Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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The Continuum – The Way Survivors Think About Abusers ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

lonely-woman

 

It’s interesting to me – to see the survivors on either end of the continuum – as to their thinking about abusers.

On one end, are the survivors who think that being ‘so’ compassionate about abusers, making excuses for them, minimizing their heinous nature, invalidating the harm they intentionally cause…..

And then on the other end…. are the survivors who are full of anger (sometimes suppressed but still evident), rage, they hate abusers with such fury they want them to be suffering back, they want them to burn in hell and fantasise about retribution and God throwing them into hell, or their karma coming back in another life and making them suffer terribly.

Both of these, are ways people cope.

Both of these are places I truly hope people do not stay in, because they are not good places to be, all your life.

And the people at these ends of the continuum do not give healthy advice to others.

Me, I’m in the middle.

I don’t make excuses for abusers. I don’t delude myself that I am ‘compassionate to abusers’ – simply because I can’t handle the truth. I deal with the truth. And then to protect their unhealthy thinking, they demand others see it their way too. And sometimes, they have a sense of superiority over others, who they deem not to be as ‘compassionate’ as they delude themselves into believing about themselves.

I don’t have in me, to hate people into suffering back. I don’t want anyone to suffer. Be in prison to stop someone re-offending, exposing sociopaths for the heinous predators they are to protect people – is wisdom, but in my case, not from a place of revenge, or hate. And it makes me sad to think some survivors will be in this place of anger and hurt, all their lives.

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I’m Glad To Have Finally Decided To Create An Ebook – I Can Promote Via All My Platforms ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have deliberated over how to publish my book and I’ve settled on an PDF ebook, I can promote via all my social media, this Blog and my Website.

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I considered doing it via Amazon, and I see the advantages of it being promoted on a big audience, but I also see the drawbacks other authors have encountered, of dealing with reviews, dealing with trolls leaving bad reviews, when they haven’t even read the book.

I haven’t got time to deal with that crap. I don’t have the time or the motivation, to deal with negative stuff. And I don’t need my book to become a ‘best seller’ – I just want it to reach the people who need it. I just want to know it made a difference for people. And I could always re-publish it again in the future.

My Website has a lot of traffic and I could pay to have the SEO etc increased.

This Blog – has a of traffic.

And that is all enough for me. I know the book will reach those who need it.

SOOOOO glad I have finally made this decision. Continue reading


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The New (C)Age Movement Is Not About Healing, As Per Jeff Brown

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Jeff Brown – who is on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/SOULSHAPING/ has the same insight as I do, but he often can write it in a far better way, than I can.

I appreciate Jeff Brown so much. He truly is someone who wants people to heal. His integrity and capacity for rational thinking, is rare, but so vital.

 


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Growth & Healing Continue ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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It’s good to have feedback from my counsellor, as to where I’m at. We’ve had an up and down therapy relationship, but we’ve both learned and grown from each other.

I know I am at a place, where it feels like a ‘safe enough’ relationship, which is pretty huge for a complex trauma survivor.

Yesterday, I noted my counsellor talking about giving myself the grace to not be perfect. So, I asked for clarification on this. She confirmed I do set high standards for myself – which I think is good. I see clearly the harm caused by people who seem to think it’s okay to set low standards for their behaviours. But, I need to mindful of not expecting so much of myself, that it is harmful.

She also confirmed I am ‘mostly’ caring for myself – which indicates to me that she feels I have more work to do on this. And that’s okay, because I know I will be a work in progress all my life.

I am aware wisdom knows – we should always be learning and improving. And that mostly needs to be about ourselves. Transformation of self, is how we heal.

And she confirmed I am more aware of my boundaries, how I care for others, and that I give myself time to think and talk about issues, or something I am processing.

Something I have realised myself, is I am far less ‘anxiety/fear/shame’ based now. And that is proof of my healing. I am also not angry anymore. I did need to feel anger, as part of healing and grieving, but I don’t feel that anymore.

I also know I am at a place now, where other people’s issues, no longer affect me. I wish no-one any harm, but I also know – I do not have to tolerate anyone else’s issues. I don’t internalise other people’s issues. And that is huge for a complex trauma survivor.

I’m very aware of the growth and maturity that comes from being able to honestly self reflect and the capacity to choose to change.   Continue reading


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Healing & Grieving Complex Trauma, Child Abuse, Severe Abuse – Does Not Feel ‘Positive’ At The Start ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

alone all my life

 

Something I have learned over the last 5 years, is healing complex trauma & child abuse – is really painful.

And this is why a lot of people don’t heal. They understandably don’t want to face the truth. It’s easier to suppress, avoid, excuse, justify, put a good spin on it.

But, while I know that is easier (I did it as well throughout my entire 20’s and 30’s) – I also know you do not heal, unless you confront it all.

Facing the truth about my childhood, has nearly killed me. The depths of emotional pain and distress I have felt, is horrific.

It feels incredibly cruel – to have to endure all the abuse…….. and then have to process it all decades later. But, that was the only way to heal.

When you don’t confront it all, or you cope with avoidance, suppression etc – it will continue to affect your life in many ways. Ways many don’t even understand.

Processing abuse – which is confronting the reality of it all., figuring out all the ways it affects us – is painful and does not in any way ‘feel positive’.

But, where it is heading, is positive.

I remember a few years ago, being really upset with my counsellor. I told her I was not okay with coming to therapy, and feeling worse than when I went in. I remember feeling really pissed off, that I was feeling worse and worse. I remember her saying to me “why do you think you should feel better when you come here?” I remember feeling really hurt that she somehow ‘wanted’ me to feel worse. She didn’t want me to feel worse, she knew this process was painful. She knew I had a lot more processing to go.

So, now I get it. Processing, grieving – hurts.

It hurts to have to face all the ways the abuse affected us. I had to face my own unhealthy beliefs, my own unhealthy ways of coping. I had to face my own distorted thinking. I had to start to process all my abusers intentionally abused me. And it really f****** hurt.

So yeah, my counsellor knew more than I realised back then. And I will tell her that when I see her. Because I can admit when I was wrong, and she was right. Continue reading