Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Narcissists, Psychopaths etc – Love To Shit All Over Anything Good For Their Victims

I had something really exciting happen today. A photographer I love has given me the opportunity to watch her work and process sales, all through all her Christmas sessions. The amount I will learn from this is considerable. It is such an amazing opportunity for me, and one good thing happening in my life right now.

When I told my husband, his immediate reaction and look on his face was absolutely resentment. Then he made it ‘all about him’ and negative, by nastily saying, that ‘he’ might not be able to get all ‘his’ shifts sorted around ‘all these dates’. Like I was doing something wrong to ‘him’. Because in his putrid mind – it’s always ‘all about him’. And it’s complete BS, because these dates are enough in advance of the shifts being worked out. He has stated many times his shifts can be worked around any dates that family members need for work or other appointments Plus, he has stacks of annual leave he has to take.

He wanted to make this an immediate negative and make me feel badly about wanting to do this. He wanted me to feel badly about something good for me.

Interestingly, when I told him I don’t care what he needs to do – I’m doing the photography thing and he better get it sorted so he can take care of our young son, he got the time off agreed immediately, with no issues to him at all.

It  was such a clear example of what his heart and soul are truly all about. You scratch the surface and there is nothing but blackness.

He abused me for 17 years – emotionally, psychologically and sexually (all confirmed in counselling as such) – which absolutely led to my breakdown 5 years ago and now my deteriorating physical health, and yet he still resents anything good for me. And clearly has zero remorse or shame for what he has done.

Just an ongoing need to make my life worse. As he has done for 17 years.

And just to kick me more – when he’s already kicked me down – he chose to make a joke this afternoon about all the abuse he’s subjected to. He thinks abuse is funny. He wanted me to know that he thinks all the abuse he subjected me too – is funny to him.

He totally shat all over my only light in this shit life, home and environment I am forced to have to live in, because I am too ill to leave.

I’m going into hospital on Thursday – due to serious life threatening health issues – he is largely the cause of………. and he can’t be happy or even okay – for the one good thing happening in my life right now. Continue reading

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When I’m Struggling – People’s Views About Abusers Are A Huge Trigger & Can Be Too Painful ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Something I have realised over the last 5 years of counselling and processing all the severe trauma I have endured…….. is other people’s views and opinions about abusers can be too hard, too painful and too emotional for me to deal with, particularly when I am struggling.

People are not ‘bad’ people for having their own needed views – and I get people need to believe whatever gets them through. And everyone can choose their beliefs and that’s okay. And I believe that people’s different views are okay for each individual person.

But, some beliefs are far too triggering. They often cause more damage and I’ve realised I need strong boundaries.

When we are struggling, it’s necessary to have boundaries and I know I need to stay away from anything that will push me over the edge.

I’ve learned to have my own boundaries and stay away from reading anything on the internet and social media – that will likely provoke an emotional overwhelm and triggers of the past.

I believe in emotional boundaries – our own to take responsibility for what we expose ourselves to….. and to keep away from other people’s views that hurt.

I’ve learned I can manage my triggers when I am really struggling. Not perfectly – but I am much better at this now. Continue reading


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Talking About The Heinous Abuse Caused By People With Personality Disorders – Is Not Increasing Mental Illness Stigma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Talking about the abuse, suffering and harm caused by people with personality disorders – is NOT increasing ‘mental illness stigma’.

Do not dare to try to silence abuse survivors as this is more abuse.

Personality disorders are not an excuse to abuse people.

I do not promote hate, revenge or retaliation – but I do promote the truth about how heinous their abuse is to endure.

Many victims kill themselves due to their heinous abuse. And some victims are killed by these personality disordered people.

The abuse must be discussed.

And info about these people so victims won’t be targeted again. Continue reading


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Now An ‘Official The Mighty Contributor’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My article was accepted, published and I was asked to be an ‘Official The Mighty Contributor”.

Which is great and I am so thankful for – as this raises more awareness about Complex Trauma, Complex PTSD, PTSD, abuse and child abuse.

https://themighty.com/2017/08/life-impacting-symptoms-of-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/

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Shame Shifting Is Abuse