Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens

knowledge speaks

Only those who have the capacity to really listen and hear…. gain wisdom.

This is why the human ego is a pesky critter. It gets in the way of growth, maturity and wisdom.

The human ego is a like a road block. Any many people stop growing emotionally in the childhood and teenage years. They don’t progress along the emotional development, maturity path.

Wisdom is only gained, through Continue reading

Why people think revenge/payback/karma, are okay?

I’ve never understood the attitude some people have – of wanting revenge, wanting abusive people abused back, wanting people to ‘get their karma’.

I don’t get that need and I know I never will. I have never had those thoughts or needs. Despite all the sick and heinous things done to me. In fact, if I read a news story about a sex offender getting raped in prison…. I don’t think that is good, okay, justified etc. I believe in prison, to stop offenders hurting more people and keeping society safer. And I believe in justice. I also believe in exposing conmen/abusers and those who harming people, so less  people will get conned/harmed/abused. But, I don’t believe in revenge, for the sake of harming someone back. I don’t take delight in knowing an offender is being abused back. I don’t understand that desire people have, of enjoying seeing people harmed. In any circumstances. Yet I see this attitude everywhere.

I don’t believe in, or need ‘karma’. I don’t do good things, to ‘get good back’. I do it, because it is the right, mature, empathic thing to do. And karma for many – means a more ‘socially acceptable’ way of saying people who harm others, will get back what they deserve. The immature ‘payback is a bitch’ attitude. I see quotes like ‘dear karma, I have a list of people you missed’. And karma does not even have a any rational basis to it. It all seems pretty childish to me.

It is quite bizarre to me, the belief systems people will cling onto with all their might, and the cognitive dissonance that occurs, when that belief system, is challenged.

I do not understand why people like seeing people hurt or embarrass themselves, and think it’s funny. It’s not funny to me.

I discussed this in counselling. It was explained to me, that the need people have for revenge/retaliation, or finding other people getting hurt – funny ….is a very primitive need – the person being stuck in emotional development at young child age.

So, when people have these attitudes that always feel so ‘childish’ to me, I am actually right. It is immature….. a very emotionally immature development level.

When people talk about ‘the best revenge is doing well’ & ‘the best revenge is being happy’ type attitudes, I just think… ‘why do you even need any revenge?’. I don’t. I don’t ‘need’ anyone to see I am doing well, knowing that will annoy/upset them.

I don’t believe revenge is justified, although I can understand thoughts of revenge due to intense anger when acts of abuse have recently occurred. But, I am referring in this blog post, of the ongoing, long term needs for revenge. The ongoing need people have for everyone to ‘get their karma’. This deeply embedded belief system, that payback, revenge, retaliation, karma…. are healthy. When this belief system, is not healthy.

I am always so glad to have the understanding I have, clarified by psychology and human development insight. It is helpful, to understand my thinking is actually healthy and Continue reading


It is okay to outgrow people.

When you are on the path of growth, wisdom/truth seeking and that inner journey, requiring courage…… it is inevitable that you will outgrow those who choose not to be on this path.

It is okay to know this is occurring, and see how little you have in common with people you were closer to, in the past.

outgrow people

Due to the changes in ourselves, when we are on this path of growth, the ones we are outgrowing, will often not be encouraging. They can feel resentful and not appreciate your different opinions, and different way of thinking.

But, we cannot let their insecurities and lack of willingness to grow, stunt our own growth journey. We cannot remain how they want us to remain, just to appease their needs. If they choose to remain where they are at and resent those who choose to grow, then that is their choice. And we do not need to feel guilty, or that it is wrong, about moving on.

I was discussing this the other day, with someone who’s relationship with another friend, had become unhealthy, due to the growing differences. There were passive aggressive issues occurring due to resentment from the friend, which is often how immature people deal with their resentment. The situation was not going to be resolved, so my friend decided there was a need to end the friendship. And sometimes, that is the choice we need to make. We do not need to feel obliged to remain in unhealthy relationships/friendships. And we do not need to walk on eggshells, to appease a fragile ego. Not when their choices, are unhealthy for our own life and journey. Continue reading


Surprised by the amount of requests to join a ladies chat group.

I’ve been considering setting up a ladies group, for meeting up for coffee and chat. I’ve considered all the potential positives and negatives. I wasn’t sure it would attract anyone requesting to join, but in less than 24 hours of the group going live, I already over 46 group members!

A friend of mine I mentioned the group to, confirmed she would like to join too. So, I already know one person.

I have to arrange a location, date and time, and go ahead and let everyone know 🙂

When setting up the group, I decided to mention the group is for mature minded people, as I want to attract mature people. It is necessary to set the tone of the type of group I am wanting to develop. Continue reading

Be prepared for those who invalidate your healing & growth.

Following my last blog post, I received great responses, including from mental health professionals. That post being about my capacity to no longer take other people’s issues, personally.

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Mark is a mental health professional, who often shares my work

and responded positively.

I’ve worked really hard on this particular issue. Having being blamed and scapegoated in truly profoundly damaging ways, I used to always assume any issue, was my fault, and I let people walk all over me as result.

Now, I don’t. I recognise other people’s issues, are theirs. And I now have the capacity to not absorb, or internalise other people’s issues.

This shows great healing, growth and maturity, in this one area alone.

Sadly, the blog post was wrongly interpreted by one person, as being about detachment from society and people. And therefore deemed to be unrealistic. This issue itself, is not about me – the negativity and invalidation projected – is about that person and their incapacity to achieve what I now am able to. Continue reading

Sincerity matters to me.

I am picky now, when it comes to people. I now trust my discernment and I have much healthier boundaries.

I choose not to waste my energy on people who cannot be sincere and honest, especially when it comes to own self. I see through people’s masks. I see the real motivations. I see dishonesty, in all it’s many forms.


I have tolerated a lot of unhealthy and toxic behaviour, in my life. Now, I don’t. Continue reading


From a girl, to a (wiser) woman.

a woman


I’ve gone through these stages. Which are common in women who have been sexually abused as children.

Now, I am very much at the point of knowing my physical shell, is nothing more than that. My value is not determined, by my outer shell, or sexuality. I no longer need validation from others.

What is important to me now, is character, integrity, values, inner strength, virtues and heart/soul. Continue reading