Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Validation of my intelligence is good …. but it doesn’t reduce the pain, or the aloneness.

The last couple of counselling sessions, have resulted in a lot of validation. It was stated I am far more able to clearly see my trauma history and understand toxic/unhealthy people and their motivations and issues, than at any point in my life. I am far more able to speak up about all I know, understand and express the depth of that understanding.

This has all been validated. Along with being told that I am a very intelligent woman, with a capacity to think things deeply and rationally. To a much deeper level than average. And what people cannot understand – they will reject. So rejection features a lot in my life. It’s always the default for people who don’t understand something, to reject it. Few people ‘get me’. That’s the reality I am enduring.

Also validated, was my understanding of victim shaming, victim blaming, shame shifting in all it’s many forms. Plus, why it happens, the motivations for it, and why it is so wrong. I understand people’s motivations are very often not at all what they delude themselves they are. Rarely do egocentric, selfish, narcissistic, unhealthy, irrational, character disturbed, or delusional people – ever admit their true motivations and issues. They reside within lives of delusions, fantasies, lies and irrational thinking. I understand that very clearly. And how much this occurs throughout humanity.

And I can now verbally express all this, far more easily and with considerable clarity. Which is about my healing/growth.

This includes the depth of my understanding of all the harmful people who have abused me throughout my life.  Including my husband. Who it was confirmed, is highly narcissistic, with sociopathic traits. And it was validated he comes from a highly dysfunctional, narcissistic family. It was helpful to have this validation. And that I was duped, manipulated and exploited. I was not in fact looking for an unhealthy or co-dependent relationship. I fell in love with a man who did not exist. I fell in love with a fantasy my husband (and his parents) believe about himself. Who lied from day one. And he continued on with his selfish, manipulative, deceitful and toxic ways, for 16 years. Stealing from me the right I had to find someone genuinely good/ healthy/ decent/ trustworthy, who would be a good husband and good father. Plus, the validation of how I know this man never loved me, never cared about me, and is in fact incapable of love, due to the depths of his fantasy/delusion about himself. And I’m glad my counsellor has done counselling with him, as that is further validation, based on her own therapy with him.

But, all this validation, does not take away my reality, that I am different to most people. Feeling different, is something I have always felt, and continue to feel. And it makes me feel so terribly alone. And that was validated as a very real situation I am in. It is not a ‘complex trauma irrational issue’. It is a very real issue, with very valid reasons why, which are not about anything wrong with me. But in fact, are due to deeper intelligence skills.

always an unusual

The validation of all this, is good. It helps in knowing I am correct in my thinking. But, it doesn’t take the aloneness away. Just because I understand why I am so different to most people, doesn’t make me feel less alone. Or make it less painful. In fact, it makes it worse. Continue reading

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Empathy, is the highest form of intelligence, and the least common.

empathy is the highest form of intelligence

I see so clearly how empathy is vital for complex trauma survivors. I see the harm and shame, a lack of empathy inflicts. Whether intentional or not.

I know my capacity for empathy, is unusual. But, I also know complex trauma survivors have already endured so much pain and suffering and more, can push them over the edge. And it does. The suicide rates for complex trauma survivors, are Continue reading

Einsteins Intelligence Quiz. Only top 2% IQ over 132, can answer it. I got it right.

I don’t know if this quiz really is an Einstein Quiz, or believe only top 2% could answer it, because I got it right, and found it easy. And I am no Einstein. I have no delusions as to my intelligence. Life wisdom I have, intelligence is not Einstein level.

Einstein Intelligence Quiz.

Albert Einstein said that only 2% of the people on the planet can solve it. The top 2% have an IQ of over 132. At that IQ, they can be an eminent professor or editor. This 15 year old girl said that it was very easy for her. I did not find it to be easy. But her father is a doctor in a hospital and her mother is a lawyer, so she is brilliant. It uses an ambiguous word that can have different meanings and cause people to fail to figure it out. I asked people on the internet what this word meant and got 3 different answers. They said that ‘first’ can be on left, right or either one. So I tell you what the word means in this quiz and correct the mistake that Einstein made. The first house is the one on the left side in this quiz.

