Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Even the Bible speaks of people failing child abuse survivors.

I just read this, on Unfundamentalist Parenting.

Tearing the Robe Twice: Christian Parenting and the Rape of Tamar


Tamar was wearing a long robe with many colors. The king’s virgin daughters wore robes like this. Tamar tore her robe of many colors and put ashes on her head. Then she put her hand on her head and began crying. Then Tamar’s brother Absalom said to her, “Have you been with your brother Amnon? Did he hurt you? Now, calm down sister. Amnon is your brother, so we will take care of this. Don’t let it upset you too much.” So Tamar did not say anything. She quietly went to live at Absalom’s house. King David heard the news and became very angry, but he did not want to say anything to upset Amnon, because he loved him since he was his firstborn son. Absalom began to hate Amnon. Absalom did not say one word, good or bad, to Amnon, but he hated him because Amnon had raped his sister Tamar.

~ 2 Samuel 13:18

As a child and survivor advocate, I find Tamar’s story to be one of the most haunting in the Bible. Along with the murder of Abel and the rape of Dinah, Tamar’s abuse shows how parents and leaders have failed to properly understand and respond to child abuse since the beginning of time.

Their actions have amplified the damage instead of fostered healing. It was Amnon who first caused Tamar to tear her robe in grief. Yet her father David and her brother Absalom cause a second tearing of the robe, by forcing Tamar into further silence and shame. Absalom later goes on a murderous rampage against Amnon, but Tamar — her story, her injustice, even her very existence — vanish from the text, as absent from future biblical narratives as they are from most sermons and pulpits today.


It shows how people have been failing child abuse survivors, forever. And it still goes on. Particularly with church people. Continue reading


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Oscar Pistorius gets not guilty for murder….another psychopath who ‘got away with it’?

Neighbour heard ‘blood curdling screams’ before the shots were fired.

Text messages showed the victim was scared of him and how he ‘snaps’ at her.

Evidence of his controlling behaviour over the now deceased.

Already committed other offences with a gun.

All hallmarks of a psychopath.

No, I wasn’t at the trial.

But, I do know how it takes very little to persuade a not guilty verdict, and expensive lawyers – often psychopaths themselves – achieve not guilty verdicts for other psychopaths all the time.

Lawyer – being the 2nd of the list of top careers psychopaths are drawn to. Judges are often psychopaths too, for this very same reason. And they can be paid off. I’m not suggesting the presiding judge in this case was. But, I’m not saying it isn’t a possibility in any case, especially the high profile, rich people, cases. Continue reading


‘Focus on a positive attitude’ – not wise advice for healing abuse survivors.

I know the ‘positivity fountains’ will be spluttering at how wrong I am…but I am not.
Focussing only on a ‘positive attitude’ is not actually wise advice, for unhealed, or healing survivors of abuse.
And my insight into this, has been validated by mental health professionals, as correct.
Unhealed wounds, never heal, if suppressed and avoided by ‘looking for the positives’.
And I know from personal experience, it only makes it worse, long term.
Lilly ❤

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Society promotes the whole ‘focus on a positive attitude’ as being the answer for anything.

Church people like to do focus on ‘count your blessings’.

Neither of these are helpful, or appropriate advice to give to people who are trying to heal severe abuse and trauma. All these do, is avoid suppress, ignore the emotions needed to process the trauma, the emotions needed to grieve. Suppression is never healthy when it comes to abuse and trauma.

How do I know this….because I did it myself for 20 years. And it made my current situation worse.

I did what society and unwise people demand – moved on, got over it, made a life, tried to never think about my past, worked hard, exercised hard, focussed on enjoying myself blah blah blah…

And all that did was suppress the deeply painful emotions and severe trauma, that needed to have been dealt with…

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I still under-estimate myself and my courage.

Having a particularly bad week, so doctor who is away, advised I see another doctor. I stated I was feeling numb and doubted I would be able to talk.

