Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


2 Comments

My teenage son “you are the most caring person, Mum”

I had a moment today, which almost reduced me to tears. We were sat eating dinner.

My teenage son (14), asked me how my day went. I explained I had a lovely time at my  ladies group. And how I am so happy to see some of the group members, have made friends with each other, and meet up outside of the group, along with their husbands. To which my son responded with “you are the most caring person, Mum”.

And he really meant it. He doesn’t say things like that unless he really means them. And he is pretty vocal about his views and opinions, because I allow him that safety of respectfully speaking his mind.

It meant a lot to me, that my sons see I am caring. Because modelling that to them, is important. I am aware my empathic and caring nature, has a great influence on them developing that in their personalities too.

When I set up my ladies group, I did it because there are lots of people who are lonely, for many different reasons. There are ladies who are new to the area/country, who are divorced and have lost their friends, who’s partners are not keen on socialising, who have been ill and lost friends in the process, who’s partners are deceased, who are taking care of relatives, escaping domestic violence. Many reasons.

To offer them a safe group, where they feel welcomed, where they can just chat over a coffee, matters. It matters to them. And I am so glad that I have been able to provide this. I’ve weeded out a few shitty people, which means the group is lovely. And going so well. And I enjoy their company too.

So, to see my teenage son, understand this is caring about people, matters. To know they see me, doing something that benefits others and not just myself, matters. Especially in this increasingly egocentric, selfish, narcissistic world we live in. Continue reading


2 Comments

Beautiful gifts, from my beautiful boys for Mothers Day

I have to try really hard on Mothers Day, to focus on my boys, and not on my past. It’s hard, but I always succeed in focussing on what they need, and not how I feel inside.

My boys are very affectionate and loving boys, and they love giving gifts.

DSC_1652

Beautiful love heart necklace and earrings ❤ ❤

DSC_1649

Continue reading


Started my day, with creativity with my boys :)

Woke up early this morning and my youngest son who is 5, wanted to do craft immediately, as he is really into it. So, being tired (yucky dreams) I agreed to do this, as long as he could do craft and I would sit with him at the table and colour-in.

He was happy with that, so that’s what we did. My 12 year old got up an hour later, and wanted to join in. So he came and joined us, and did ’12 year old’ drawing.

It was great! The boys had fun, we all sat and were chatting as we enjoyed our individual activities. There was no sibling arguing, no TV on, just relaxed, family fun. And creativity stuff is good for the brain too. Continue reading


I cherish the good times, but don’t minimize the pain of the bad times.

When I feel really low, I don’t minimize that, but I do look at pictures of recent times, when I did feel real joy, happiness and fun, which is always when I am with my children. Their joy, is my joy. Their smiles, their laughter, their silliness, their gorgeousness – is my joy.

These are a few of the pics I look at, to remember that no matter how bad it gets, there is always good to come, and it is worth it.

DSCF1297


5 Comments

My son’s empathic heart.

After spending time earlier upset then numb, due to not being the mother I want to be for my children…

My son told me this evening his teacher is putting his name down to be considered for student of the year, for being so kind often to a boy who is being bullied a lot.

I cried. I am such a sook. To know my children are growing with the one thing I want them to have the most – empathy – is so heart warming for me.

My son was bullied at a former junior school, for a few years and due to anxiety and the school dealing with it badly, we had to change schools and my son was instantly a much happier child and continued to be for the remaining 3 years of junior school.

The high school he started at this year, has a lot of students from that school where he was bullied, that have now filtered through to the high school and funnily enough it is those students that are bullying this child, that my son has been kind to. My son felt sorry for him, knowing what being bullied feels like and also because I talk with him about being kind to those who need it. Continue reading


The movie Parental Guidance, an example of the unhealthy extremes.

Watched the movie Parental Guidance and it’s funny 🙂

It was so clearly an example of the two extremes that parenting can be, neither being healthy.

Society always needs to go to extremes, without realising the healthy balance somewhere in the middle.

In this movie, the grandparents are totally clueless as the psychological consequences of raising children. And the grandfather feels completely entitled to say things that are unnecessary, put people down and are sarcastic in nature, which is not healthy. Also clear evidence of a lack of emotional boundaries and an entitled attitude.

The parents have taken it too far though and whilst being very conscious of their children’s needs, have forgotten that you cannot shield children from the realities of life and shelter them from everything. And the mother is controlling, with very rigid boundaries and that is actually unhealthy in parenting. And it is a typical example of a controlling person, that is that way due to poor parenting from their own childhood.

Moderation, balance and wisdom – is not something most people seem able to grasp in life.

I do have firm beliefs about parenting, like no spanking, no labelling him etc.

But, I don’t shield my children from life, I help them learn to deal with it, with resilience, boundaries and empathy. Continue reading


1 Comment

It’s Mother’s Day here in Aus, good and bad for me…so avoiding social media.

This is good self care for me.

I have decided to avoid social media over the Mother’s Day period, because it evokes too many emotions for me.

I need to concentrate on me, being a good mother to my beautiful children.

I don’t need to think about, or celebrate an abusive mother in any way.

