Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I always know which of my posters…won’t be popular. But I don’t write to be popular.

INCREASING

This poster won’t be popular.

Often I have noticed the posters people write that appeal to the ego, the inner child ego state we all have – are the popular ones.

Posters about the reality….we *all* have good, bad and ugly within us – which means we are not ‘amazing’ etc….don’t go down well.

If I wrote to be popular, to have people like me…..that would be narcissism. I accept I will have people not like me because of some of what I write. That’s okay.

I write what I believe to be the truth  because it is what I have faced within myself and I know I need to do this. I am still delving into the depths of my soul. So I share what I am doing myself, because I believe it is needed for others too.

People can choose to ignore it, think it’s crap…that’s okay. I know many will.

If it makes even one person think a little….I’ve done my job. There are people willing to face the immaturity within society and it is those people – these posters are aimed at.


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I have my ‘ego’ tested every day….and this is my response…

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I love to remind people on my pages……..I am indeed *not* awesome, amazing, incredible, wonderful….or any of those ego enhancing, unrealistic, non honest sayings people love to consider themselves.

I read these comments about myself all the time and it is lovely of people to say nice things to me, but I am aware of keepin’ it real!

I am a flawed human being – as we *all* are……..with strengths, weaknesses, good and bad, areas I need to develop, areas already very well developed.

I try to do good and sometimes I succeed.

And I have and want humility.

I am a wisdom seeker, wanting to grow to be all I can be, and I *know* this is a life long journey.

Others have more wisdom than I and I passionately seek this. Others have some different wisdom and many teach me through my journey, not even realising they are my teachers.

I am a lifelong student.

I am not better than anyone, but know I am different to many.

What I am *not* – is awesome, incredible, amazing, wonderful etc

And nor do I want to be.

Nor will I ever be.


Retaining humility, when wanting to write & publish a book.

I realise that writing and publishing a book, requires self promoting, but oh my…I do not want to turn into someone who uses ‘every’ opportunity to self promote, ‘every’ post is about ‘the book’ and develops that grandiose sense of self esteem.

I realise ‘success’ is considered by some to be about sales, no’s of books sold, pitching to publishing houses, but I don’t want to be concerned about this.

I don’t want to become obsessed and be obnoxious in the process. I don’t want to value my ‘success’ on outer value of ‘sales’, money ad all the processes of pitching to publishing houses etc. I definitely don’t want my face to become known, or become a media whore, or become well known. It’s why I use a pen name, for everything.

I’m not in this for ego. I’m in it for helping people. Sure it can be therapeutic to publish a book, it can be part of healing, but developing an ego and an inflated sense of self esteem and becoming obnoxious in my self promotion…..not for me. I want to retain humility, keep my focus on the drive – publishing a book that helps people.

I would put a book I wrote on my website and promote it through my PTSD social media accounts, but as for all the other ways to self promote, I just don’t want to be involved in all that. I already see all the perils and dangers of that. Continue reading


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I like quotes that are more real. I do have doubts, I do have failures, but I always persevere.

This was sent to me just now on Twitter, by a cherished friend.

I am honest – I do have doubts along the way. I do have failures and I do mess up. I get very depressed and lose hope sometimes. I get angry, I get sad. I feel lost and hopeless, so I identify with people who do. And I let that be known, for all those who also feel this way.

I am not all happiness and joy and positivity every day. Because I am real and honest and this journey is really hard. I am not a positivity fountain, or someone pooping butterflies and spewing rainbows. That, is not being real.

I much prefer this quote, than some of those ‘you are amazing’, ‘you are awesome’, ‘you are beautiful’ type quotes too – because quite frankly I am not. I don’t pretend I am. And I don’t trust those who do either, because that is all about ego.

 

 


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Covert victim blaming ‘You were given this life, because you are strong enough to endure it’.

I hate this kind of ongoing covert victim blaming.

Society loves it and perpetuates it continually. It is BS and further abuse.

I wrote these two posts about this on my page…

I really dislike the quote ‘you were given this life because you are strong enough to live it’.

Such BS.

This is a form of victim blaming. You are ‘strong enough’ therefore you got it all.

I was given my life – by abusers- and all the abuse in it, ‘regardless’ of whether I am strong enough to live it, or not.

Many people have lives that are too painful to endure. Many end their lives or feel suicidal, that does not mean they are not strong enough.

I wish all these covert forms of victim blaming, did not exist and were not encouraged by society.

Particularly abuse survivors themselves.

