Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

1 Comment

Taking a warm bath, when already have hives = very silly idea, duh!

I woke up this morning with anxiety, PTSD symptoms up, so I know it was nightmares, brain trying to process trauma etc. And I had hives immediately and they remained all day, but not many – just on my wrists.

They had pretty much gone by early evening.

So, I decided to take a bath, a nice warm bath, with bubbles, relax, good self care….

When I got out I could feel the tingling all up my arms and on my legs. Yup, the hives had spread all up my arms, on my legs, all up my neck and on my face.

And they itch like #$%&!!! :-O

Clearly heat, makes them worse and makes them spread.

A lot!!

So, this was not one of my finest moments of intellect lol!

Good job I now have anti-histamines.

Nightmare, I can’t remember, but symptoms and hives are there.

Had a nightmare last night, I know because I woke up feeling fear, anxiety and although I can’t remember what it was about, I know my symptoms well enough to know what’s happening.

I have hives all up my arms, and I am sat in my home, my safe place.

My subconscious mind, deep memory and my PTSD knows when something is wrong – even when I can’t consciously know what is happening.

Hard to explain to people, but I know what’s happening.

When I am feeling fear, stress, anxiety and have hives, that is not rational for my current situation – like sat in my home – I know it’s PTSD, memory, trauma related.

It happens quite a lot.

So, I’m just taking it easy, husband is watching a DVD with the kids and I am doing my usual trauma response of freeze/fawn – absorbing myself in music and my laptop, providing info and support to others, distracting myself from the emotions going on within me.

I understand trauma responses and PTSD, well.


Bike ride, ocean, fun, silly selfies, coffee…..oh and yes, the damn hives…. :)

Today, I mustered up the energy to get out on my bike, so hubby and I went out, to a place where we could cycle easily, alongside the ocean.

It was a beautiful winter day, still warm, blue sky, ocean, fresh air…..lovely! 🙂

Of course, the hives were there, they are 95% of the time I go out of my house now, but the good part was, because I am not totally confident cycling yet, I didn’t want to let go of the handle bars, to scratch the damn things.

*Must remember to take anti-histamines before I go out again.

It was really lovely and I was really knackered! I am sooooo unfit.

We stopped for a rest….after about 20 minutes…..yes that is how unfit I am…..and decided to have a little narcissistic selfie (lol) moment and took some photos, including one of me being silly and ‘photo bombing’ a pic of my husband. It was silly, harmless fun and we enjoyed it! 😀

I unleashed my inner child and it felt good 🙂

Stopped later on…..after all 5km’s…….yes pathetic and that was all I managed……because I am soooo unfit……and had a coffee and some water.

This was our view 🙂

1 Comment

I have now come out in hives worse than ever…why? I’m okay?

Within 30 minutes of taking my Effexor this morning, which I have been taking for probably 18 months now, I came out in a huge itchy rash, all over my neck, face, shoulders, stomach. It itches like hell.

I didn’t take the other med last night, so I don’t think it’s that. When I took it the night before, I had no rash at all.

I’m not hot, I haven’t done any physical exercise, it’s cool weather, not humid, I have summer clothing on. So it’s not heat rash.

It is hives and yet I don’t understand why I have it.

I Googled Effexor side effects and it said this:

Effexor or in Detail – Patient Information: Side Effects

Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Great, so do go to emergency?

Phone my doctor?

Or do nothing and hope it goes away and nothing else happens?

Why? Why did this have to happen, I have been so happy since yesterday arvo.

I’m glad my husband is here to see it.

Sitting with cold wet towels on me now, trying to get rid of it.

But, there must be a reason I have this. This is not right, I know it isn’t. These hives are getting worse and worse and I’ve told my doctor and she didn’t seem concerned at all. But, why is it getting worse?

Bugger off hives, I said nothing was allowed to come and crap on my happy bubble.

Okay, am I fit and skinny yet? My first bike ride…

I promised my husband I would go out on my new bike today. I’ve had it since my Birthday, at the beginning of May and have yet to even sit on it.

Today, I got up and went out. I haven’t ridden a bike for a long time. The backwards peddling brake thing – took some getting used to. Was wobbling around a bit to start with, but got used to it fairly quickly.

So, we had a nice easy peddle around, which was good, as I am very unfit. In fact, the neighbours next door are in their 70’s and they are fitter than me….by far!

Was all good, until I stacked it (ouch!) at the end. Which of course, my husband found very funny. I laughed, I mean what else can you do. My butt bloody hurts though.

Now covered in hives, but, it was worth it.

Am I fit and skinny yet!!??


Guess I’ll have to do it again then.

Severe PTSD, school holidays, husband night shifts, hives & nauseous at dinnertime.

This week, my husband is on nights (he’s a cop). Not good timing when I have the boys home for the school holidays.

This is resulting in added stress, hives now daily at home, and I am nauseous by dinner time and unable to eat with my family, at 6pm. My dinner goes in the fridge and I eat it when the boys have gone to bed.

I used to love school holidays and would go out every day and have fun with the boys.

But, I am a different person now *sigh. Now, I am struggling daily, and by the late afternoon – my PTSD Cup hath well and truly runneth over!! Yes, I know this is a Bible quote, well minus the PTSD bit. I’m sure Jesus will be okay with me stealing it for blogging purposes.




C’mon – being a mother is hard enough – but PTSD, depression & agoraphobia as well!!!! So not cool.

Continue reading


Really sick of hives…having them at home now. They are getting worse.

Over the last few months, I’ve developed hives, whenever I am really stressed.

It started in February, having them when I had to do school runs, and having to see people connected to an abuser every day.

Then it progressed to having hives whenever I went out of the house, but at home – which is my safe place, I didn’t get them.

This week, I’ve started having them at home.

My children are on school holidays, which means added stress, so that’s not helped and led to hives. I also needed to talk to my husband about things he does that I realise are triggering me, and the hives were really bad.

And I’m still getting them every time I go out.

I can’t handle anxiety of any kind anymore. Just life – is now anxiety my body can’t handle, let alone my mind. Continue reading


School holidays + grumpy unwell children = anxiety rash/hives, all up my arms and legs

I usually only get the anxiety rash, when I have to go out and somewhere I don’t feel safe.

Now today, my children have caused so much stress – which is not their fault – that my anxiety rash is all up my arms and legs. And its itching like mad!!!