Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


3 Comments

My husband is a wolf in sheep’s clothing

 

 

In my last counselling session, my counsellor explained how I have systematically faced all the trauma, and processed all the truth and heinous nature of it all. She explained, processing about my abusive husband, is the last piece of that journey.

My husband is a pathological and compulsive liar, has a fake persona, is completely delusional as to what kind of person he is, is selfish to the core and does not love anyone. He is also callous and lacks any moral virtue.

I described him as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He pretends to be a far better person than he actually is. He pretends to be a nice person (sheep), when in fact, he preys on people to manipulative and use for his very shallow, narcissistic needs (wolf). My counsellor stated this was an accurate description of who he is. And she has insight into him, as she has done several counselling sessions with him.

My counsellor stated, he doesn’t know how to love. He is so consumed within his own narcissistic self, that he does not love. He uses. And abuses. His own needs are all he thinks about.

The wolf in sheep’s clothing, is also appropriate, because he has a cruel streak, which I have always hated about him. He likes to see people hurt, embarrass themselves. Even children. I’ve seen him laugh at his niece, when she fell and hurt her leg and was then limping. His siblings are the same. They are a very narcissistic family.

This week, I overheard a telephone conversation, where he was getting a work colleague into a lot of trouble. He claims she did something wrong, and it could have had implications on him. So, he reported her to the boss. And during this conversation – he was revelling in it. I could hear it in his tone. Interestingly – he had a lot of verbal confidence during this conversation with his boss. He spoke clearly and well. He had a lot of words about this colleague and what she had done.

Yet, whenever I speak to him about all the terrible things ‘he’ has done – he is mute. Completely emotionless. Like a mute, dumb, heartless, empty non human. He has no words to express remorse. No emotions. Absolutely nothing. He feels nothing about any harm he causes others.

The levels of hypocrisy in him feeling so entitled to point at other people’s wrongdoing  ……. whilst also conveniently ignoring all his own wrongdoing – is disgusting. Yet, he is absolutely okay with it.

He has a very entitled attitude. He is entitled to do whatever he wants. And no-one should question him, or try to make him accountable. He feels no remorse, and therefore no desire or need to put anything right. He feels no need to apologise. He feels nothing. For his own disgusting, manipulative, devious, selfish, abusive behaviours.

I regret every single day I have been with him. I regret letting him anywhere near me. I regret having children with him. But, I also know I was manipulated, by a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I believed the nice/fake persona he exploited people with. I only now know – the full extent of his personality disordered, character disordered self.

And it sickens me.

It explains all the thousands of lies, all the manipulation, all the deviousness, all the projection, the gas-lighting, the tantrums when he is challenged about his wrong doing. It explains all the affairs, having an affair with his own uncle’s wife, him never considering or thinking about my heinous abuse history. It explains his obsession with sex and lack of self control, impulse control over anything sex related. It validates what I have known for a long time, that sex was his main motivation for exploiting me.

It explains how he can so callously exploit, harm, use and abuse a woman who has already been so deeply harmed and as suffered as much as I have.

And the callous, heartless, empty, soul-less person he is, has absolutely no remorse for anything he has done to me. And because he feels nothing about the things he has done that harm others, he could so easily form a fantasy, delusional belief system of who he is. He had lied to himself for decades, that he is a good person. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, which he conveniently ignores, forgets about and then that part of him, in his twisted mind, does not exist. Continue reading


9 Comments

When a narcissist is pushed into facing their toxic behaviour – this can happen ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Something I have learned from living with a narcissist for the last 16 years, is the narcissists pathological need to avoid dealing with their own toxic behaviours, at all costs.

They lie, manipulate, gaslight and all manner of toxic tricks.

One of these, is when challenged on their behaviour and they cannot get out of the situation – they deliberately start provoking the person who is forcing them to ‘own’ their toxic behaviour.

They provoke and provoke – and deliberately push all the buttons they know will create anger in the other person.

Then when they have achieved that….. they scorn and mock the now angry person – labelling them the unreasonable one.

They will say things like…. “see no-one can talk to you” – “why are you so angry?” – “look at you – you are acting crazy”.

See what they did there?

They provoked and provoked…….. and then when the person blows ….. they deflect the issue away from their own toxic shit……. and turn the situation into being now about the other persons ‘issues’.

