Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Proof of the ‘there are no angels and no demons’ attitude, being bullshit.

**Trigger warning.


I recently started to read a book recommended to me, by my counsellor, based on some bullshit theory, which I know is a pack of lies.

The theory was thought up by a psychiatrist Murray Bowen. His own words ‘ there are no angels, there are no demons’ and ‘everyone is just acting predictably from their life experiences’. And the book, was written by some bullshit ‘social worker’ who also stated ‘there are no victims, there are no villains’.

Today, when I turned my computer on , the first two news stories I read were about.. 1) Two men aged in their 50’s raping a 10 month old baby and then sharing photos of this abuse with their friends, & 2) A man caught on the ‘dark web’ talking about wanting to buy a ‘caged child’ to sexually abuse.

And there are parents who abuse their children in this way. So whilst these ‘theories’ may be about families, there are indeed evil parents.

These men are evil. I do not care what they may have endured themselves in life, this is evil at work. There is no excuse, no justification, no reason that explains why men want to sexually abuse children in this way.

How dare anyone suggest these children, are not victims. Are not angels – so in some way responsible. And how dare anyone suggest these men are anything less than evil, villains, demons.

These men are indeed ‘demons’ and they are evil.

These children, are ‘angels’ -they are innocent, beautiful, vulnerable children being abused in the most heinous way, anyone can be abused.

These two news stories alone, prove these ‘theories’ dreamed up by mental health professionals, are nothing more than minimizing, invalidating, irrational bullshit, based on lies, that do nothing but harm those who know evil exists – because they have endured it.

And I’m sure these theories, help these ‘professionals’ sit there with the evil people and help them to believe they are helping these evil people. And I’m sure it helps these ‘professionals’ to take money from the evil people and to sleep well at night.

These ‘men’ are not acting ‘predictably’ due to their life experiences at all. If it was a matter of predictable behaviour, and being abused – leading to abusing others………. then how come there are many of us who were heinously abused, all our childhoods… and ‘don’t’ abuse other people or children, at all????

Abusing children in this way, and enjoying it, is a choice. A choice that means the person has no empathy, no conscience, no regard for human suffering and enjoys human suffering. Which is the definition of evil. And also the definition of a psychopath.

Anyone who chooses to believe in these bullshit theories, that make evil people ‘seem better’ than they are and invalidate the suffering these victims endure and invalidate the intentional motivations of these ‘people’ …….. is someone lacking in all rational thinking, lacking in any courage to face the truth, and should absolutely not be working with abusers, or their victims.

There are angels. There are demons.

There are victims. There are villains.

There are completely innocent people. There are evil people.

And to think differently, is bullshit.

And I explained all this, quite clearly to my counsellor today. Who sadly I have lost much respect for and trust in.

All this does is enforce my understanding, that people will believe any shit they want, to make their lives easier and rarely does the courage for truth, factor in most people’s belief systems.

The comforting lie, is always easier, than the painful truth. Continue reading

Having empathy, means feeling anger. And it’s needed.

I am a person with a great capacity for empathy. having empathy, means you feel the full range of emotions, especially for others who are suffering, and about those who cause that suffering.

I am so angry this morning, I’ve ended up sobbing.

People can all too often, be vile, disgusting, abhorrent people.

And too many people lie and deceive about really significant issues, like child abuse.

Makes me so angry, to know how many children are abused and how many adults, knowingly put children in harms way.

crying 5

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A hero is……

a hero is

I don’t buy into the average perception of what a hero looks like, based only on physical acts of bravery.

The greatest heros in life, go unrecognised, unnoticed.

They are those who endured terrible acts of suffering, abuse, child abuse, and yet came through it, and are decent people. Continue reading

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens

knowledge speaks

Only those who have the capacity to really listen and hear…. gain wisdom.

This is why the human ego is a pesky critter. It gets in the way of growth, maturity and wisdom.

The human ego is a like a road block. Any many people stop growing emotionally in the childhood and teenage years. They don’t progress along the emotional development, maturity path.

Wisdom is only gained, through Continue reading

Discussed in counselling, my ‘normal’, not being everyone’s normal.

As I have already blogged, a lot of people define and label me as brave, courageous, honest, insightful etc…. and I receive continual messages, emails etc…. about this.

I realised recently, I have had to survive toxic dangerous people, all through my childhood, including a psychopath, who killed a former girlfriend/victim/prey. By the age of 20, I had survived a considerable amount of severe abuse and trauma. And then survive more abuse and trauma throughout my adulthood.

The results of this, are my capacity for courage, being brave, inner strength, resilience, honesty, insight etc…. are deeper than average. Purely because of my non average life experiences. And not all survivors of severe complex trauma gain a lot of insight. But I have.

We discussed this today in counselling. Until recently, I have been confused as to why people see my capacity for courage, bravery, survival, honesty, insight, as something extraordinary. Something very unusual. Then I realised my normal, is not everyone’s normal. Your average person, does not have the capacity for that level of courage, or honesty, or insight, of depth of thinking. It’s not ‘normal’ for people to be as honest about themselves, as I am. Including when I screw up, and deal with it immediately, honestly, openly, fully, publicly, with no excuses.

So, I am no longer confused. And when I receive these compliments and nice descriptions of myself, I can just accept them for what they are.  People are recognising my strengths, and that’s okay.

We also discussed these labels, of ‘brave’, ‘courageous’, ‘honest’, ‘insightful’, ‘thoughtful’, ‘intelligent’, ’empathic’. My counsellor has described me as all these throughout my therapy.

I do accept I have the capacity for all of these. And this has been clearly demonstrated throughout my life and throughout my counselling. And my counsellor is not into labelling people, so I do see that describing me as all these, is definitely something she believes.

We also discussed the amount of support from mental health professionals, I have. And how Continue reading


How my brain is wired.

My head is fuzzy from taking Seroquel last night and I am so tired. I hate taking it.

So I don’t even know if this post is going to make sense. But, I’m writing it anyway.

My brain is wired a certain way, due to my childhood and upbringing.

I know from neuroscience research, our brains are wired certain ways, with areas of the brain lighting up , or not lighting up. and this will be different for everyone.

I know some people who are shown things where people are hurt, the area of their brain for pleasure, will light up

Whereas, others are  shown things where people are hurt, the area of the brain for empathy will light up instead.

I am the latter.

I don’t have my brain wired in a away, that finds anyone getting hurt/abused etc, funny, amusing. When my husband watches Funniest Home Video’s, he finds the ones where people get hurt, funny. I don’t. At all.

I don’t want anything bad to happen to anyone.

I have already blogged about reading an article about paedophiles getting beaten up in jail, and how my immediate reaction is to think this is not okay and wrong. I believe they need to kept from society, because I have the wisdom to know they will re-offend and I also have empathy for future victims. But my brain is not wired, to find them getting hurt, beaten up – as pleasurable.

I’ve never had that ‘revenge as pleasure’, brain wiring.

My brain is wired, to have empathy for future victims.

My brain is wired to see anyone hurt, as empathy for them. Something rare, it seems. Continue reading

It is a sad reflection of the world we live in when…

It is sad reflection of the world we live in…

Where you need to spend more time explaining

why you are empathic and compassionate and

receive more negativity and rejection about

having these virtues…..

Than you ever do, if you choose to be

selfish, egocentric and self serving.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Dr. Alice Miller Website ~ A Goldmine of ‘Real’ Psychology regarding child abuse. And a free book.


Stacks of amazing insight and info on here, and I intend buying several more of her books too.

It will help me put into words, more of what I have already processed, as to the affects of child abuse and why it is condoned by so many in society.