I am thankful that I don’t say things my mother used to say, I am nothing like my mother.
But, I just said something that she said and I remember it vividly – visual and emotional flashback of it.
I just told my kids off (calmly), for using my sewing scissors for craft – the ones I use for cutting material.
I remember so clearly my mother really shouting at me for doing the same thing as a child, because she was so annoyed with me, because I used her scissors. I was probably about 9, or 10. Being scared of her, this was obviously a time when I was anxious that she would punish me emotionally, as she always did. I always tried to keep the peace, pacify her, keep her happy, do anything she wanted and not ‘awaken the beast’.
I always had a lot of anxiety and fear of my mother getting nasty and she knew this. She deliberately created this, for my compliance, for power and control over me. I was the sensitive one, the eldest and I was the easy prey for her.
My anxiety is massive right now.