Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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How can people abuse others & have no remorse, shame or guilt? Because they are ‘disturbed characters’ – as per an expert.

To those us of who have a conscience and feel bad about anything even minor we do that has hurt someone….. we wonder….. how can someone be so intentionally abusive, cause so much prolonged harm and suffering, and not feel bad about themselves or feel guilt about their actions???

As per Dr George Simon – an expert in toxic people…. it is because they have a disturbed character and do not have a conscience, and do not feel remorse, shame or guilt.

And despite what many will say…… there is in fact a healthy amount of shame and guilt felt by people with a healthy character, when they have done something wrong that hurts someone.

As I read more articles by Dr George Simon, I am validated in my understanding of toxic people and their lack of conscience. But, with the insight that they do know what they do is wrong, and they make choices to cause harm.

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/10/10/shame-and-guilt/

This is also explained in the book my Dr Robert Hare (world expert in psychopathy/sociopathy) named ‘Without Conscience’.

https://www.amazon.com/Without-Conscience-Disturbing-World-Psychopaths/dp/1572304510

And it’s worth noting, most psychopaths are not serial killers or serial rapists. They are often undetected, living amongst us – unknown to be a ‘disturbed character’ unless you know how to detect them, due to their lack of empathy, conscience, guilt, remorse. And they can fake these – so it takes considerable awareness to detect them. Even Dr Robert Hare admits to being manipulated by them.

My insight – that toxic people will keep causing harm, unless they choose to feel remorse, choose to develop shame and guilt… is also validated in Dr George Simon’s work.

When someone is rewarded by their own toxic behaviours, and they feel no shame, no guilt and no remorse, they will likely continue these toxic, abusive behaviours. Which I have known and seen, all my life. Continue reading


I didn’t realise how many comments I had in my ‘pending approval’ I’m sorry!

 

I only realised last night, how many comments I had in my ‘pending approval’ and they are from many months back some of them.

I am so sorry, if it appeared I was ignoring you. I do struggle to keep up with every comment made, as I have multiple social media accounts too. But, I have not intended to appear to ignore anyone.

But, I do truly appreciate everyone’s input here.


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Shame and guilt, still issues. But, at least I know.

I think I have hit the nail on the head tonight.

Shame and guilt, which are huge issues for all complex trauma survivors.

I still have them, which probably adds to my ongoing nightmares, depression and then in turn PTSD issues and emotional flashbacks.

This is another of those ‘I can explain it all intellectually’, but I can’t feel it in my heart and soul’ issues.

I’m too tired and too emotional to write anymore about that.

I’m waiting for my husband to go to work, so I drink beer.

I am going to have to say in counselling that I can’t deal with current stuff, I need to deal with this past stuff, or it is never going to get dealt with.

No more talking about Tony Abbott, or internet trolls, or churches, or the state of society etc.

Deal with the real issues screwing my life up.


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Not following the Rolf Harris court case. I have shame about not reporting a paedophile.

I follow all the news about (alleged) paedophiles/child sex offenders, that end up convicted ones like Robert Hughes, Max Clifford, Daniel Morcombe’s killer.

But, I just can’t do it anymore. Well not at the moment.

My head fills with all this pain for their victims and my heart hurts for them, deeply.

It brings back too many memories of dealing with paedophile sexual abuse myself.

I feel guilty, because these victims need supporting.

I think some of my guilt, is because I didn’t report the paedophile who abused me and my sister. I should have. I could have stopped him hurting other children. He’s dead now, he died not long before I moved out of the country.

I had 15 years, between the age of 20, to 35, to go to the police and I didn’t, because I was trying so hard to suppress it all.

I wish I had reported him. I have asked God for forgiveness, because I know, I should of. I know as a child, it wasn’t my responsibility, but as an adult, I should have.

I know I feel shame about this, because I have nightmares about it.

I’m angry and disappointed at myself. I wish I could go back and change it. I wonder how many other children got hurt, because I failed to step up and report him officially.

I feel like I let other children down.

And I feel like not supporting other victims, who do have the courage to step up and report their abusers, means I am failing them too.

I am thankful there are some incredibly strong, courageous victims, who do report their abusers, to try and make life safer for other children. they are hero’s and I support them 100%.

I know I failed badly in this myself and I don’t make excuses for my failures. And I have remorse. I should have done something.


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The highest death rate amongst child bearing age women in Nepal, is from suicide.

 

Well, having done some research today, on Nepal’s severe poverty, lack of health and so much that is so terrible, including the high rates of severe mental health issues, like psychosis, and suicide, I feel like such a pathetic whinger.

Suicide is the largest cause of death amongst child bearing age women, in Nepal. I am not surprised, after reading all I have.

Many women, will be facing massive trauma, watching their child suffer and die, severe poverty, lack of health services, lack of mental health services, no money for medications etc.

And here I am whinging about my mental health issues, whilst I sit on my comfortable lounge, typing on my laptop, listening to my children playing in our pool. A fridge and cupboards full of food, a good roof over our heads, a public health system, and mental health services which we can afford, even though we have to go without….luxuries.

I have these overwhelming surges of feeling ashamed of how I whinge and complain.

I can barely cope, and I have so much, that these poor people don’t.

And they probably whinge less than me. Continue reading


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I am now everything, I never wanted to be.

women-black-and-white-monochrome-crying

Throughout my adult life, I have always been strong, always highly functioning, always worked, always had a life. Not a perfect one, and I’ve made a lot of bad choices, but I always made life everything I could, with what I had at the time.

And as I learned more, I did better. I’ve always wanted to do better. Be a better person.

One thing remained very strong within me – I was never going to let what anyone else had done to me, stop me from living, or ruin my life. I never used my past, as an excuse, never complained about it, I rarely even spoke to my husband about it. He had no clue, my past was as bad as it was, although he knew the bare minimum, and he knew my mother and sisters were very screwed up. But, like everyone, he knew I was ‘different’, but believed I was so strong and had put all that past stuff behind me.

Just like society tells you to. Just like I had to – because I had no support.

So, I worked hard, played hard, did everything to the best of my ability. I am an all or nothing girl, who when something is important – I give it everything I have.

And I never let my past – win. Or so I thought. I had lots of friends, a social life, I loved talking, chatting, helping people. I loved fun and living life to the full, wherever I could. Continue reading