It’s never far away…

This morning was going well. In fact, the last few weeks have been going pretty well. But, then a few painful realities hit, and it changes everything.

It’s amazing how you can feel so many emotions in one day. From happiness, feeling good, feeling hopeful….. to the exact opposite. All within a period of hours.

Those painful emotions of grieving, sadness, hopelessness, terminal aloneness …. are never far away.

 

 

The terminal aloneness, is easily triggered.

It doesn’t take much, to trigger some of the more pervasive and chronic issues of Complex PTSD.

I’ve felt terminally alone, all my life. I still battle it.

My doctor/counsellor is away for a month. Ongoing personal issues flare up. I have no-one I trust, to talk to.

So the aloneness, the hopelessness, the despair sets in.

You can be doing okay for a little while, and then a few things occur, and you feel right back to the depths of despair you felt when in the midst of the worst trauma.

I wish I could fast-forward the rest of my life. I wish I could

The weight of this sadness, is crushing my heart and soul.

Read more about Pete Walkers insight into depression and why it is NOT shameful, after childhood complex trauma.

When you realise, you no longer have any hope…

Having no hope left, is the most painful and lonely place to be.