Einstein wrote this quiz last century. He said that 98% of the people in the world cannot solve the quiz.

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors.
In each house lives a person with a different nationality.
These 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet.
No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar or drink the same drink.

Here’s the question: Who owns the fish?

1.The man living in the house right in the middle drinks milk

2.The Norwegian lives in the first house ( the house on the left end)

3.The Norwegian lives next to the blue house

4.The green house owner drinks coffee

5.The green house is on the left of the white house Continue reading

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It is *very* frustrating, being able to see, what others cannot.

It is frustrating when you can see through into people’s heart’s – good and bad, and pick up on all the traits that show whether someone is lying, narcissistic, manipulative, devious, non genuine etc….


And then hear what other people think and know they are being fooled.

And it is even more bloody frustrating when I know a situation is going to end badly AND NO-ONE WILL LISTEN, OR LISTENED WHEN I TOLD THEM!!!

My previous counsellor told me she knows how frustrating this is for me. It was good to have that validation. Continue reading

My doctor/counsellor said this TED speaker, reminded her, of me.

My doctor sent me this link and said this amazing survivor of abuse, reminded her of me, in the way she encourages others. This woman is also clearly very honest, very intelligent, and has a huge amount of courage to stand up and tell her story and help so many.

I don’t have schizophrenia, but we do share the challenges of being survivors of abuse, and have been affected in a way that many do not understand, do not realise does not affect high intelligence, or deep wisdom, and actually requires deep self honesty and massive courage to deal with. And we both feel compelled by compassion to help others as much as is possible, in the capacity we are able.

To be compared in any way to Eleanor though, doing all she does, being able to stand and talk in front of that massive crowd, is a huge compliment and one I do not feel worthy of, at all.

But, I also know my doctor would not have sent this link and sent the message with it, if she didn’t believe it and mean it.

It is very inspirational, to see Eleanor speak. She truly is amazing.


I no longer focus on the unhealthy, shallow, dysfunctional, abusive, average people’s opinions of me.

Now I don’t. I believe in myself.

I do see that my levels of emotional courage and integrity, my life wisdom, my capacity for insight into myself and humanity at large, is way deeper than your average person.

This doesn’t make me better than anyone, I know I’m not. It is purely because of my life and it is my courage and willingness to grow, learn, listen, educate myself and my spiritual growth occurring at the same time, which I have been told is beyond where most people’s will be.

I do see clearly how I have different strengths and weaknesses to your average person within the society I live. And I am thankful.

People have loved to put me down all my life. And I allowed this, because I believed I deserved it. I had no self worth, following decades of abuse.

That is changing. I am healing. Continue reading


Cancelling appt with psychiatrist this week.

I am aware if I talk about certain things, it will become part of my medical records.

Should I ever need legal help, due to anything – abusive, manipulative people, will use whatever I have on my medical records, against me.

I don’t intend taking that chance. It’s bad enough having PTSD on my medical records – which is little understood by so many.

I do not intend to allow my PTSD etc, to be used as scapegoat again, this has already happened by church people.

I intend being very careful from now on, what I speak about with anyone, even in counselling. I know what I am dealing with, I know why. I have deep insight and awareness of my mind and it’s high capacity to function.

I don’t trust people to do what’s right, because so few do. People use whatever they can, lie, manipulate…it’s human nature.

Paranoid – no.

Vigilant – yes.

Discernment – yes.

Wise – yes.

Insightful into humanity – yes.

Experienced into humanity – yes.

Stupid – no.

I love keeping up with neuroscience. Empathy is uncommon, but needed.


“The inescapable conclusion: it pays to care, widely and deeply.”

In short, when we work with human nature, and we take care of basic emotional needs, people perform better. Thus it’s a “no brainer” that we learn more about the brain and how to use this cutting edge science to inform the way we lead and live.

The article is worth reading.