I Just Need Empathy At Times When I’m Really Low ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 

I went to counselling yesterday. I nearly didn’t go.

One thing I realised – that even when I’m at my worst – I can now fight for what I need – empathy.

It was a difficult session. I cried a lot. I tried my best to explain how painful it all feels. I explained to my counsellor I just needed empathy. Not her telling me what I should be doing, or pushing me to be stronger than I am capable of being.

I even told her of a quote I read…

“Empathy is not always insisting everything will be okay.

Sometimes it’s acknowledging that it’s not”

~ unknown

Another thing I noticed, is that even though I was very emotional…. I did manage to remain calm, not get to the point where I needed to just leave.

I’ve realised my counsellor is a ‘fixer’. She wants so much for people to be doing better and getting to a better place, she pushes me too hard sometimes. She doesn’t realise I truly am doing everything I can already. And I know this does not come from a bad place. She is showing compassion and doing what she thinks she needs to do – as a therapist.

But, sometimes I just need to cry, grieve, be heard and her to just acknowledge that. And know that when I am ready – I will do better. As I always do.

I stood up for my needs and she got there. She realised what I was asking for. She even acknowledged that she may push me too hard and I can say when she is doing this.

So, I am chalking this up to progress – for her and for me.

Why People React Badly To My Empathy ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

View this post on Instagram

#empathy #discernment #lillyhopelucario #healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd #complextrauma #ComplexPTSD #CPTSD #PTSD #abuse #childabuse #boundaries #healthypeople #selfcare #selfesteem . Empathy is not common, and it has been a part of my healing to work out & discern why people react badly to my empathy capacity. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario ❤️ . See my bio for the link to my website and there is the link to my award winning blog.

A post shared by Lilly Hope Lucario (@healingcomplextraumaptsd) on Jul 21, 2017 at 3:30am PDT

Empathy Is Vital For Highly Traumatised Complex Trauma Survivors

Today, I saw an incest survivor commenting on a post on my Facebook page, clearly distraught and upset by comments advising her what to do (which was said from a place of kindness, but upset her more).

I was to be able to offer empathy and thankfully choose the right words to validate, not tell her what to do, and provide some comfort.

And I was in tears as I wrote it, and I truly do wish I could take away the terrible pain and suffering so many people endure.

I cannot give advice, but if I can offer words that comfort, I am so glad.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 

So Good To Be Able To Help Teenagers In Need Of Support & Care ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One of my 15 year old son’s friends, was recently chucked out of his home, by his abusive alcoholic parents. He is currently staying with another friends parents home, which I am so thankful for.

When I picked my son up today, I gave his friend a card, with a message inside saying we know he is going through tough times and we wanted him to know he is always welcome at our home too. I wrote our mobile numbers and said he could call us anytime. I also included $50 for him to use, because he left home with very little.

He told me he couldn’t accept the money, but I insisted and I could see he was getting emotional. It took every bit of strength in me to not cry. To know how this boy is feeling, the abandonment, the abuse and trauma he has already endured, has made me very emotional.

I also asked if he and the friend he is staying with, wanted to come with us to basketball at the police run centre we go to every Wednesday after school, and they seemed really keen on that. So that was good. I also said I would talk to the parents where he is staying, to see how we can help.

As I walked away, I could feel the tears starting to fall down my cheeks.

I don’t know the issues going on in this boys parents home, but whatever his parents issues are, they have treated their son appallingly. And abusively. And that is not okay and not justified by their own issues with alcohol.

I want this boy to know there are people who care about him, and for him to know 2 families care about him, is important to a teen who has endured abuse. Especially when the abuse is your own parents. Your parents are meant to be the people who love you, cherish you and protect you the most. Abusive parents fail at this completely. That has deep effects on the child/teen and the adult they become.

Then we called into a fast food place, to get some ice-creams, and a girl I used to care for when she was a young teenager, was outside the fast food place, looking really unwell. She works there after university. I asked her if she was okay, and she said she was ill and had just been told to go home. So, I offered to give her a lift home and said to her she could phone me any time if stuck like that again. Her mum is a single mum, and has lots of problems associated with horrible divorces. When I used to care for this teenager girl and her siblings, she used to tell me all her problems and confide in me. She told my in-laws who were in the car, that I was the person who “helped her most when she was sad and I was like her therapist”. I nearly started crying again. It was clear I was an important part of her life, for the 4 years I cared for her after school and in the holidays. She gave me huge hugs when we got to her house.

“I think your blog is a historic milestone and an important step to social awakening that needs to happen around the issue of childhood trauma”

Today, I received the following email, from a psychologist. I have removed the name, for privacy.

---

Hi Lilly,

My name is ******, 30 years old, from ********* , I work as a Children’s Psychologist. I follow your FB page and have decided to write you now following what you wrote about Mother’s day coming up and what it’s like for you.

I wanted to let you know that I appreciate so much how strong you are in facing the horrible things you have gone through. I appreciate so much the strength, and the special – so humane – character in the way you write your blog.

I am deeply sorry for the things you have lost, Lilly. I too know the horror of growing from a childhood that was taken.

And I hope these next few days go by as easily as possible for you.

I very much believe in your strength Lilly, to change your life and make it better for you than it has been for you.

Your strength in facing the hard past is very inspiring.

I also wanted to thank you for your blog from a personal place. Your blog has helped me in super-hard moments, and made me feel less alone in them. And besides that, I think your blog is a historic milestone and an important step to social awakening that needs to happen and will happen sometime in my opinion, around the issue of childhood trauma and how it effects the development of individuals.

“You have probably done more compassionate “mothering” to us all than, anyone could possibly hope for”

I am so overwhelmed by all the feedback I have received today, following my Mothers Day posts.

This is one of many comments left, (along with those highlighted on my previous 2 blog posts) that truly makes me know how meaningful my work is.

I know it’s the true insight and empathy I have for complex trauma survivors, and the gentle encouragement, and not having any expectations, that create that safety many complex trauma survivor crave and need.

This was posted to my Facebook page on 12/07/17

I am glad to be someone, who can reach people in a truly meaningful way.