A post to my community page;

Its Mother’s Day here, which is a good and bad for me.

Good because I am a mum to two beautiful boys, who I adore and cherish

Bad, because I have a mother who abused me and set me up to be abused.

So, I am having a day off here today, to try and concentrate on me being a mum, and avoid all the internet posts about how wonderful mums are, as I find it hard to see those. Continue reading


4 Comments

Teaching my sons empathy & compassion and how bullying is never okay.

mum

As I am so acutely aware of the emotional neglect many parents unknowingly cause, by not teaching their children empathy and compassion, I talk with my children and model this for them.

I also model how to not put up with abuse and have resilience – because I did not learn these at all. I only (thankfully) learned how to care, protect, have empathy, love as a child, because I was the caretaker for my sisters and my mother.

My son has shown some true empathy and compassion for school friends and he has done this again recently. I nearly cried when he told me this today.

The school he goes to have a lot of bullies, that have all come from the junior school he went to previously, where he was bullied. We had the change to a different junior school when he was 8, which made a huge positive difference to him. So this school that has a lot of bullying, now have all fed through to the high school.

One boy, my son told me, gets bullied every day. This boy has anger issues, and has no friends and is a bit ‘weird’, my son told me a few weeks back. I talked with him about how some kids do have anger issues and there may be reasons for that. We also talked about how this does not give anyone the right to bully and tease him. My son said he felt sorry for this boy.

Today, this boy was being bullied by a heap of these bullies and a teacher intervened and comforted this boy and sorted it out.

Later on in the day, my son went up to this boy and said to him that all those kids were just bullies and mean and that if he was ever having problems, to come and find him (my son) and he would help him. The boy was so happy.

I was so proud of my son for again showing such empathy and compassion, which is hard at 11yrs old. And for recognising how all these bullies, are doing the wrong thing and to not ever get involved in what they are doing.
We talked more about how just because someone is different – doesn’t ever mean bullying them is okay.

My son is also aware that being a ‘cool’ kids, is not a necessity and that being a cool kid, is usually involving bullying and being mean. He sees this clearly in these kids from the school that he was bullied at.

We also talk about how Jesus never bullied anyone and doesn’t want bullying and that He is a our greatest role model and my son knows this too.

My son is not perfect by any means, he is driving me nuts at the moment with his ‘back-chatting’ and the attitude he can sometimes have, which I am aware is his age development and the pre-teenager stuff with hormones starting to kick in.

But, my son is a good kid with a good heart and he has empathy and compassion and a willingness to do things to help others, without being asked.

Children need to be taught many things, and empathy, compassion, resilience, tolerance, what is appropriate and what isn’t, how any bullying is never okay, how being ‘cool’ isn’t the be-all-and-end-all – are all things I am aware of they need to be taught, that I see parents often fail to teach.

I am proud of my children.


Severe PTSD, school holidays, husband night shifts, hives & nauseous at dinnertime.

This week, my husband is on nights (he’s a cop). Not good timing when I have the boys home for the school holidays.

This is resulting in added stress, hives now daily at home, and I am nauseous by dinner time and unable to eat with my family, at 6pm. My dinner goes in the fridge and I eat it when the boys have gone to bed.

I used to love school holidays and would go out every day and have fun with the boys.

But, I am a different person now *sigh. Now, I am struggling daily, and by the late afternoon – my PTSD Cup hath well and truly runneth over!! Yes, I know this is a Bible quote, well minus the PTSD bit. I’m sure Jesus will be okay with me stealing it for blogging purposes.

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/ptsd-stress/

PTSD-Cup

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER IS NOT FUN WITH KIDS!!!

C’mon – being a mother is hard enough – but PTSD, depression & agoraphobia as well!!!! So not cool.

Continue reading


4 Comments

Watching Sarah Monehan get teary over her mother’s neglect & abandoning her, made me cry .

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2014/04/09/19/17/hey-dad-co-stars-come-forward-following-robert-hughes-verdict

Sarah Monehan, is a courageous hero – who stood up to the child sex abuser, that not only abused her, but many others. She is amazing. She is someone I consider to have integrity, strength and a capacity to do what is needed no matter how much is hurts, in the process. Robert Hughes is now known to be a child sex offender and people know the truth and this will hopefully reduce the sexual abuse to children.

I believe fully in appropriate consequences, to actions that are chosen to be committed and these 10 crimes are only the ones he has been found to have committed, there will be more. Probably many more. This a reality of thow these predatory paedophiles operate.

I watched A Current Affair, where she bravely spoke about Robert Hughes and about the court case. Sarah became emotional when she spoke of her mother abandoning her, because Sarah decided to go public. Her mother apparently was ‘very upset’.

This reaction from her mother, is all about her mother’s own needs. To stop speaking to her own daughter who decided to courageously do the right thing, which did lead to this man being found guilty of 10 child sexual abuse crimes, that other adults knew were occurring, is so wrong. There could be many reasons, but none will justify refusing to stand by your daughter about child sexual abuse. It also seems that her mother may have known what was occurring when she was a child. I know how that feels too. Continue reading