Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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A Zen Master Explains Why “Positive Thinking” Is Terrible Advice (Because It’s Dishonest & Irrational)

https://simplecapacity.com/2017/05/a-zen-master-explains-why-positive-thinking-is-terrible-advice/

I love it when spiritual people actually have a depth of thinking, that sees through the BS and ‘gets it’.


From the article…

“The philosophy of positive thinking means being untruthful; it means being dishonest. It means seeing a certain thing and yet denying what you have seen; it means deceiving yourself and others.”

“Positive thinking is the only bullshit philosophy that America has contributed to human thought – nothing else. Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, and the Christian priest, Vincent Peale – all these people have filled the whole American mind with this absolutely absurd idea of a positive philosophy.

And it appeals particularly to mediocre minds…

The negative is as much part of life as the positive. They balance each other.”

“You ask me: Am I against positive philosophy? Yes, because I am also against negative philosophy.

I have to be against both because both choose only half the fact, and both try to ignore the other half. Continue reading


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So glad to see Jeff Brown understands Eckhart Tolle is harmful, not helpful.

I often feel like an alien on this planet. I see and understand things most people don’t.

I am always so glad to read Jeff Brown’s posts and comments.

Today I saw this comment from Jeff, in response to someone on his page commenting about Eckhart Tolle.

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Thank God for people like Jeff Brown. Thank God he also has the discernment to know fake and false ‘teachers’.

Jeff makes me feel like I am not an alien. I am not totally alone. There are souls out there, who see and understand human emotions and human behaviour – on a much deeper level. As I do. Continue reading


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Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too ~ Jeff Brown

“Make no mistake.

Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too.

They too are channeling their unresolved material in your direction. They too are denying your value and trivializing your suffering.

Many who preach forgiveness are merely bypassing their own unprocessed victimhood.

Trauma survivors in denial, they need you to artificially forgive, so that they can turn off the tap of their own remembrance.

If they can jump you to premature-forgiveness, they no longer have to see the reflection of their own unprocessed pain in you.

It’s the most dangerous game of all- to invite forgiveness of other, before a victim has been truly seen in their woundedness, before (s)he has truly moved through an organic process.

If you have been wounded, you have been wounded. It’s that simple. And you won’t heal it, and the world won’t evolve beyond its hurtful ways, if we sweep that truth under a bushel of forgiveness.

The heal is for real.”
~ JEFF BROWN


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I realised, I needed to be much tougher. And that’s not a bad thing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All my life, I have tolerated unhealthy and abusive issues from others and never stood up for myself. Abuse was my ‘normal’ – from as far back as I ever remember.

I’m aware my childhood created the very vigilant, very intuitive person I am – who was also a doormat to anyone else’s toxic issues. I was groomed to tolerated it.

It always went really badly – when I tried to stand up for myself. Because when toxic people see their victims are going to resist/object to what they are doing – they turn up the heat on their toxic behaviours. Which is done intentionally – to stop the victim from resisting or objecting.

This pattern of not objecting or resisting continued on, all my life. Until about a year ago, when I started to realise I had every right to tell people to take a hike and they were not welcome in my life – in any form.

I had to fight with my self over this – to not feel like I was doing the wrong thing. It ‘felt’ wrong – to have boundaries with toxic people. It wasn’t my normal and I always had considerable anxiety at having boundaries, and standing up for myself – because of the history of being treated worse – when I tried.

Now, after more recent issues occurring in my life……. I really am at a stage where I am O.V.E.R. dealing with other people’s issues and I do not in any way now – feel responsible for helping them, or dealing with their issues.

I have healed enough and developed enough self esteem – to insist people behave in a way that meets my requirements for behaviour/attitude, or they will not be in my life.

I am tougher now. And I am glad to feel that anxiety about this – having gone.

I have standards and people have to meet them, or they are out.

This doesn’t mean I hate them, or want anything bad to happen to them. It doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for them – I do. So, no wrong judgments and assumptions needed – about how I feel about toxic people.

But, I simply do not have any desire to have toxic people in my life, in any way. And wherever possible, they will be removed from my life.

I have realised I need to protect my empathic self, from those who do not deserve it. And people do need to earn my respect and my empathy. People don’t get to demand or expect that from me anymore.

I feel stronger and tougher, than I have ever been in my life.

And I see how badly I was previously treated – by not having this strength of emotional boundaries, self esteem and toughness.

This doesn’t mean I no longer have empathy – but I am very selective as to whom I give that to.

It doesn’t make me compassionate – to be a doormat to other people’s toxicity. That made me vulnerable and easily preyed upon.

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Toxic people don’t play fair, and they look for vulnerable people. Continue reading


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Opinions are like assholes…. but they can still hurt ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Discernment, wisdom, rational thinking, empathy…. are all required to have a decent opinion. Especially about issues related to complex trauma.

There are some people who ‘get it’. And many who do not. Yet, they will voice their opinions anyway.

I have learned to ignore them. Mostly. But, when they come from people who are significant in my life, they hurt. And that’s okay – because the person mattered. And when people matter, anything harmful they do, does hurt. That’s normal.

I can also now choose to accept their issues are actually theirs. I know that now.

Continue reading


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Why suppressing needed emotions about being harmed/abused, is so unhealthy ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I am someone who has been abused and treated badly, by many people. From childhood onwards. And until recently, I never allowed myself to feel the painful emotions about it.

Something I have learned from my journey, is each time I tried to suppress needed emotions about being abused, it made my life worse long term. And made the pain of those emotions when finally felt, so much worse.

And when I do allow myself to feel emotions as they arise, and I don’t suppress them, the processing of them, is less painful and far quicker.

Example…..

I pushed down my needed and healthy emotions about my mother, all my life. And I continued to do this in counselling. By the time I actually allowed myself to feel anger, disgust, repulsion, betrayal, sadness, grieving….. these emotions were so intense it felt unbearable. The reason I suppressed my feelings for so long, was due to shame of thinking so badly about my own mother. When in fact, that shame was not needed. The only shame that should be felt – was by her. And I also felt my counsellor would in some way think badly of me, for being so angry at my mother. I felt she would think I wasn’t being ‘compassionate’ enough. And yet it turned out, she didn’t think that at all. She felt my anger and pain – were totally appropriate for all the intentional suffering my mother caused me.

But, recently I had painful emotions and realisations about my siblings. And instead of pushing these emotions away, or feeling any shame for my emotions, I allowed myself to feel the anger, the betrayal, the hurt, the pain and the grieving. And it was a lot less painful than if I had continued to suppress it all and took a lot less time.

The emotions about my mother, took several years to deal with in counselling, due to my suppressing them.

The emotions about my sisters, took a few weeks to deal with.

Huge difference in time and depth of suffering, in dealing with these very appropriate and very healthy emotions. Continue reading