Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


What true inner strength looks like ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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To suffer long term ongoing severe abuse, and yet choose to be a person completely different to the perpetrator, is true inner strength.

Some of the most amazing people I have been honoured to connect with, are survivors of severe abuse and complex trauma. Yet, they are nothing like those who chose to abuse them. They have empathy, a conscience and a deep desire for no-one to suffer, as they have.

These acts of ongoing bravery – to survive such life impacting trauma and yet be good people, with beautiful character traits and heart…….. is true inner strength. Continue reading


Discussed more processing positive labels & compliments.

In counselling today, we discussed this issue I have had, of positively labelling myself courageous, brave. I feel that I have the capacity and have demonstrated enough courage and bravery, to see why people label me as such…. but struggle with these labels.

The result of this discussion…….I have demonstrated these over decades of time. To survive all I have, and take care of myself for as long as I did, is ‘enough’ to earn me these labels.

We also discussed the term ‘warrior’ and I see that can shame people and why. I do have considerable insight and reflection capacity, to see this is a label, that people can give themselves to cope. They need it as an identity. But, it also shames others, who are not seen as being ‘warriors’. Which is not okay. I don’t want to shame anyone. I don’t need that label. I am human, I struggle at times. I don’t want the burden of trying to live up to the ‘warrior’ image. I don’t need that label as my armour – to help define my self image/identity. This was confirmed as healthy.

But, the outcome of discussing all this, is I have demonstrated enough bravery, courage, inner strength, resilience, insight, honesty, empathy…. to indeed call myself those descriptions. Without any clarification needed.

My counsellor does feel my ‘not good enough’ issues due to all the childhood abuse, have played into my issues with not accepting these labels/descriptions, in full. So, it is good I worked that out too. The ‘not good enough’ is something many narcissistic parent survivors, deal with. I see how mine, have affected me.

I don’t have to have 100% perfection – every single day – in courage and bravery etc…. to be ‘good enough’ to call myself these. No-one has perfection in these. What I have already demonstrated and continue to demonstrate over decades, ‘is enough’ to earn these descriptions.

We also discussed my recent thoughts about accepting complements, why I have struggled with them and how I am now dealing with them. Which was described as more self reflection, more insight. And definitely a healthy way to view compliments now. For example, someone calling me very beautiful. I can accept graciously, that is someone’s opinion. And that is okay. It is also okay if people don’t think I’m beautiful. I’m totally okay either way, and don’t ‘need’ people to think I’m beautiful.

What was interesting, was my counsellor stating, Continue reading


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From a girl, to a (wiser) woman.

a woman

 

I’ve gone through these stages. Which are common in women who have been sexually abused as children.

Now, I am very much at the point of knowing my physical shell, is nothing more than that. My value is not determined, by my outer shell, or sexuality. I no longer need validation from others.

What is important to me now, is character, integrity, values, inner strength, virtues and heart/soul. Continue reading


I am definitely a free spirit – totally wise to society’s immature conformity issues & religious abuse/rules.

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I am definitely a free spirit……I refuse to conform to society’s immature conventions…or religious people’s abuse and rules…

I am not a mindless sheep.
And all my I have been defined by others as kooky, quirky, special, endearing, odd, different, weird, freak, not a good enough Christian….
Now, I realise that was all such a compliment and due to my inner wisdom and inner strength to see past all the immature BS and know I do not need to be a part of anything that offends and disrespects my wise old soul.

The only person I answer to, is Jesus.


Understanding the conflict within me.

A post to my new Inner Child Healing Community page @ https://www.facebook.com/healingcomplextraumainnerchild

Have you felt internally conflicted in the past?

And now realise this was your inner child within?

I have always felt conflicted, like I have different parts of me, all having different needs:

My old soul – that has always been decades ahead of my years
My 43 year old woman/wife/mother
My young inner child
My teenager inner child.

They all have different needs and emotions and I have always felt when I satisfy one, I am still internally conflicted.

Now, I am realising I do have genuine reasons for all this and it’s okay.

It does feel a relief, to finally understand all this internal conflict and how much self insight and courage it takes, to acknowledge this.

Lilly ❤

To know everyone has an inner child, hurt to varying degrees, even if they have no self insight into this, has helped me realise my capacity to have self insight and be very honest and upfront about it, further validates my inner strength and courage.
To know my inner child/teenager is very hurt, grieving, scared, needy, but also has needs to play, have fun and most of all, feel safe…is liberating.

Continue reading


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How have you not ended up in a mental asylum?

I have been asked this question many times.

I have been through a massive amount of trauma, certainly enough to no longer be here, or have been admitted to hospital. I have been told in counselling, I am a walking miracle.

I should give myself credit, that I haven’t been in hospital.

And this is not meant in any way as disrespect to anyone who has been admitted and required inpatients residential treatment. I have great compassion and non judgment for anyone’s journey.

This is simply an acknowledgment of my inner strength, to keep myself to a point of not becoming so mentally ill, that residential treatment becomes necessary.

I do believe for my journey, it has been about inner strength. I have a severe mental health disorder, that could easily decline into psychosis and losing touch with reality to a point where I need residential treatment to manage it. Continue reading