Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Quotes, that show a lack of self insight & self honesty

I see so many unwise, dishonest quotes travelling social media. They truly are bizarre to me. All they show is a lack of self honesty and a lack of self insight.

This quote is one of them…

heart is pure

For any person to believe their heart is pure, is basically saying they are perfect. No-one is perfect. No-one is without thoughts that are not perfectly good. Everyone has thoughts, that are imperfect and no-one is ‘never’ selfish at some point.

It takes courage to admit this.

I absolutely agree, there is a continuum people are on, and too many people are too far up the selfish, self serving continuum………. and some are far less selfish, and far less self serving.

But, no-one is pure. No-one is perfect.

It is an unhealthy ego, that believes their heart is pure and not capable of improvement.

All this quote shows to me, is this black and white thinking issue, many people have. Where they believe in something absolutely and have little self insight, or self honesty.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I realise I get ‘crazier’ to some people. And it’s a positive.

wisdom and consciousness

I am aware I have always been ‘different’ to your average person, who has experienced a more average life. I’ve been described as ‘different’ in many ways. ‘Kooky’, ‘quirky’, ‘crazy’ etc. And I now I accept I am different. Not better than anyone. But different.

One of the greatest flaws in humanity, is the general incapacity to accept anything that is not personally understood. And the way most people deal with this….. is to reject and dismiss, mock and invalidate….. as per the need many have to remain ignorant, unwise and lacking in insight. And it is a choice.

Many people, also cannot bear to be ‘wrong’. The human perilous ego.

So, I have also accepted I continue to grow in my differences to many. But, this is down to my wider life experiences, my capacity to learn, be wrong, have insight and self honesty. Continue reading


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When people abuse the ‘don’t shame/judge me’.

The phrases ‘don’t shame me’ and ‘don’t judge me’ – like all things in life, are repeatedly abused by those who do not wish to consider their actions/behaviours as wrong, don’t wish to be accountable for the wrongs/harm they cause and don’t want to go to the effort and courage of changing.

An example is parents who routinely hit their children. And say it is their ‘right’ and will accuse you of ‘parent-shaming’ and ‘judgment’ if you have a viewpoint that hitting children is wrong/assault/domestic violence.

It is absolutely okay and necessary to have wise, sober judgment. And okay to stand up for children’s rights.

I have smacked my children a handful of times, in the past. But, I knew within me, this was wrong. So, I made the choice to learn everything I could about more appropriate ways to manage behaviour. I also in the process learned from reputable child development, child psychology and neuroscience experts…. how hitting children, is harmful.

I made the choice, to accept smacking/hitting children is wrong, and learn a better way to parent.

So, this is what other people could also choose.

It’s not about demanding you feel ‘parent shamed’ or ‘judged’ and being defensive and immature in response.

It’s about doing what’s best for our children, letting go of the ego that cannot cope with being wrong, and choosing to learn and grow.

I see the people demand they have been ‘shamed’ and judged’ about this issue, are simply abusing those phrases, due to their ego issues and failure to want to what’s right and accept we can be wrong and learn. It’s not about saying parents are ‘bad’ for hitting their children (although in too many cases, it is abuse). It’s about the maturity to consider what we can do better.

I’m not shaming anyone when I say I believe hitting children is wrong. It is a very educated, informed understanding. And it’s about empathy. Respect. And treating my children, with same dignity, I want for myself. I don’t want to be hit. So why would I think it’s okay to hit my children? There are other ways to parent and manage behaviour. Continue reading


Be prepared for those who invalidate your healing & growth.

Following my last blog post, I received great responses, including from mental health professionals. That post being about my capacity to no longer take other people’s issues, personally.

Fullscreen capture 7012016 125547 PM-001

Mark is a mental health professional, who often shares my work

and responded positively.

I’ve worked really hard on this particular issue. Having being blamed and scapegoated in truly profoundly damaging ways, I used to always assume any issue, was my fault, and I let people walk all over me as result.

Now, I don’t. I recognise other people’s issues, are theirs. And I now have the capacity to not absorb, or internalise other people’s issues.

This shows great healing, growth and maturity, in this one area alone.

Sadly, the blog post was wrongly interpreted by one person, as being about detachment from society and people. And therefore deemed to be unrealistic. This issue itself, is not about me – the negativity and invalidation projected – is about that person and their incapacity to achieve what I now am able to. Continue reading


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Those suppressing/avoiding their own trauma, should not be preaching this is needed for all.

insight

I understand fully why people suppress their trauma. I did this for 20 years. It was too unsafe, I was too alone to deal with it.

So I did what society tells people to do – got over it, moved on, never looked back. Or at least tried my absolute best. Even my own husband did not know the details of my trauma for 10 years. Proof that I did not talk about it. I lived a highly functioning, capable life. I was suppressing all my trauma.

This for me, was the worst thing to do, but it was all I was capable of at that time, and that’s okay.

I realise for many, this is what they will do all their lives. And that’s okay too. Some can’t delve into their own trauma, their own minds and souls. And for some – to do that would kill them. It has nearly killed me, doing this.