And then followed it up with..

Further to my last post about the ‘victim blaming quote’ – ‘You were given this life because you are strong enough to endure it’…

I will also add…..

I do believe ‘some’ can become stronger for it, but that does not in any way mean that is why we had to endure it.

For some, it destroys them completely.

We weren’t ‘given’ it because we are strong enough, at all.

Our abusers didn’t think to themselves ‘I’m only going to hurt her/him, because she/he is strong enough to endure it’. They didn’t care at all, if we were strong enough to endure it. In fact, some abusers wanted the abuse to destroy us.

I don’t like any forms of victim blaming and I won’t tolerate them.

Society is very unhealthy in many of it’s views about abuse and I stand up against them all.

I also dislike and will not tolerate other victim blaming such as;

– Suggesting God ‘gives’ you abuse to in some way teach you something – BS. God is pure perfect love and wants no-one to suffer. But, due to free will, people make choices for others to suffer, and God will use those situations, for His needs, with our best interests always at heart.

– Karma, Laws of Attraction, Buddhism – all forms of victim blaming to suggest you deserve it, need it, encouraged it. BS, all of it.

The blame for abuse is always and only the abusers – they made the choices to abuse. End of.

They also could have chosen, not to abuse. But they didn’t.

There needs to be people willing to speak the truth.


Maya Angelou – A very wise, inspirational woman. Who say’s…’like yourself’.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_Angelou

I have always loved many of her quotes, and her books are on my massive list of ‘to read’ when I am ready to read them.

I love this quote, which highlights something I have been dealing with recently. About liking myself, about liking what I do and how I do it.

I note, she does not say ‘love yourself’ – which to me, means ‘like’ yourself, with humility. ‘Love yourself’ to me, has that unhealthy ego connotation, many unhealthy people have, that society promotes.

I don’t go along with these completely wrong beliefs society pushes of needing to love ourselves with ego that then says we are amazing, incredible, awesome, perfect….sorry but none of us are. Those views are unhealthy and completely untrue and I have the wisdom, self honesty, insight and understanding to know so much of what society promotes, is utter rubbish.

I am learning to like myself more, without developing an unhealthy ego.

Erasing all the decades of wrong, negative and abusive things said to me and unsaid – but in the way people treated me and I also allowed myself to be treated, due to no self worth.


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Resisting the urge, to point out the obvious :)

During my last session with my doctor, she stated an activity that she had done over the weekend with her family, which was lovely and I am really happy for her and told her I though this was lovely 🙂

This activity requires money. It’s expensive. My doctor is middle class.

She talked about this activity being so good for discipline for children etc and as she talked, it was as if she was suggesting to me, that it would be great for my family…..which I’m sure it would…

Except, we are working class, on one low income, with no money for any extras, no money for luxuries of the society in which we reside, no money for expensive….anything’s.

I know she meant no harm, at all. But, I had to resist the urge to point out the obvious, that we are lower income working class, and she is wealthy middle class and I’m sure that activity would be fab for everyone, but we are not all able to access, most of what then middle classes can.
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Reflecting on the positives of my ‘work’ today :)

I rarely reflect about what I have done throughout the day, the info and support I have given to 100’s of people, each day.

But, today I did. Just to have some self esteem about what I do, why, and what I have achieved, that is good.

I also wrote it on my community page, to model how healthy self esteem, is not about minimizing our strengths – we can be okay and acknowledge them and what we achieve, but……whilst also acknowledging, owning our weaknesses and being willing to work on them.

Weak, ego people can’t do the latter. Healing people, often can’t do the former.

I wrote;

I don’t ever do this, but today I am reflecting on what I have achieved today 🙂

Today., I have posted about;

PTSD triggers.
PTSD stressors.
Self care being important.
Why apathy, stealing is not okay.
How to not accept abusive people’s opinion of us.
How to have better self esteem.
Info on healthy emotional boundaries.
Info about narcissistic abuse, sociopaths.
Info about being the child of a narc parent.
Why abuse in church’s is not okay.
Given an example of why opinions, should not always be shared.
Several encouraging quotes.
Lots of similar info on Twitter.
A post where community members could share their music.
A light hearted post.
A funny post.
Posted about different forms of abuse.
Posted about ‘all or nothing behaviours’.
Posted about dissociation.
And more.

I’d say that is a pretty well balanced list, for the ‘wholeness in healing’ approach, that I have for this page

I’d say that’s a pretty successful day, in the life of an admin who care about her community Continue reading