Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Feeling Some Strength & Hope

I drove today for the first time in about 2 months since a broke my hand. My hand is not fully healed by far, but healed enough to be able to drive safely enough.

I forced myself to go out and indulged in some retail therapy, including a gorgeous ballet unicorn plush toy. This was for my inner child, who is grieving deeply.

I bought some little treats like a face mask and a cute watch. All cheap stuff, but enough to make me feel like I was treating myself. Because I matter. I have to matter. I have children who need me. Children I cannot let down.

So this along with some great and much appreciated support I have been receiving online, has been enough for me to have a spark of hope & strength. Continue reading

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Giving Others Realistic Gentle Hope – Is Vital For Complex Trauma Survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My motivation in sharing my journey, in writing about what I process, how this complex trauma journey feels – is to give hope. Realistic, gentle hope – based in truth and reality. With lots of honesty and validation along the way.

I do write about the good, the bad and the ugly – because this complex trauma journey is not easy. It’s really painful, really exhausting and takes so much out of us. But, I believe every single complex trauma survivor deserves to heal, however long that takes.

I receive messages, emails, comments and feedback continually. Which is great, as it shows I am continually helping people in a positive and meaningful way.

This is just a few of the comments I received yesterday on my Facebook page, when posting my article published by Stigma Fighters. See here  https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/04/14/my-article-on-stigma-fighters/

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These types of messages I receive continually, really express how meaningful my work is, as an advocate.

Complex trauma survivors are in such need of hope, the gentle kind of hope that comes from insight, compassion and validation. Continue reading


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Decided To Start Yoga/Pilates – A Spark Of Hope ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I am not doing okay at the moment. My emotional and physical health, are not good and both are painful. I am exhausted and I’m dragging myself through each day.

Which is okay – I know, because I am dealing with a huge amount of stress and trauma issues, and it’s horrendous.

I wrote in my last blog post, about the unhealthy and healthy coping strategies/behaviours, I have had throughout my life. And even though I have removed some unhealthy ones, I could still do with some more healthy ways to cope.

So, in an attempt to work on this, I am going to see if I can attend the cheap fitness classes, at my local PCYC (Police Citizens Youth Clubs). They offer really cheap classes and have a range of yoga, pilates, Zumba etc classes.

I hope this can be a way forward in my coping and healing.

I’m hoping it can be a way of gaining some physical and emotional strength, which will then help me move towards my goal of training for a job and eventually a job, to gain my financial independence.

I’m so unwell, I know I will have to take it easy, and build it up. Continue reading


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Holding Onto Some Gentle Hope ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Recent events and weeks, have led to a very clear understanding of how alone I am. In terms of people physically in my life.

This aloneness, can and has caused me such fear and panic, and it leads to a downward spiral of my thoughts and mood. I have accepted this is part of having Complex PTSD and that there are very valid and severe reasons for this. No-one would come through as much trauma and abuse, without some serious consequences.

But, when I reflect on my life…. all I have survived….. the decent, empathic, caring person I am…… how I don’t wish ill on anyone….. how I am a good mother……. I know I have done pretty well at taking care of myself.

So whilst I know I am very alone, I also hold onto hope for the future, along with growing and new connections, that help alleviate the intense aloneness.

I watched a video on Facebook today, of an adult being adopted by a family. The happiness and joy made me smile. I felt so thankful this person had a family who cared about him so much, they adopted him. As an adult. I love these stories, because I know the emotions involved in feeling so abandoned and unloved. To see the joy and love, was breathtakingly beautiful.

And whilst this story was so beautiful, I also realise this won’t happen for me, and it doesn’t happen for most people who are in similar situations to myself. Which is terribly sad.

But, I also know I have been alone all my life, and I’ve survived it. And really well. So, I know I will survive anything I am currently enduring, or will endure.

It does take away the fear factor, when I remind myself – that I’ve always survived, and now I do have an online community of survivors, mental health professionals and people who have empathy. People who know the pain and understand the deep life impacting issues such prolonged and severe trauma cause.

And I have my children, who I love dearly. And they love me.

I do have more now, than I ever had as a child, or in my 20’s. It may not be the family I always desperately wanted, or a partner who cares about me in any genuine way. I don’t currently have professional support. But, I do have love in my life and I do have myself. And I do have people I can reach out to – who do understand and have empathy.

I also don’t rule out anything the future may bring. I don’t hold onto any desperate fantasy of finding a family, but a more realistic hope for connections with decent people and hope of friendships I am building slowly.

I’ve decided 2017, needs to be a year of hope. Emotions and grieving too….. but Continue reading


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Don’t give up.

pain of recovery

I was sent this, by a beautiful soul, who is training to be a complex trauma therapist and is also a survivor.

I think it is true. The pain of recovery & healing is harder, than the injuries. And I have a lot of deep injuries, caused over decades. So the journey will be hard, will be painful and will take time.

But, I have to hold onto hope, Continue reading