So, I have complete compassion for anyone else doing this. It does feel a far safer place to be – suppressing and avoiding it all. Focussing on the good. Finding the positives, counting your blessings and just striving for as good a life as is possible.

I really do 100% understand this and if that is what someone needs to do all their life, I understand and I will not judge.

What I don’t like – is when people doing this – telling everyone else this is what they ‘should’ be doing. Judging others.

And I definitely don’t like it when some of these people then accuse others of ‘dwelling in their trauma’. or ‘acting the victim’, or suggesting the time span of this person being in a painful processing/grieving stage – is too long.

Some people suggest trauma survivors are ‘choosing’ to dwell. Continue reading


The human ego is a perilous critter… Some ‘ego’ quotes I wrote – Lilly Hope Lucario

“The human ego is a perilous and pesky critter to deal with. Feed it too much and you create a monster.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

~~~~~~

“You don’t heal from abuse, by developing an ego.

That is simply creating poor mental health that will never bring peace, as it will be a lifelong need to find more people willing to stroke that ego.

And continual disappointment and hurt, when someone refuses to comply.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

~~~~~~ Continue reading


Narcissists, always ‘need’ the last word, and think others want this too…

Their unhealthy ego, needs it.

And because of who they are and their deep inners shame they cannot admit to having, they think everyone else is the same and has the same ‘needs’ they do.

It’s the same with their tantrums, they think they are normal, and everyone has them.

It’s the same with the lying, they lie, so they assume everyone does.

I had a narc pastor and wife tell me that ‘everyone’ lies, to somehow excuse their lies.

Well, actually no, not everyone lies, not everyone had their narc traits.

But narcs, just cannot admit who they are and what they are.

I feel sad for them.

But, I do not excuse the harm they cause either, they need dealing with.

I don’t ‘need’ to have the last word, I’ll let them have it, to appease their ego a little. I know their ego makes them hurt and angry and destructive.


When the unhealthy ego feels attacked, it reacts defensively and with anger.

It’s sad how much this happens, but it does all the time.

I have spent 2 years, looking at all the good, bad and ugly within myself, taken advice, been courageous and honest to be totally upfront about everything I am.

My very experienced doctor/counsellor, remarked, this is rare and refreshing.

It is, I see that all the time around me.

People want to give their opinion/judgment and it’s often uneducated in psychology or insight or any empathy and then when you tell them that – boom!….their ego goes straight on the defensive and they feel ‘attacked’ – instead of looking to what might be true about themselves.

It’s called narcissistic injury. Continue reading


Everywhere I look, there are entitled, selfish people. But, I am the freak/weird.

My husband wanted to take a trip to a shopping centre near an airport where we live. *sigh. Shopping centres, hold no interest for me anymore. In fact, I do not like being surrounded by all the materialistic stuff, I do not wish to ‘buy into’ anymore. I see clearly how materialism and consumerism are not healthy and not needed and not good for society.

Sure, I go when we ‘need’ stuff. But that is all.

But, my husband wanted to go, and our son needed a new pair of soccer boots, so, off we went. As usual hives occurring.

On the way, on the highway, there were several trucks and cars, all tail-gating other drivers. And I mean, so close it was ridiculous. A huge truck, was so close to this little red car, that is was highly dangerous.

And this Aussie way many have of tail-gating (it is way worse here than in other countries) is down right dangerous.

These drivers feel ‘entitled’ to drive too close, knowing it is wrong and knowing it is dangerous. They do not care about the danger this poses for others. They ‘want’ to tail-gate and so they will.

Such poor mental health to do this. It isn’t just being an asshole – because within every asshole, there is poor mental health occurring.
Continue reading


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No expectations. No disappointments.

I my life experiences, I have learned, that expectation of people, leads to getting hurt.

Humans, are deeply sinful. Often lacking in integrity. Often very selfish. Often dishonest.

I have tried many times, to trust people, to expect good, and mostly been very disappointed, very hurt too often, abused too much. Yes, I probably expect too much from people…like honesty. Like…wisdom. Like…unselfishness. These seem beyond the capacity of many.

I feel very disconnected from society, from people. Always have done. I’ve always seen all these issues people have and tolerated them, assumed it was me that had the problem. Now, I know it isn’t me.

It’s hard being someone with life wisdom, a deeper understanding of people’s issues than they have of themselves, with growing psychology understanding.

I am a Christian, I am meant to tolerate people, and I always have. I still do. But, in no way, is my increasing awareness of humanity, giving me more capacity to trust in people, in fact it is exactly the opposite. And Jesus knew not to trust people, He knew all the disciples would fail Him. And they did, when the shit hit the fan. A perfect Biblical illustration of human weakness. Yes, He still loved them, but He knew not to trust them.

If you never trust, you never expect, you don’t end up disappointed, don’t get hurt. After my life, it is the way I know I need to be.

I don’t think people who lack courage, who lack honesty, who lack integrity, who lack compassion, who can’t be trusted – are bad. They are who they are. But, I know all too well the hurt and harm this can cause and does cause.

I’ve always said, to trust anyone, to expect good to happen, to expect anything good from people – has always been my greatest form of self harm – and it was. Continue reading