality of parental narcissistic abuse. Survivors can feel they are in some way being unfair to the parent, which is usually due to the brainwashing throughout childhood.

It is needed, to understand whilst the narcissistic parent may have wounds from their own childhood, or life, this is not an excuse to abuse their children. Narcissists often also know the abuse is wrong. And this is shown by the narcissists’ capacity to act differently around people they are not abusing. Often they behave very differently at home, than they do elsewhere. Plus, they often lie about the abuse, which again shows they do know it’s wrong. The hallmark trait of narcissists, is a lack of empathy, remorse or conscience. So whilst they do know the abuse they choose to inflict is wrong, they have no desire to do differently, as they have no empathy for those they abuse.

2. Understand It Takes Time To Process The Extent Of The Abuse & Grieve

This period of time needed to process all of the damage caused, is different for everyone. I personally did not start to deal with the truth about my toxic parents, until I was 40. And it has taken a few years to process the full extent of the damage caused. For others they will begin to start dealing with the childhood abuse, in their 20’s and some it may be in their 60’s. That’s okay. And it is never too late to start to heal the wounds. We are only read to deal with it, when we are ready.

For some adult survivors, dealing with too much too soon, can be emotionally overwhelming, and it may require a gradual process. That is okay too. Each person is different and there are no hard and fast rules to healing, and no set timespan as to how long this healing journey takes.

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A childhood full of toxicity and narcissistic abuse, needs to be grieved. This can take time. Grieving abusive parents, grieving a horrible childhood, grieving all the abuse endured, grieving all the child should have had, but didn’t, is hard. Like love, safety, protection, being cherished, being encouraged. It can be an emotionally painful grieving process. But, as with any loss – grieving is necessary and it allows the survivor to feel all the normal emotions they were never allowed.

3. Read Up On Different Types Of Abuse Caused by Narcissistic Parents

Narcissists often treat each of their children differently. They often assign roles to each child, and those roles are entirely for the benefit of the parent. One child may be assigned the role of scapegoat. And another child may be assigned the role of ‘Golden Child’. Both of these are very different, and may have different consequences, to the child and the adult they become. Narcissists often triangulate, and pit their children against each other and they rarely encourage healthy relationships between siblings.

Narcissists also have their preferred manipulation tactics. Some love to use the silent treatment. Others love to shout, scream and call their children names. Some love to make their child responsible for caring for other siblings.

It’s good to read up on the different types of abuse, as this helps us learn all the abuse was in fact entirely due to the parent’s own issues, and not due to anything the child did wrong.

I have a selection of resources from mental health professionals and best selling books, on my Website @ https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

4. Learn About Boundaries

Narcissists don’t have healthy boundaries, and this affects the growing child. Often the adult survivor will need to learn what healthy boundaries are, how to implement them and how to maintain them.

This can be a huge area of healing, and it can take time and a lot of willingness to look honestly at any deficit of healthy boundaries, and make the changes needed.

Some of the issues created by unhealthy/poor boundaries…. not being able to protect self from further toxic abuse, being a people pleaser and having a belief system that life is about meeting other people’s needs.

For resources about healthy boundaries – see https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/developing-boundaries-

5. Learn About Self Care

When raised by narcissistic parents, the child’s needs, are not a consideration. Continue reading