Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Healing Is About Transformation Of Self, Not Putting On A Persona Or Identity ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Healing is about transformation of self.
That requires us to honesty look at ourselves, our thinking, our behaviours and see how trauma has affected us.
Healing is not about putting on some ‘strong warrior survivor’ identity or persona.
Healing is about getting really real with self, and what needs to change. And continually persisting in making the changes needed, to move towards a better life. With lots of self compassion and patience, along the way. Continue reading


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8 Ways For Complex Trauma Survivors To Build Self Esteem & Self Care ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Complex trauma is ongoing and/or repeated interpersonal trauma/abuse, caused with a captivity environment, where there is no perceived way to escape.

If this is endured within childhood, the child often fails to learn self care, appropriate boundaries and fails to develop a healthy self esteem.

For adults enduring complex trauma e.g. domestic violence- the self esteem and capacity for self care the survivor may have previously had – can be slowly destroyed, reduced and can become almost non existent.


Self esteem and self care are linked. They both lead to an increase in self worth, which complex trauma survivors can have a lack of.

The following is 8 ways a survivor can start to build, or re-build healthy self esteem, self care.

1. Know The Abuse Was Never Deserved

A survivor of complex trauma, often feels the abuse they endured, was in some way their fault. The perpetrators of the abuse often tell the survivor it is their fault, as a way of shifting blame to the victim. And this is another layer of the trauma endured.

It is needed to know – the victim was never at fault, the abuse was never deserved, nothing the victim did or did not do – means they are at fault, in any way.

The responsibility for the abuse was always 100% the perpetrators.

The accountability for the perpetrators actions, lies 100% with the perpetrator.

No-one should be blaming, shaming or shifting shame, about abuse. Including the survivor.

Part of healing is to come to understand this.

2. Self Talk About What A Survivor Does Deserve

Once a survivor fully understands they did not ever deserve to be abused, they can begin to have the self talk needed, as to what they do deserve. And always deserved.

A survivor deserves to be treated with dignity, respect, care, kindness and compassion. And they always did deserve this. The fact that someone abused them, does not in any way mean they deserved to be abused or mistreated.

Developing this positive self talk, takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes times to re-wire belief systems and the way we talk to ourselves.

This is vital, for the healing to begin.

3. Understand Healthy Emotional Boundaries

During complex trauma/ongoing abuse, appropriate boundaries are trampled over, by the perpetrator. This includes emotional and physical boundaries.

If the survivor was abused in childhood, often the child does not learn appropriate and healthy boundaries, as they were never modelled. Learning healthy boundaries, can be a difficult step, but it is possible. Continue reading


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My Counsellor Confirmed I Am Now A Healthy Empath ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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This week in counselling, my counsellor raised the discussion of me being an empath. She told me she was always concerned about me saying this previously, because I used to take the hurt and harm other people throw my way, and internalize this, which is not healthy.

Now, because my capacity to ignore fake people, trolls, toxic people and harmful people is so much stronger, she is okay with using the term ’empath’ to describe my intrinsic capacity for empathy for others.

I do understand her concern about my lack of boundaries, my lack of ability to deal with toxicity in the past. It certainly has caused me a lot of trauma, stress, anxiety and hurt. But, I have developed the skills needed, to be a healthy empath. I can totally see why she did not want to encourage this ’empath with no boundaries’ in the past. And she was right not to encourage that.

I realise how vital it was, that I develop greater skills and boundaries to protect myself from harm. And she is really happy to see that I no longer internalise other people’s issues. I can stop, step back and realise other people’s issues – are ‘their’ issues and whilst I understand they have issues, I am not their emotional punching bag, to vent their issues onto. And my capacity to discern fake people, narcissistic people and non genuine people, is a gift, that I no longer ignore.

I also know now, I am not responsible for anyone else’s issues, at all. I am not anyone’s therapist, and I am not a door mat for any more harm. I do not react back, and I just put them at a healthy distance, hope they can deal with their issues at some point in their life, and leave them to that. That is ‘their’ journey, not mine.

This truly shows a lot of healing and I am glad to have come to this point. Continue reading


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A Zen Master Explains Why “Positive Thinking” Is Terrible Advice (Because It’s Dishonest & Irrational)

https://simplecapacity.com/2017/05/a-zen-master-explains-why-positive-thinking-is-terrible-advice/

I love it when spiritual people actually have a depth of thinking, that sees through the BS and ‘gets it’.


From the article…

“The philosophy of positive thinking means being untruthful; it means being dishonest. It means seeing a certain thing and yet denying what you have seen; it means deceiving yourself and others.”

“Positive thinking is the only bullshit philosophy that America has contributed to human thought – nothing else. Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, and the Christian priest, Vincent Peale – all these people have filled the whole American mind with this absolutely absurd idea of a positive philosophy.

And it appeals particularly to mediocre minds…

The negative is as much part of life as the positive. They balance each other.”

“You ask me: Am I against positive philosophy? Yes, because I am also against negative philosophy.

I have to be against both because both choose only half the fact, and both try to ignore the other half. Continue reading


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So glad to see Jeff Brown understands Eckhart Tolle is harmful, not helpful.

I often feel like an alien on this planet. I see and understand things most people don’t.

I am always so glad to read Jeff Brown’s posts and comments.

Today I saw this comment from Jeff, in response to someone on his page commenting about Eckhart Tolle.

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Thank God for people like Jeff Brown. Thank God he also has the discernment to know fake and false ‘teachers’.

Jeff makes me feel like I am not an alien. I am not totally alone. There are souls out there, who see and understand human emotions and human behaviour – on a much deeper level. As I do. Continue reading


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Received a copy of Shahida Arabi’s best selling book, that features some of my work :)

Shahia Arabi is the best selling author of books about recovering from toxic abuse caused by abusers – such as narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths.

Shahida kindly asked me if I wanted to contribute to her second book and also requested to add another article of mine. I am deeply thankful to Shahida to include the articles and links to my sites and social media. (My articles are on pages 193-197).

I am also so touched of her dedication at the beginning of the book. It has been and continues to be an honour to support Shahida and others, in their journeys to healing and in reaching out to others.

This is Shahida’s best selling book –

which I have recommended on my Website.

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This is the lovely dedication

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I consider Shahida a friend, even though we have not met. I love her compassion, her drive and her desire to reach out, help and educate others, and give survivors of toxic abuse – the hope needed through the healing journey.

I highly recommend this book – it has everything in it anyone could want to know – including a lot of advice about healing. Continue reading


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Focussing on building the life I always deserved ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I’ve not been having the best few weeks, with my counselling ending so badly, plus other issues in my life I have to endure for some time yet.

I have a ladies group I have been running now for a year and it going so well. At my last ladies group we had such a lovely time. It was our Christmas get-together, we had a secret Santa, and I brought decorations and decorated the table – which the ladies thought was lovely.

Today, was our last meet before Christmas, and the ladies were just delightful to be with. Some ladies have some personal issues and we talk about that. But, we also have chat about nice things too and have some giggles.

I really feel like I can be myself around the ladies. I joke a bit and they like that – it always makes them laugh. I can also be the kooky person I am, and they are accepting of that. They know I have had a ‘difficult’ childhood, but I haven’t elaborated on that. And I don’t intend to, because I can’t handle anymore hurt and rejection about my trauma history.

I am happy to just focus on other things about my life to talk about. They are very encouraging of my photography career and ask me questions and are interested. Which is nice because no-one has ever really been interested in what I do, other than to put me down.

So, it’s nice to have genuine encouragement and I am appreciative of that. I’m looking forward to catching up with them in the new year. Continue reading