Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


No, I don’t want paedophiles, rapists, sex offenders etc, to be beaten up, abused back.

I spend a lot of time analysing my thoughts. Because, I never want them to be irrational, unreasonable, or affected by my past severe trauma history.

I have strong views on society and Christianity doing so much harm by ‘perpetrator protecting’, as I clearly see it does. And I see clearly how this enables and encourages abuse to keep increasing. I don’t like this and I know it is wrong. And I see so many of the reasons why this occurs and none of it is wisdom.

Some people I disagree with about their views, will have the reasons why they believe I am wrong. But, I do not have an unreasonable view of how abusive people should be treated.

I read an article about paedophiles being beaten up in prison. My immediate reaction was to feel how wrong this is. The thought of any ‘human being’, being beaten up physically like this, makes me sad. Now this would apply to anyone. Including about my own abusers.

I don’t believe in abusing people back, or repaying evil with evil. To me, that makes everyone as bad as each other. And I’ve never believed in this being okay. Continue reading

Overwhelmed at how much harm goes on in this world. I hate it.

Just when I think I have seen enough harm and abuse in this world, more happens and I feel just as shocked, just as outraged and then as always that is inwardly processed into deep pain within me.

Humanity disgusts me on the whole.

People are inherently selfish, self serving, weak, dishonest and shallow and have no concept of their issues.

I hate it.

I hate the harm it causes.

I hate the lies.

I hate the abuse.

I hate the harm.

I hate the lack of conscience.

I hate the lack of remorse.

I hate the lack of empathy.

I hate the entitlement people have to harm others. Continue reading

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Am I too hard on people, or are most people capable of more…?

Having processed my level of wisdom is beyond my years and this is why I feel very different to so many people around me, and see so much harm, abuse, unhealthy focusses and society travelling in the wrong direction…

I want others to know and see there is more to life, there are people who need help and society is immature and increasingly so.

I read that the level of maturity people are meant to reach at 30, most now don’t reach until 50, and the level meant to be reached at 50, most never reach.

And I see many reasons why.

My heart is that I do not want this for anyone, for society. I don’t want this harm it’s causing, I want people to learn what I have. I want to people to have less of all I see in life that is not of virtue.

But, am I asking too much of people? Continue reading

It is such an immature mind, that only wants to ‘focus on the good in people’.

Society loves to promote so many unhealthy ways to think.

‘Focus on the good”
‘A beautiful mind only looks for the good in others’
‘Don’t talk about people faults, instead encourage their strengths’
“Always expect good to happen’
And many more like this.

Hardly reality is it.

This is very immature and all about giving yourself an easy life. There is good and bad in all of us. And neither should be ignored.

Yes, it is ‘reality’ that some people do have considerable more bad in them and do terrible things to other people. So, is it okay to avoid, ignore this. No, because that is enabling them.

I’m not ever promoting that we hate people. But ‘ignore the bad in people?’ Really!? That is not the way to help people to be healthy, by avoiding the bad in people.

That is just apathy and choosing an easy path for yourself, and both of these are rife within society. Continue reading

My own personal facebook, is now just an extension of my work.

I don’t treat my own personal Facebook account, as anything more than an extension of my work now. My real friends, are not on my personal Facebook.

They are just people I know/knew, some of whom I keep in contact with, because I do like them, a few I care about.

But, in no way are any of them, people I consider to be real friends, or people I can have real conversations with, about worthy issues, about things of value.

I have never surrounded myself with people, who are like I am. I’ve always had people in my life who are just your average, non insightful, fairly shallow, egocentric people, self serving, society following poeple. Who care only about themselves.

That is changing.

But, I won’t be adding any of my new friends I have things in common with, to my ‘old’ personal Facebook.

My personal Facebook, represents my old life.

The life I had, prior to ‘waking up’.

And I see so clearly how they are all still ‘asleep’.

Doesn’t mean I dislike them, or think they are bad people, but I have absolutely nothing in common with them.

And that’s okay, because it is their issues, to remain asleep, and it was my choice and my courage, to wake up, so I don’t feel remotely guilty, in stating any of this.

And I do deserve people in my life, who I can relate to and have virtues, in common with.

Why this is the perfect quote for me…I must be a mermaid..

This is the perfect quote for me. I am completely unafraid to delve into my own depths of my own soul, and have done, all the good, bad and ugly. I see very clearly the good, bad and ugly in society.

I don’t ‘do’ shallow, in anything in life. I do most things to a really deep level, thinking, processing, honesty, love, fear, emotions, wisdom…etc.

But, there a few things I don’t do, trust, believe in humanity being good. I have seen too much, endured too much, know human behaviour too well, to ever trust, or be fooled into believing humanity is good.

I try to build trust in people. And then usually something happens, a person’s human behaviour becomes revealed, and it scares the shit out of me, and I retreat.

I usually know when someone is avoiding something. I know my doctor is avoiding speaking to me about something really important to me, so I am guessing it is bad news and something that I will feel bad about. I’ve picked up on things, put them together, including what subject I brought up, that quickly led to our session being ended, with the reason given that ‘other people were waiting’. There was no-one waiting in the reception area.

I hate it when people treat me like I am stupid. I’m not. Continue reading

I think I need to develop some ‘I don’t care, not my problem, is it’

I don’t have this capacity to switch off my conscience, my empathy, my sense of needing to deal with things fully, when other people are being harmed.

I know most other people do, and it’s selfish, apathy and self serving.

Some people will wrap it up with pretty bow, and call it boundaries, or compassion, or grace. Which is bullshit. And very dishonest of people to suggest so.

But, maybe for my own healing, considering all I have been through, maybe I need to develop this self serving crap. To survive in this pathetically weak society I have to exist in.

Maybe I should think “I don’t care if a narcissistic, lying, manipulative, self serving, abusive man is a pastor at a church. I don’t care. I’m outta there. They can all deal with it and get lied to etc. Their problem. I’m okay, I’m safe from it all, who gives a shit if many others are being deceived…..not my problem is it”.

Maybe I should not care that abuse is increasing, and so many people are suffering and most of society doesn’t give a shit.

Maybe I shouldn’t care that millions are affected badly, but this pathetic society view, that physical health – even if self inflicted, is still a priority over mental health – which hasn’t been self inflicted. Continue reading