Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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So glad to see Jeff Brown understands Eckhart Tolle is harmful, not helpful.

I often feel like an alien on this planet. I see and understand things most people don’t.

I am always so glad to read Jeff Brown’s posts and comments.

Today I saw this comment from Jeff, in response to someone on his page commenting about Eckhart Tolle.

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Thank God for people like Jeff Brown. Thank God he also has the discernment to know fake and false ‘teachers’.

Jeff makes me feel like I am not an alien. I am not totally alone. There are souls out there, who see and understand human emotions and human behaviour – on a much deeper level. As I do. Continue reading


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Received a copy of Shahida Arabi’s best selling book, that features some of my work :)

Shahia Arabi is the best selling author of books about recovering from toxic abuse caused by abusers – such as narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths.

Shahida kindly asked me if I wanted to contribute to her second book and also requested to add another article of mine. I am deeply thankful to Shahida to include the articles and links to my sites and social media. (My articles are on pages 193-197).

I am also so touched of her dedication at the beginning of the book. It has been and continues to be an honour to support Shahida and others, in their journeys to healing and in reaching out to others.

This is Shahida’s best selling book –

which I have recommended on my Website.

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This is the lovely dedication

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I consider Shahida a friend, even though we have not met. I love her compassion, her drive and her desire to reach out, help and educate others, and give survivors of toxic abuse – the hope needed through the healing journey.

I highly recommend this book – it has everything in it anyone could want to know – including a lot of advice about healing. Continue reading


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Focussing on building the life I always deserved ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I’ve not been having the best few weeks, with my counselling ending so badly, plus other issues in my life I have to endure for some time yet.

I have a ladies group I have been running now for a year and it going so well. At my last ladies group we had such a lovely time. It was our Christmas get-together, we had a secret Santa, and I brought decorations and decorated the table – which the ladies thought was lovely.

Today, was our last meet before Christmas, and the ladies were just delightful to be with. Some ladies have some personal issues and we talk about that. But, we also have chat about nice things too and have some giggles.

I really feel like I can be myself around the ladies. I joke a bit and they like that – it always makes them laugh. I can also be the kooky person I am, and they are accepting of that. They know I have had a ‘difficult’ childhood, but I haven’t elaborated on that. And I don’t intend to, because I can’t handle anymore hurt and rejection about my trauma history.

I am happy to just focus on other things about my life to talk about. They are very encouraging of my photography career and ask me questions and are interested. Which is nice because no-one has ever really been interested in what I do, other than to put me down.

So, it’s nice to have genuine encouragement and I am appreciative of that. I’m looking forward to catching up with them in the new year. Continue reading


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Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too ~ Jeff Brown

“Make no mistake.

Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too.

They too are channeling their unresolved material in your direction. They too are denying your value and trivializing your suffering.

Many who preach forgiveness are merely bypassing their own unprocessed victimhood.

Trauma survivors in denial, they need you to artificially forgive, so that they can turn off the tap of their own remembrance.

If they can jump you to premature-forgiveness, they no longer have to see the reflection of their own unprocessed pain in you.

It’s the most dangerous game of all- to invite forgiveness of other, before a victim has been truly seen in their woundedness, before (s)he has truly moved through an organic process.

If you have been wounded, you have been wounded. It’s that simple. And you won’t heal it, and the world won’t evolve beyond its hurtful ways, if we sweep that truth under a bushel of forgiveness.

The heal is for real.”
~ JEFF BROWN


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Surround yourself with good people ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I no longer choose to be around people who don’t want the best for me.

I have no issue with removing people from my life who have non genuine motivations.

I have no desire to be around those who use and abuse others.

I no longer feel the need to give any attention to those who criticise me, put me down, mock, scorn, ridicule, invalidate or any other toxic behaviours.

I have no feeling of responsibility for toxic people.

And what is even better – is I have no desire to even think about these people, what their issues are, or why they are behaving the way they do.

Those days are over.

I don’t care to give them any attention, any longer.

I choose now, to only surround myself with good people who are genuine, have good motivations and want the best for others.

Who I associate with, connect with, spend time with, give my energy to, allow into my inner circle …. will be a reflection of all I always deserved – good people. Continue reading


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I will be starting 2017, with no faith & no counsellor. And yet, I am looking forward to it ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2017, will be an interesting year. It is certainly not going to start the way I assumed it would. But, that’s life – you cannot predict what will happen. You can only accept what comes and have the resilience to withstand it and make the best of it.

I have made no secret of my faith issues. I am at a point, where I cannot think about it anymore, because it’s too painful. There is no resolving of the issues I feel. So, for now, I am avoiding thinking about it.

My counselling, has ended in a sad way, but….. I am great believer in people revealing who they truly are, in time. And I don’t need counselling anymore.

2017, will be a year – where I learn how to become a professional photographer, get m book finished and published. That’s a lot for me, and will take me out of my current comfort zone.

But, if there’s one thing I am – beyond any doubt – is a survivor. I am stronger now, than I have been over the last 5 years. My resilience levels are stronger. My boundaries are safer and my self esteem is higher, than ever before.

I know I will become a good photographer. I already have a blog, with over 500 views in less than a week, and professional photographers encouraging my work. And I don’t even know what I am doing yet. I am simply relying on the quality of the camera at the moment. Continue reading


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Not sure if this is a part of healing, or I’ve just full circled back to avoidance and distraction ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Over the last 5 years, I have done a lot of processing of a lot of trauma. And it’s been more painful than I can ever express. Processing child sexual abuse, abuse from sociopaths/psychopaths, rape, absolute captivity abuse, severe emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse……. and decades of it, is not fun.

It’s horrendous.

It’s nearly killed me to have to confront it all.

There are things I feel I will never be okay with. The abuse from my mother. The child sexual abuse. They truly are soul murder.

I feel like a part of me died in my childhood and will never be okay. You can’t heal, what’s died.

Now, I am at a place where there are things I will never be at peace with. I know myself too well and I will never be okay with the depths of betrayal I feel. And this includes my faith based abandonment and betrayal issues.

Now, I don’t know if I am just suppressing the emotions of it all. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to hear I ‘should’ be doing better. I don’t want to hear I am wrong. I don’t want to hear my truth is somehow not what I should be feeling.

I’ve quit counselling and I no longer want to discuss any of it. I don’t want to go over the same stuff, the same un-answered questions, the issues that never have a good explanation. And feel the pain burning into my soul each time there is no answer, that isn’t painful.

I’m re-writing my book, to remove these issues I still have – because I am not ever going to say I am okay with something, that I am not at okay with. I have too much integrity for that. And I cannot pretend.

I feel like I am at this place where all I have left – is to avoid thinking about it. Avoid discussing it. And to fill my life with other things that act as a distraction.

I don’t know if this is where all people go to, at a certain part of healing. Where you make a conscious choice to avoid thinking about all the trauma. But, it’s where I’m at. And it feels awfully like where I was prior to the last 5 years. Avoidance, distraction.

It doesn’t feel like how I assumed it would feel when I was ‘moving on’ from the trauma processing and grieving. It feels emotion-less. But, not a place of peace.

Maybe I assumed there would be peace – and that was a stupid assumption?

Maybe I am simply back to where I was 6 years ago – and the last 5 years have been an agonising, painful, terrible waste of time? Continue reading