Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


She needed strong emotional boundaries now…

 

I protect my vulnerability and fragility, fiercely.

I am aware, this means I don’t trust people.

I am aware when people show me anything that signals as a red flag, I shut down and they become someone who resides on the list of people I cannot be vulnerable with.

So far, everyone is on that list.

I am also aware, due to human weakness we all have, everyone I meet, will always end up on that list.

My trust issues…..are also huge issues and barriers, for my healing process.


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Poem – Inner Child’s Pain, Of Letting Go ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My needy inner child

Desperately searches for

What she never had

Scared to her core

.

To face and know

You cannot be

What I need

For the child in me

.

‘Letting go’

Words I fear

You are in my heart

This pain severe

.

To let go

And lose these dreams

Of the search ending

Fragile, unheard screams

Continue reading


I always form the wrong attachments & when they end, it is devastating.

I’m aware I form attachments rarely and when I do, they are with the wrong people and as a result, I always get so painfully hurt.

I know this is part of my Complex PTSD issues, due to so much abuse within my childhood and not having appropriate relationships with my own parents.

I’ve always said that to trust people, is my biggest form of self harm. Because, I form the wrong sort of attachments and trust people, who are unable and not wanting to be who I need them to be.

It’s a huge behavioural pattern within my life and I accept it, know why and try to have self compassion, rather than self hatred about this.

Abandonment depression and a deep sense of loss and grieving always follows the ending and loss of the attachments I have created in my heart. Continue reading


My song, when I feel vulnerable, scared, small and needy.

 

So many people say vulnerability, feeling scared, feeling fragile are all so wrong.

Well, in society terms I am a failure, weak and pathetic.

But, I am honest.

And this is how I feel, increasingly.

Or maybe, not increasingly, but I just acknowledge it more.

I feel it a lot. I feel unsafe.

I have most of my life.