Meaning the anger they deliberately and intentionally provoked.

Meaning the anger the person being abused by the narcissist – has every right to feel.

Meaning the anger any normal person would feel at being treated so badly.

Manipulation, and avoidance of dealing with their behaviours, they are very skilled at. Continue reading


2 Comments

Narcissists Abuse You Twice With Their Continual Lying ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Narcissists are compulsive/pathological liars.

liar

There are also hypocrites and like to abuse you twice with their lying.
They lie continually – which is abuse.
And then they act outraged when you don’t believe them – which is further abuse.
It’s like they stick the knife in…….. and then they twist it.
And they convince themselves they have done nothing wrong, and ‘they’ are the injured party.
~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Continue reading


8 Comments

Sixteen Years Of My Life Wasted In This ‘Marriage’

My narcissist husband has finally admitted, he never had any thoughts about my needs during our entire marriage.

I had a conversation with him earlier on how any relationship needs trust, honesty, caring about the other persons needs and knowing that person has your back. And how there has been absolutely none of this from him, in the 16 years I have been with him.

He’s never had my back, he is a compulsive and pathological liar, is 100% narcissistic, only ever cares about his own needs, is manipulative, devious and does whatever he wants to do…… with absolutely no concern or thought for the other person he is harming.

He has finally admitted this is all correct.

And he couldn’t say this wasn’t true – because I have so many examples confirming all this, and he has absolutely no examples to show to the contrary.

His latest devious, manipulative, lying behaviour – is the last straw that has broken this camels back. Continue reading


Leave a comment

The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys Are Everywhere ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

flying-monkeys

Something I have learned in life, is toxic people are everywhere. And their flying monkeys are everywhere too.

Flying monkeys are people who support toxic people. They encourage and condone the toxic persons behaviour. They make excuses for toxic people. Or they ignore the toxic persons bad behaviours and choose to only see what they want to believe is good behaviour. (The ‘good’ behaviour still only being the toxic persons self serving behaviour, as they don’t do anything good – unless it is serving themselves in some way).

Flying monkeys can be family members, friends, church people, co-workers, therapists.

You would think therapists would know better, but they can indeed be flying monkeys when they have a self serving vested interest in condoning the toxic persons behaviour.

Throughout my life, I have seen so many toxic people being supported by flying monkeys.

Both of my husbands, have family who are flying monkeys. They choose to ignore the bad their adult children choose to inflict, and ‘only see the good’. Making excuses for the toxic behaviour and not making their adult children accountable for their bad behaviour. This following on from their poor parenting in the toxic persons childhood. I see clearly how poor parenting – has lead to the child becoming an adult narcissist.

I’ve seen flying monkeys within families, workplaces, groups of friends, churches, therapists rooms. It goes on everywhere.

I’ve seen it happen many times over social media. People who I discerned being toxic, have their flying monkeys who condone the toxic persons behaviour – as long as there is some self serving need being met. They will stay connected to the toxic person – for as long as the toxic person is promoting their work, books etc. Continue reading


8 Comments

Received a copy of Shahida Arabi’s best selling book, that features some of my work :)

Shahia Arabi is the best selling author of books about recovering from toxic abuse caused by abusers – such as narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths.

Shahida kindly asked me if I wanted to contribute to her second book and also requested to add another article of mine. I am deeply thankful to Shahida to include the articles and links to my sites and social media. (My articles are on pages 193-197).

I am also so touched of her dedication at the beginning of the book. It has been and continues to be an honour to support Shahida and others, in their journeys to healing and in reaching out to others.

This is Shahida’s best selling book –

which I have recommended on my Website.

dsc_3084

This is the lovely dedication

dsc_3087

I consider Shahida a friend, even though we have not met. I love her compassion, her drive and her desire to reach out, help and educate others, and give survivors of toxic abuse – the hope needed through the healing journey.

I highly recommend this book – it has everything in it anyone could want to know – including a lot of advice about healing. Continue reading


2 Comments

Therapists with “God Complexes’ traumatise their clients

Glad to have had this issue validated by a psychologist, who explained the varying reasons why some therapists have very unhealthy attitudes.

One reason – is the ‘Therapist God Complex’.

It is very interesting.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-God-Complex-in-Therapy-Counselling&id=3518317 Continue reading