Even when I don’t necessarily relate to the lyrics (although I often do) – I find her voice so soothing. Her music is like a collection of adult lullabies.
When really struggling – I listen to her music a lot. She knows aloneness, depression, hopelessness, betrayal, struggle.
Often music has been my only way of coping.
A song that has significant meaning to me about someone I am grieving.
I don’t belong in the world
That’s what it is
Something separates me from other people
Everywhere I turn
There’s something blocking my escape
It took thirteen beaches to find one empty
But finally it’s mine
With dripping peaches
I’m camera ready
Almost all the time
But I still get lonely
And baby only then
Do I let myself recline?
Can I let go?
And let your memory dance
In the ballroom of my mind
Across the county line
It hurts to love you
But I still love you
It’s just the way I feel
And I’d be lying
If I kept hiding
The fact that I can’t deal
And that I’ve been dying
For something real
That I’ve been dying
For something real
It took thirteen beaches to find one empty
But finally I’m fine
Past Ventura
And lenses plenty
In the white sunshine
But you still can find me
If you ask nicely
Underneath the pines
With the daisies
Feeling hazy
In the ballroom of my mind
Across the county line
It hurts to love you
But I still love you
It’s just the way I feel
And I’d be lying
If I kept hiding
The fact that I can’t deal
And that I’ve been dying
For something real
That I’ve been dying
For something real
In the absence of people who truly care,
sometimes it helps to hear music with
lyrics you need to hear, but don’t ❤
When dealing with 45 years of mistreatment, abuse and trauma…… it creates a profound and core level depth of sadness and grief.
So much pain, suffering and loss.
When you have endured so much abuse, trauma and suffering, the profound sadness and aloneness you can feel – is crippling. And you understandably take comfort in ways that help reduce that suffering.
Many of my ways of coping in the past, were unhealthy. Alcohol, men, partying….. were all ways I tried to numb and dull the pain that I pushed down, so so hard. And in the process, I unknowingly prolonged the suffering and worsened my health. But, at that time, it was all I was capable of. And I am at peace with how I coped with such heinous abuse – from birth onwards. I feel no shame as to how I coped.
I no longer drink alcohol the dull the pain. I no longer party, or have sex with men. And I guess this shows healing. But, without those, there are limited ways of dulling and numbing the overwhelming pain and aloneness. And I do understand why people end their lives, when the pain becomes too much to bear. When ways of coping no longer have any affect.
Music has been one of the only healthy ways to cope, I have used my whole life. It still remains as a way of coping.
I relate to songs where pain and sadness are expressed so poignantly. Where suffering is expressed in ways that validate the profoundness of terminal hopelessness and terminal aloneness. In the past, music expressed what I could not. Now, I can express my pain, as per this blog. But, music still comforts me.
I understand how important music can be for many of us.
Hope is all that we have…
Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD
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