Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Adults are also ‘groomed’ for sexual abuse. I was. By a church pastor.


I have been asked several times, how to identify if an adult is/has been groomed for sexual abuse, by an abuser.

I was ‘groomed’, by a narcissistic pastor. I was very vulnerable, and he used that for to his advantage. Seeking to get me alone, talking about highly inappropriate things – like telling me how many pastors have affairs, discussing sexual intimacy with me in detail, inappropriate touching and hugging, all whilst alone with him, in my home. He told me he had feelings for me, he should only have for his wife. So, clearly did not see me as a sister, which was how he termed his ‘feelings’, earlier on in the grooming process.

He broke every rule of pastoral counselling, didn’t keep any records, hadn’t told his senior pastor where he was, and then lied about it all.

This below is great info about adult grooming.




Grooming – Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.


Grooming is a insidious predatory tactic, utilized by abusers. Grooming is practiced by Narcissists, Antisocial predators, con-artists and sexual aggressors, who target and manipulate vulnerable people for exploitation.

Child grooming is the deliberate act of establishing an emotional bond with a child, to lower the child’s resistance. Child grooming can result in the minor falling victim to physical, sexual and emotional abuse, or specifically, to manipulate children into participating in slave labor, prostitution, and/or the production of child pornography.

Adult grooming is correspondent to child grooming and applies to any situation where an adult is primed to allow him or herself to be exploited or abused. While it is a common assumption that grooming is only practiced on the very young, identical emotional and psychological processes are commonly used to abuse or exploit adults the elderly, and those with compromised mental facilities. Continue reading

Been researching slander, and that sure is what has happened to me, by N. P. Baptist Church

slan·der [slan-der]
defamation; calumny: rumors full of slander.
a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name.
Law. defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc.
verb (used with object)
to utter slander against; defame.
verb (used without object)
to utter or circulate slander.

I have been lied about, by a pastor – A. Allinson and his wife at this church. The pastor being the one who abused me.

I have proof of this, in writing. It was admitted in front of other witnesses, by his wife, that this pastor lies. The excuse made that ‘everyone lies’.

These people have lied; by omission, by telling half truths, and by allowing others to think the wrong thing about me – which is all forms of lying.

This is emotional abuse and it is slander. Continue reading


Just because I am strong enough to have endured it, does not mean I deserved it.

Just because I am strong enough to have endured severe, multiple, prolonged complex trauma/abuse..

Does not mean I ever deserved even a minute of it.

And no matter what I did, or didn’t do, it did not ever give anyone the right to abuse me.

No-one ever deserves abuse.

No matter what any abusive, or unhealthy people may say.

The abuse, was always a choice by the abusers.

A choice ‘they’ made. Their blame. Their guilt. Their shame. Whether to choose to own that or not.

I still need to remind myself of this, often.

To replace the old belief systems seared into my soul, by all the abusive people I have endured.

I support the current campaigning to ban all paedophiles from ANY internet use.

There are many campaigning for this, in many different countries.

I support this fully.

Get them off the internet, off social media.

Keep children as safe as possible.

Reduce them online grooming.

Reduce these people from harassing abuse survivors.

Reduce them encouraging the child porn industry.

They made a choice to abuse children, or illegally look at child porn.

They should have this ban, as the consequences.

Keep children safer.

The priority, always.

Do-gooders, enough already.