Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


How toxic people often deal with the abuse they inflict ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


Sadly, these are also some of the attitudes of survivors of abuse too. They choose to minimize or invalidate their own trauma and other people’s trauma, to cope. And they then demand other people do the same. They can also make excuses for the abuser – to make it all feel better. Or they will demand that ‘forgiveness’ is necessary and shame other survivors, or demand ‘forgive and forget’ is the way to deal with it. They will also use phrases such as ‘let it go, move on’.

All unhealthy attitudes, that do not aid healing. So, I do advise people ignore such unhealthy attitudes. Continue reading


Why ‘The Bowen Family Systems Theory’ is a load of BS.

Quote by Murray Bowen…

“Gaining more knowledge of one’s distant families of origin can help one become aware that there are no angels and devils in a family: they were human beings, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, each reacting predictably to the emotional issue of the moment, and each doing the best they could with their own life course”.

What a load of fucking bullshit.

Clearly Murray Bowen wasn’t raised by highly abusive people. Clearly he knows nothing about narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. Or chooses to ignore it. And choses to ignore how intentional their abuse is. Continue reading

1 Comment

I am really glad I can control which comments are shown on this blog.

I write my blog and share it with others, so others feel validated and understood.

My blog is NOT a place for dismissing my journey, invalidating my emotions and thoughts, victim shaming, victim blaming,  or a place for people to troll and vent their own issues.

I don’t go to other blogs and do this, because I am a decent person, with boundaries and an understanding of what is appropriate and what is not.

If I don’t like what I see written, I will ignore it and if I feel necessary, I will write my own thoughts about the issue.

Any invalidating, unhealthy, unnecessary, nasty, trolling comments, will not be authorised.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


Invalidation. Still hurts. Deeply.

When looking for a quote today, that would help explain why invalidation is so painful, I came across my own quote. I forgot I wrote this.

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I wrote this quote a few years ago. Invalidation, has been in my life, since I can ever remember. My entire family of origin used invalidation, as psychological abuse tactic. During every period of abuse, over 44 years of my life, I have been subjected to invalidation.

Invalidation, can be minimizing, rejecting, mocking, judging, diminishing and/or Continue reading

Be prepared for those who invalidate your healing & growth.

Following my last blog post, I received great responses, including from mental health professionals. That post being about my capacity to no longer take other people’s issues, personally.

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Mark is a mental health professional, who often shares my work

and responded positively.

I’ve worked really hard on this particular issue. Having being blamed and scapegoated in truly profoundly damaging ways, I used to always assume any issue, was my fault, and I let people walk all over me as result.

Now, I don’t. I recognise other people’s issues, are theirs. And I now have the capacity to not absorb, or internalise other people’s issues.

This shows great healing, growth and maturity, in this one area alone.

Sadly, the blog post was wrongly interpreted by one person, as being about detachment from society and people. And therefore deemed to be unrealistic. This issue itself, is not about me – the negativity and invalidation projected – is about that person and their incapacity to achieve what I now am able to. Continue reading


Apparently, I need to accept all the abuse and trauma, and not wish it was less.

This was a point raised by my counsellor this week, after I attempted to explain how overwhelmed I am in trying to deal with a trauma history like mine.

I get how easy it is for others to say ‘you need to accept all you have endured, as that is your life’. Sure, I get how that seems needed. I get how for some people, those words are needed. I get how they are really easy words to voice.

If I am not at the point of being emotionally able to fully deal with my trauma history in it’s entirety, which I really don’t think I am…… hence the dissociation increasing…… then no-one gets to tell me, that is not good enough. Continue reading