He is a nice man and happens to be the person who mediated at the mediation where I was further abused by the narc pastor. So at least I have met him, this doctor has seen them in action and knew a little about what had gone on.

I ended up being able to tell a fair bit about how I feel, and the two separate situations occurring;

(1) The current abuse situation, of spiritual/grooming about by a pastor and the subsequent lies, cover up, whitewashing, corruption by the in-house investigators and the Baptist Church, all of which had been confirmed to me, is correct, is abuse, is very wrong, not remotely Godly and I have grounds to take legal action about. And I know – they would not have lied and stated crap in that report – unless they needed to for dodgy reasons.

And then, the abuser getting promoted – which is clearly a very suspicious and dodgy move by the Baptist Church and more evidence of their abusive and non Godly actions. And my shock about this and my reasons why.

This alone being bad enough to endure, and causing huge layers of distress I feel for others who will be infected by this and sheer disgust at how so called ‘Christians’ act – which goes on far too much in Christianity. How there is no-where near enough emotional courage and spiritual integrity within churches, and within denominational hierarchy’s, to deal with these abusive people appropriately. And how I know everyone involved in this, has failed. Regardless of their reasons for justifying it.

And people abused within churches – are often treated very badly. That is common too. Continue reading


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I do my small part, as one person, to explain wrong ‘Christian’ abusive views.

I am only one person, I’m still in my own healing journey. Trying to cope with, recover from a severe trauma history.

I see so many abusive views held by too many church people. I’ve endured them and I know God wants this used to help others.

God needs His people who understand who He is, to help others.

But, I am not under any ego/illusion that I am going to ‘change the world’. I can only do what I can, and help a few people. My gift is writing, which isn’t amazing in any way, but it is honest, real, relatable, and many people clearly value it.

My experiences in life are mostly about ‘abuse’. So this is what I write about mostly and also I incorporate the abuse I know and have seen and have endured by church people.

It offends my soul, when God, Jesus’ Word is used to abuse people. It is an added layer of disgust for me and whether intentional, or not, it is evil occurring. Continue reading


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Man assaults paedophile who abused his 5 yr old, paedo gets legal aid, man loses home.

https://you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/an-englishmans-home-is-his-castle

I hate society, I really do. I do not belong here. I do not see it through rose coloured glasses like many. The more I see and know and learn, the more I just can’t deal with all the evil I see.

In what decent healthy society, does this occur – a father – who assaults a paedophile – who has been sexually abusing his 5 yr old daughter, paedophile gets legal aid, and father of abused daughter loses his home to pay the paedophiles legal costs.

Un -fucking-believable.

How the hell is that justice? How the hell is that fair? How the hell is that allowed?

The father acted the way any normal father would.

I hate the legal systems which is so clearly set up to protect criminals more than victims of crime.

I hate that sex offenders, paedophiles, rapists etc, get more help and compassion, than their victims. Continue reading


85 people, own half the worlds wealth, yet 3/4’s of the world, are suffering.

This doesn’t surprise me, but I find it absolutely abhorrent, that 85 people hold half the worlds wealth..

While three quarters of the world suffer, through lack of sufficient food, housing, health, education etc.

A huge proportion of these being children.

I find human selfishness/greed utterly disgusting, I really do.


Narcisissm & bullying epidemic, increasingly abusive & unhealthy society.

We are living in a narcissism epidemic where;

Apathy thrives

Abuse increases

Abusers are enabled

Wisdom decreases

Bullying is rife

Victim blaming increases

Fewer people care

And more and more enjoy it.

So wrong!

I refuse to join in with this sickness. I see it so clearly and I see how unhealthy society is.


Judges, magistrates found guilty of CSA, should have all their CSA cases they heard, re-opened.

I agree with this.

If I were someone who had taken a CSA – Child Sex Abuse case to court – and found out the Judge/Magistrate etc – was n fact a child sex abuser himself – I would be really pissed off.

And demand my case get heard again.

And sadly, there are more paedophile and psychopath Judges – than is known.